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Old 09-26-2014, 02:27 PM
 
671 posts, read 853,215 times
Reputation: 442

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Hi.


I'm currently dealing with a dad who isn't responsible from a financial standpoint. He gets extremely emotional with his decisions and it's becoming almost unbearable. It's definitely hard when it comes to finances, because I have to food the bill. Everything becomes ''important'' to him, so I can't inject any logic into the situation.


For example, he was having an issue with a car that he just paid off. He didn't feel ''safe'' in it. So what does he do? He buys a $25,000+ car that's more reliable. Which was fine because he had two jobs. Then he wanted some new appliances. Over $1,000 at that.

I didn't have a problem, but I suggested that he had a savings account first because we could run into some problems in the future. I was basically dissed.

Fast-foward to today. He quits his second because he had some issues with some workers there, although the problem didn't directly affect him (it could have, but it wasn't currently). Now we will have less money in the future.

The issue for me is that with crap comes up (recent medical emergency) he never truly acknowledges that he could have had a savings account and reduced the impact some. Somehow everything else was important at the time, so it was ''just willed'' for the emergency to happen.

I'm at my wits end. When I try to talk to him about finances, he goes off on me. Then he has his hands out for me to help him in the future when it gets to unbearable.

Anyone have any tips? I don't want to be disrespectful, but it's REALLY affecting my day-to-day life. Thanks.
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Old 09-26-2014, 02:30 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 40,004,782 times
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So quit giving him money.
Tell him you have your own financial responsibilities and he has to take care of his own financial responsibilities.

Just because he is your Parent does not give him the automatic right to your bank account.
So quit enabling him to continue to be so irresponsible and let him suffer the consequences of his choices.
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Old 09-26-2014, 02:34 PM
 
671 posts, read 853,215 times
Reputation: 442
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
So quit giving him money.
Tell him you have your own financial responsibilities and he has to take care of his own financial responsibilities.

Just because he is your Parent does not give him the automatic right to your bank account.
So quit enabling him to continue to be so irresponsible and let him suffer the consequences of his choices.
It's not that easy since I live with him. I've tried that approach once and it blew up in my face terribly. I virtually have to lie in order to get him off my back.

That's the thing, I pay a lot of the bills. He only cares when it directly affects him.
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Old 09-26-2014, 02:36 PM
 
15,254 posts, read 16,772,448 times
Reputation: 25416
OP, how old are you?
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Old 09-26-2014, 02:37 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 40,004,782 times
Reputation: 62027
Quote:
Originally Posted by BubbyBobble View Post
It's not that easy since I live with him. I've tried that approach once and it blew up in my face terribly. I virtually have to lie in order to get him off my back.

That's the thing, I pay a lot of the bills. He only cares when it directly affects him.
Then get your own place and quit giving him money and enabling him to continue this behavior.
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Old 09-26-2014, 02:42 PM
 
671 posts, read 853,215 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
OP, how old are you?
24, trying to finish up school right now.
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Old 09-26-2014, 04:08 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 40,004,782 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BubbyBobble View Post
24, trying to finish up school right now.

You are still not obligated to give him money.
Pay him rent, part of the utilities, part of the grocery bill and just tell him that is all you are giving him.
After that when he has his fit just tell him no and walk away.

One can only be taken advantage of numerous times by the same human if one allows that to happen.
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Old 09-26-2014, 08:01 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,004 posts, read 22,741,002 times
Reputation: 34905
You'll have to move out and then quit helping him. Or, what you could do is give him a set amount of money each month, and tell him he won't get any more, that he will have to work with what he has.

The boundary has to be set by you. You've tried to reason with him, and that's not possible. So, you'll have to set your boundary in brick, and not budge.

Unfortunately, there's no magical cure or easy fix for this. You will have to let him fail and suffer his own consequences.

BTW, when he runs out of money, the government will take good care of him. I found this out when I became disabled and ran out of money and the ability to make more. Once a person is super low income, they qualify for all kinds of benefits, including what I feel is really good medical coverage. I'm on Medi-Cal and I don't even have a co-pay for anything, including medications.

So, letting him run out of money doesn't mean he'll be homeless. He'll qualify for low-income housing (most are 30% of your income), he can get free money for electricity/utilities (called H.E.A.P.), free medical, etc.

You may just want to brush up on what's available for him where you are, so when it hits the fan, you can get him signed up for everything.

Or, you can finance his desired lifestyle - which apparently includes spending your money faster than you can make it.
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Old 09-28-2014, 08:47 AM
 
Location: Lebanon, OH
5,864 posts, read 6,285,149 times
Reputation: 12431
My mom is not good at managing her money either, for me it came down to a choice between covering my mom or making sure my daughter made it through college with no student loan debt. I had told my mom numerous times she needed to rein in her spending but it did no good whatsoever. My brother bailed out mom numerous times and his son has astronomical student loan debt that will take decades to pay off and it's not fair to him.
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Old 09-28-2014, 09:03 AM
 
18,138 posts, read 19,883,403 times
Reputation: 26577
My mom was like that. I finally got tired of lending her money every month for "important" things. I gave her 6 months notice. I will put you on a allowance of x dollars per month and nothing more. She wanted me to pay her rent for 6 months. I called her LL got the info and sent 6 months payments of her rent. After that YOYO baby. And that was exactly what I did.
I forced her to start saving money by stopping the enabling. There is a point where you have to cut someone off
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