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Old 10-02-2014, 02:05 PM
 
Location: US
17,885 posts, read 17,756,963 times
Reputation: 13889

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Quote:
Originally Posted by dalparadise View Post
Of course, what you say is true, but even breathing air is "deadly over time".

No one gets out alive.
What's your point? Because we all die one day, what does it matter if it happens in 20 years vs 60 years from now?
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Old 10-02-2014, 02:47 PM
 
2,079 posts, read 2,596,742 times
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many say it is hereditary. but that is still up for debate. imo, many teetotalers will say that in order to promote their religious, darwinistic agenda.

alcoholism in my family runs rampant like wildfire(both sides). both parents were full blown alcoholics by 12-15. me? I've had my occasional slip-ups, but I don't drink nearly as much as my predecessors. hell, my mom has pancreatitis because of alcoholism.

people drink for different reasons:

-unwind/relax
-boredom
-makes socializing easier
-dealing with a dark past
-celebrations
-dealing with stressful events

people have their vices in order to deal with the demands & stressors that life brings. people bring up these horror stories associated with alcoholism. the same case can be made for obesity. diabeetus, heart disease, amputations, etc. those same people that say "OMFG alcohol is evil!!!" are probably the same people that weigh 600 pounds with a good chance of dropping dead tomorrow(jesus will not save you lol). if you dig deeper, you'll find a fatal flaw in everyone, whether it is alcoholism, obesity, narcissism, selfishness, superficiality, self-righteousness, etc. yet alcoholism is always what gets the spotlight. I've seen people exhibit all of the same traits of alcoholism while 100% sober.
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Old 10-02-2014, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Chicago - Logan Square
3,396 posts, read 6,169,628 times
Reputation: 3717
I'm not surprised that someone who is 24, single, and has a lot of time on their hands is drinking every day. If he's able to fulfill all his professional and personal obligations to people around him, not driving drunk, and not causing problems, then I could see him continuing like that for decades - and actually being happy doing that.

However I agree with others, he's on a slippery slope. But he's also young, and it's entirely possible that he'll stop drinking if his time is taken up with a full time job or if he gets into a serious relationship. I don't think drinking in and of itself is a problem, it's when people chose getting drunk over fulfilling obligations or being responsible. It sounds like your friend is living in a situation where he hasn't had to make any choices like that yet, so it's hard to say how much of a problem it is for him yet.
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Old 10-02-2014, 03:34 PM
 
12,931 posts, read 6,187,983 times
Reputation: 10775
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeachSalsa View Post
My DH was a functioning alcoholic. He was a charming, funny guy who was great at his career. He routinely earned over 6 figures, plus yearly performance bonuses. He was positively involved in our community and our church. All good, right?

He was dead before age 50 as a direct result of his alcoholism. Behind closed doors, he was a bitter, angry individual. My children and I walked on eggshells, never knowing if his funny side would walk in the door, or if his angry, verbally abusive side was arriving. He could switch sides in one breath when he was home. In public, he was ALWAYS funny and charming. So it was very difficult for outsiders to at first believe me when I told them that the person they saw was not the person I lived with.

Death from cirrhosis and kidney failure (a direct result of his alcoholism) is a horrible way to die.
My mother was an alcoholic who was a verbally abusive narcissist. She, too, was sweet as pie to those outside the family. Occasionally non-family members would see her drunk. For example, when my parents were invited someplace where people were drinking. My father, the perfect enabler, would be making excuses for her in those situations telling people "Oh, she just had a little too much to drink tonight". That made it sound like it was an isolated incident.

Her drink of choice was a Manhattan that she would mix up herself and keep in a decanter in the fridge. The first drink of the day would be watered down. As the evening progressed, there was less water and more alcohol. On top of that she was a chain smoker.

The rare evening when she wasn't screaming and being verbally abusive (sometimes physically abusive) to us were the days when she was really hung over. Yet my father never allowed us to mention her drinking to her. Most days were hellish. At one point, we lived in the tropics for a while so, due to the heat, the windows were open all day. People would gather in front of the house to hear her screaming. Sometimes I would be heading home and someone would tell me "Your mother is yelling again." How I wished that I didn't have to go home!

She lived to 75. At that point, she had Alzheimer's disease plus lung and liver cancer that spread to her bones.

Last year brother, also an alcoholic, died of lung cancer that had spread to his liver. He was 56. Ironically, he was my mother's favorite child but he started self-medicating when he was in his teens---alcohol, pot and tobacco. It wasn't until he got older when it was obvious that for him, this wasn't youthful indiscretions when he didn't stop. He was a functioning alcoholic who worked for the same company for 40 years. They all liked him and depended on him. I bet none of them suspected that when he went home, he retreated to the basement to drink lots of beers and smoke cigarettes and pot everyday.

One day he overheard my SIL and I talking on the phone about him. I told her that he was depressed and self-medicating. Plus I suggested that if he ever did go to the doctor (he always cancelled appts. that my SIL would make for him) she should call the doctor's office and give them a heads-up about his depression and self-medication. Well...he overheard our phone conversation and got angry at my SIL. So...she challenged him by asking him if he could stop drinking. He said "Yes". Then, to all who could see, he only drank non-alcoholic beer. Then a relative of my SIL saw him buying beer. My SIL discovered that he had been hiding the empty bottles in the basement. At that point, my SIL gave up and told him if he wanted to drink, then go ahead.

He was in a lot of pain in the end and on a morphine drip. It was discovered that he had advanced emphysema so he could never have surgery---only chemo and radiation. But by the time his cancer was discovered, it was determined that he had had it for a year.

OP---Please take the postings here to heart. If you and your friends care about this guy, consider staging an intervention. Should he resist, I suggest that you move on. In the end, it's up to him to make positive change in his life. Just be sure that you never become an enabler.
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Old 10-02-2014, 03:37 PM
 
Location: St. George, Utah
756 posts, read 880,444 times
Reputation: 1971
This thread is making me feel old. And a little thirsty.
Was there even a time in my life when I could drink EVERY DAY and not feel like absolute rotted death?!

Okay, not really a funny topic, but as a person who probably thinks about drinking more than I ought to it caught my eye. I am a mom of 4 though, so don't judge.

Seriously:

The thing about drinking every day when you are 24 is that you aren't learning any other coping skills for your anxieties. So if/when (and for most people it's when) things start to unravel--first one small thing in your life comes undone, then another--your go-to solution tends not to be introspection, problem-solving, a change of course as it would be for a "normal" person who has learned to feel and take one's lumps and do better the next time 'round; rather it's likely to simply drink more, numb more. Which eventually causes another thing--health issue, relationship, job performance--to unravel. Then another. And so on. Some people don't end up on that ride, but many do. At that point, some seek help and fight the addiction, while others succumb.

Why is that bad? It's a personal choice, right? Right, but along the way there are siblings, spouses, and especially children whose hearts are broken and whose worldviews and psyches are messed up. There are parents who take out second and third mortgages to bail the addict out....There are mothers of 17 year-old high school girls who never get to see their child grow up because she was killed by a drunk driver...Not a fat driver, or a smoking driver, or the many addictions people have that don't have nearly as much potential to hurt those around them.
Lots of reasons it can be bad. But generally it seems an unhappy life for someone who otherwise probably to has a lot of potential.

As I write this a friend of mine from high school, early 40s, lies in the hospital on the brink of death. Surrounded by his family. Nicest guy. Kind, sweet, funny (in public). Always half lit. Worked in the bar/restaurant industry so no one really thought twice about it except those close to him. Businesses failed, bankruptcy, increased drinking, and now near death and looks like he's 65 at least. So yeah, it can be really sad. His choice I guess, right?

Drunk driving would at this point be my main immediate concern for the OP's friend. Beyond that, there is little you can do except maybe mention it or ask about it if you really want to. It would have little effect. But since you know he's drunk all the time, if you see him driving I'd say THAT is yours to do something about before someone gets hurt or killed.
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Old 10-02-2014, 03:58 PM
 
Location: South Florida
1,007 posts, read 864,557 times
Reputation: 1562
Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanama View Post
This thread is making me feel old. And a little thirsty.
Yes, indeed. ^^^

Because your friend is only 24, it's hard to say if this is a big problem or something that will fade out of his life as he gets older. We all drank a lot when we were younger, but as people got married, got careers started or had kids everyone slowed it way down. Except my brother. He kept going and now in his 40s, he has no job and no money and is staying on our other brother's couch. He's been on the edge of poverty/homelessness for the past 10 years and has alienated a lot of the family with his behavior. It's really sad because he was smart and seemed to have a good future ahead of him.

I don't know what else I can say about your friend. You will have to wait and see what he decides to do. But I will agree with everyone else that said Please Don't Let Him Drive When He is Drinking.
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Old 10-02-2014, 04:24 PM
 
Location: St. George, Utah
756 posts, read 880,444 times
Reputation: 1971
Yes, a lot of us drink a lot when we're younger. But the vast majority of us don't start drinking in the morning and stay a little drunk all day long. That's something else, and if that's what I understood you to say he was doing, it doesn't bode well for his simply "growing out of it" the way many of us grow out of our more socially focused (but still probably not healthy!) youthful drinking phase.
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Old 10-02-2014, 04:52 PM
 
Location: MA
1,623 posts, read 1,334,064 times
Reputation: 3017
Quote:
Originally Posted by shooting4life View Post
Though not the healthiest of options, functioning alcoholism isn't the worst thing in the world. Personally, I would not worry about it.

No....being dead is that is what happened to my husband September 4 of this year and it is listed on his death certificate as chronic ethanol abuse.
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Old 10-02-2014, 04:56 PM
 
Location: MA
1,623 posts, read 1,334,064 times
Reputation: 3017
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeachSalsa View Post
My DH was a functioning alcoholic. He was a charming, funny guy who was great at his career. He routinely earned over 6 figures, plus yearly performance bonuses. He was positively involved in our community and our church. All good, right?

He was dead before age 50 as a direct result of his alcoholism. Behind closed doors, he was a bitter, angry individual. My children and I walked on eggshells, never knowing if his funny side would walk in the door, or if his angry, verbally abusive side was arriving. He could switch sides in one breath when he was home. In public, he was ALWAYS funny and charming. So it was very difficult for outsiders to at first believe me when I told them that the person they saw was not the person I lived with.

Death from cirrhosis and kidney failure (a direct result of his alcoholism) is a horrible way to die.

OMG that sounds like my husband. Dead at 55 and that is how it was for me. Most people didn't know what he was like because his drinking was hidden until it became all consuming and eventually he died alone in a dirty apartment and his body wasn't found for three days....
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Old 10-02-2014, 04:59 PM
 
Location: South Florida
1,007 posts, read 864,557 times
Reputation: 1562
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormynh View Post
OMG that sounds like my husband. Dead at 55 and that is how it was for me. Most people didn't know what he was like because his drinking was hidden until it became all consuming and eventually he died alone in a dirty apartment and his body wasn't found for three days....
I am so sorry.
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