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Old 09-25-2014, 03:23 PM
 
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Every thursday, a flag football group that I participate in sometimes, are watching the football game at a bar. Since I don't drink alcohol no more, I'm a little hesitant on going. (Recovering alcoholic) But my main hesitation comes from that I don't truly think I belong in that group: that I am an outcast of somesort.

I know I have problems making friends with people. (not talking to them but trusting people) But I also want to change that about myself. I've gotten very much anti social and maybe somewhat depressed. And since I kinda know the people who are going to be watching football, it would make alot of sense to attend tonight's gathering. But again, I don't feel totally comfortable with them as I don't feel totally accepted by them. So the question is that the reason why i feel this way is because I close myself off to them OR is it that they don't really accept me; thus, I am closed off to them.

I feel more comfortable watching the game at home alone but I know that someday I will have to get back out there and socialize more often. So I guess what I'm asking is if you guys would attend the gathering tonight even though you feel uncomfortable or just go "with your gut" and sit this one out?
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Old 09-25-2014, 04:36 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
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I would not go but because of the bar, not because of the group. Your recovery should take precedence.

Is there an AA meeting you can attend tonight? Do you go to those? Maybe you could watch the game somewhere with some of them.
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Old 09-25-2014, 04:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I would not go but because of the bar, not because of the group. Your recovery should take precedence.

Is there an AA meeting you can attend tonight? Do you go to those? Maybe you could watch the game somewhere with some of them.
I need to go back to AA. I left the last group since I didn't feel like i fit in as well. (lame excuse, I know.) I hope my new desire to become sober and my anti social status is pure coincidence. But im thinking it goes hand and hand
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Old 09-25-2014, 04:50 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
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Originally Posted by pdizo916 View Post
I need to go back to AA. I left the last group since I didn't feel like i fit in as well. (lame excuse, I know.) I hope my new desire to become sober and my anti social status is pure coincidence. But im thinking it goes hand and hand
Honestly, it sounds like you are hypersensitive about what others think of you.

You may be completely wrong about what others think and feel. It just sounds like your insecurity talking. "They don't like me," "I don't fit in."

Just pick a group and try it without drinking and without letting your insecurities lead the way.
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Old 09-25-2014, 04:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Honestly, it sounds like you are hypersensitive about what others think of you.

You may be completely wrong about what others think and feel. It just sounds like your insecurity talking. "They don't like me," "I don't fit in."

Just pick a group and try it without drinking and without letting your insecurities lead the way.

That last part is the hardest. I don't know where these insecurities stem from and how to battle them.
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Old 09-25-2014, 04:58 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
42,633 posts, read 41,368,104 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pdizo916 View Post
That last part is the hardest. I don't know where these insecurities stem from and how to battle them.
It is hard.

Not knowing you, I cannot help you with that. Have you tried counseling?

I can only share my experience.

There came a time when I was tired of feeling that way, and with therapy I realized that it actually is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Insecurity makes you behave in unattractive ways, which repels people. It doesn;t make people want to get to know you. It makes them want to stay away from you.
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Old 09-25-2014, 05:05 PM
 
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I should seek counseling. A few people recommended counseling for me. I just cannot pay 100 an hour for it.
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Old 09-25-2014, 07:24 PM
 
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I agree with Wmsn4life, stay away from the bar. For me personally, fitting in has more to do with playing different roles with different people. If you are trying to be the same person in all groups and feel left out in all of them, chances are your social skills are lacking.
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Old 09-25-2014, 08:18 PM
 
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I feel that way too, I've pretty much given up making friends.
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Old 09-25-2014, 08:54 PM
 
Location: in my mind
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I read something once about the feeling of isolation/not fitting in and it really stuck with me (as I can have these tendencies at times)..... it said that people who struggle with this problem often have a mental habit of focusing on their differences from others rather than what they have in common with them. So an experiment to try would be to go to one of these events and spend the time talking to people and identifying things you have in common with them, and then assess how you feel after that.

Now I remember the book: Reinventing Your Life - this is an awesome book if you have recurrent problems in your life that never seem to go away.... I highly recommend it. It helps you identify the negative patterns, figure out reasons you have them, and then provides concrete action steps you can do to start changing them.

Good luck!
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