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Old 10-01-2014, 10:12 AM
 
Location: The City That Never Sleeps
2,043 posts, read 4,859,011 times
Reputation: 3336

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If you were a very close friend of his wife, he should be giving you a free copy of the book!! are you serious? You have to pay for it? Ohh nooo way now...

I think we all know someone like this. I had a family friend for many years. His parents were very close to mine as well, and we were friends as kids. We stayed very close over the adult years, and our parents too. Then he disappeared for a while. He reappeared when his music band was finally off the ground and getting lots of gigs. He started emailing and calling me every time they had a gig, letting me know to come to the show, "the tickets were only $__". He lives 30 minutes from me. He never met me for lunch, coffee or ever invited me to his house. Every single contact he had with me was always ONLY about his shows and tickets. I stopped responding. He's been gone for years now. Good riddance. My parents have done so many favors for his, and I for him over the years, but he couldn't save a free ticket/invitation for me? Please...some people are just USERS. - by the way the band was awful and the music s***ed.
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Old 10-01-2014, 10:20 AM
 
Location: The City That Never Sleeps
2,043 posts, read 4,859,011 times
Reputation: 3336
It sounds to me like you were very close to the wife, your former best friend. Were you really that close to the husband? I mean it sounds like he was an attachment to the friendship. You really weren't that close to him. Your friend passing away, he was the "link" to the friendship. He could of still stayed in touch, maybe not often but still somehow. People send gifts, cards, letters or call once in a while. No excuse to disappear. Now he resurfaced and of course it's all about $. Now you see what he's really like. People who disappear usually resurface for a reason. I don't trust people like that.
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Old 10-01-2014, 10:26 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
15,024 posts, read 21,728,201 times
Reputation: 22196
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystique13 View Post
It sounds to me like you were very close to the wife, your former best friend. Were you really that close to the husband? I mean it sounds like he was an attachment to the friendship. You really weren't that close to him. Your friend passing away, he was the "link" to the friendship. He could of still stayed in touch, maybe not often but still somehow. People send gifts, cards, letters or call once in a while. No excuse to disappear. Now he resurfaced and of course it's all about $. Now you see what he's really like. People who disappear usually resurface for a reason. I don't trust people like that.
Very good point. I was friends with the husband, mostly because he was her husband. I just am appalled at his actions. I did buy the book to support him. Wrote him a very nice letter about how much I loved it and supported him in his efforts. Never heard from him. Not sure how well his book is doing, but suddenly he contacts me again to write a review. No bueno. Thanks all for the replies.
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Old 10-01-2014, 10:29 AM
 
13,677 posts, read 13,583,473 times
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I cut people A LOT of leeway when someone dies. After my best friend and her mother died, her stepfather dropped out of sight. I pretty close to him, but I didn't feel like reaching out either. We ran into each other years later and had a great conversation, just like old times, but man, when something like that happens and you're so gutted... sometimes you become closer and sometimes your friendship just gets driven into the ground because a big hole has been blasted through your life and it's just so damn hard to rebuild around it. If that makes any sense. It's not even logical in my opinion; it's just how things worked out.

But this guy... I dunno. Getting back in touch only when he wants something is very sketchy. I'm curious what he was like BEFORE he lost his wife and what you thought of him then.

He writes a book and then asks you to buy it and promote it for him after years of silence? Uh-uh. Not cool. As another poster said, I'd tell him why you are taken aback and see how he responds. But that's working under the assumption that he was not previously a d-bag and would see it as a wake-up call. I'd also consider whether you want to have a relationship with your best friend's children at some point.
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Old 10-01-2014, 10:34 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,821 posts, read 18,779,327 times
Reputation: 24490
Making money off of someones death is tacky in the highest form to me and then to ask your deceased spouses friends to write a review of the book ? eww of all the gaul and boy this guy has some brass ones , let me tell you . In my opinion he is a classless indivual and I would no longer accept his emails nor any communication from him whatsoever . Let him and the friendship go . The friendship ended when you dear friend passed , sorry for your loss . God bless you for trying to be a comfort to him which he obviously did not appreciate , again a lack of class . Just him loose and forget about it . and yes you should have gotten a free copy being as you were very close to this person . Good Luck , God bless and move on .
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Old 10-01-2014, 10:34 AM
 
Location: South Florida
1,007 posts, read 867,226 times
Reputation: 1562
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystique13 View Post
If you were a very close friend of his wife, he should be giving you a free copy of the book!! are you serious? You have to pay for it? Ohh nooo way now...
Ya that's the truth!!! I didn't think of it before, but on Amazon total strangers offer their books for free in return for submitting a review.
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Old 10-01-2014, 11:29 AM
 
Location: The City That Never Sleeps
2,043 posts, read 4,859,011 times
Reputation: 3336
Most people I've known for years closely,usually give books for free, or free tickets to their shows. Publishing companies give free copies, and performing venues almost always give a certain amount of free tickets to those performing there. That's part of the deal. They won't give you ton of freebies, but a few, they usually do. You know someone for years, and you can't get them something for free once in a while? So you pay out of your pocket if the venue/company doesn't allow it. Are you spending thousands of dollars? No. Most people don't have a 100 very close friends. He was being cheap and stingy, as was my "former friend" with his music gigs. Let's not make excuses. Giving you the book for free and asking for a review is fair.I would go for that. He is a user, that "husband". I have not other words for this. Death has nothing to do with being a "user." He was probably that way before his wife passed. You just never really got to experience that. - I would let him go...nicely but still. Every time he "needs something" he's going to mess with you. $ or some favor.But you know, if you should ask him for something I just BET it's going to be "no."
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Old 10-01-2014, 11:59 AM
 
26,342 posts, read 24,503,541 times
Reputation: 16017
Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
So I am going to make this long story pretty short. My best friend passed away several years ago. It was heart wrenching for me, and especially her husband and children. Just before her death, her family had moved several states away. But we had still kept in very close contact talking several times a day.

When she passed, I reached out to her husband. We kept in touch for about six months and then he just stopped answering emails and phone calls. I understood 100% with everything he was going through, he didn't need me.

Fast forward, he wrote a book about this time in his life with his wife passing away. Suddenly I receive the first email in years, telling me about the book and asking me to buy it. I of course want to support him and purchase the book. I let him know how beautiful it was and emailed him a few times. No answer. This really irked me.

Then a couple of weeks ago he emails me 'haven't heard from you'. I sent him several emails, then something on FB thinking perhaps my email was ending up in his junk box. He emails me and says 'so good to hear from you, can you write a review on my book?'.

That was the last straw for me. I love the family, but feel like I am being used. This is more of a vent than anything!!
Same thing happened to me, identical, twice....she was one of my closest friends.
After she passed, he called me a few times, wrote me a few times, and kept saying, we were like family and we had to stay in touch.
But he did the same thing.....and it hurt...so definately understand your feelings.

First time was years ago....we were very close, knew them for a long time, and then I got married....and introduced my husband to them, she was my best friend, so like a lovely loving angel, the husbands both hunted....after his wife passed, he remarried right away, her cousin....then I found out my now ex was running around....he and his entire family , the boys choose to stay in contact with my ex and the woman he was running around with...his new wife called me to tell me the ex had bought her to their home and they were shocked...but, with time, b/c both men hunted and fished, I guess that was more important....I moved away, had to....awful times....

Hurt pretty much, b/c they are your contact with the friend you lost....
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Old 10-01-2014, 03:24 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9,190 posts, read 8,287,258 times
Reputation: 19836
What an asshat.

Write him a note and let him know that his choice of the grieving process might be perfect for him but you prefer not to make money off her death.
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Old 10-01-2014, 04:20 PM
 
26,342 posts, read 24,503,541 times
Reputation: 16017
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
What an asshat.

Write him a note and let him know that his choice of the grieving process might be perfect for him but you prefer not to make money off her death.
I know you hurt for her and you have very good intentions, but I wouldn't do that, reason being, I believe it Karma, and what evil you bestow on others will come back to haunt you, so best to just not say anything. I know that would also be my first thought....however, it won't solve anything, and it will bring her down to his level.....

just saying, hope your aren't offended.
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