U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-01-2014, 07:16 PM
 
Location: Queens, NY
3,818 posts, read 2,208,133 times
Reputation: 4843

Advertisements

So, I'm 23, and have lived with my parents my entire life. My friend works for a clothing store in New York City, and he was able to land me an interview (he said the last friend he recommend got the job, so good chance I'd be hired as well). Since I go to school in NYC, and my job would be in NYC as well, I started looking for single apartments to rent in the city (in case I get the job). The reason being is to finally try to be independent, and it'd also be convenient for me transportation wise by far (it already takes me like an hour and 20 minutes to go to school and back, which is tiring in itself). My Mother believes my new friends (joined a fraternity this semester) have something to do with this, which is a little bit true (won't lie), but not the full reason whatsoever. I feel like my Mother might have empty nest syndrome. I also told her that I may not even get the job, but the main thing is I'm looking for a job, and it may involve me moving out at some point.

She started venting a little bit saying not to bring my clothes here at the house for laundry anymore (when I would learn to do laundry at my own place), only showing at my current house when she's home (which wouldn't make sense cause I'd always call and find out if my family would be home beforehand), eating out all the time (I would actually learn how to cook on my own, not when my Mom insists on doing it all the time). I didn't really scream or argue back cause I know she's hurting that I may be moving out after living at home all my life, and her raising me from a baby, but I can't live at home forever. I told her I'd keep in contact via text message, calling, face-time, etc.

My Dad, on the other hand, is cool with it (then again, he's always cool with me hanging out at nights with friends as long as I'm careful, my Mom always freaks out). I feel like he understands more of where I'm coming from than my Mom. My Mom lived at home all her life (in Greece), and left to come to the US with my Dad when she was 22. My Dad from when he was a late teen worked jobs to pay rent and stuff.

What's ironic about all this is in the past, my Mom laughed briefly one time cause I was 22, and still hadn't moved out from home. NOW, when I'm attempting to do so, she's venting. Could she also be bi-polar in this regard? Also, a few years ago, she said I didn't have any friends (which was true). Now, that I do, and hang out often, she doesn't like it. She has even admitted she doesn't enjoy me going out with friends (especially at night).

EDIT-She came into my room just now and said she didn't mean what she said, which I figured as much.

Last edited by NewYorker11356; 10-01-2014 at 07:28 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-01-2014, 07:31 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,318 posts, read 41,880,675 times
Reputation: 83216
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356 View Post
So, I'm 23, and have lived with my parents my entire life. My friend works for a clothing store in New York City, and he was able to land me an interview (he said the last friend he recommend got the job, so good chance I'd be hired as well). Since I go to school in NYC, and my job would be in NYC as well, I started looking for single apartments to rent in the city (in case I get the job). The reason being is to finally try to be independent, and it'd also be convenient for me transportation wise by far (it already takes me like an hour and 20 minutes to go to school and back, which is tiring in itself). My Mother believes my new friends (joined a fraternity this semester) have something to do with this, which is a little bit true (won't lie), but not the full reason whatsoever. I feel like my Mother might have empty nest syndrome. I also told her that I may not even get the job, but the main thing is I'm looking for a job, and it may involve me moving out at some point.

She started venting a little bit saying not to bring my clothes here at the house for laundry anymore (when I would learn to do laundry at my own place), only showing at my current house when she's home (which wouldn't make sense cause I'd always call and find out if my family would be home beforehand), eating out all the time (I would actually learn how to cook on my own, not when my Mom insists on doing it all the time). I didn't really scream or argue back cause I know she's hurting that I may be moving out after living at home all my life, and her raising me from a baby, but I can't live at home forever. I told her I'd keep in contact via text message, calling, face-time, etc.

My Dad, on the other hand, is cool with it (then again, he's always cool with me hanging out at nights with friends as long as I'm careful, my Mom always freaks out). I feel like he understands more of where I'm coming from than my Mom. My Mom lived at home all her life (in Greece), and left to come to the US with my Dad when she was 22. My Dad from when he was a late teen worked jobs to pay rent and stuff.

What's ironic about all this is in the past, my Mom laughed briefly one time cause I was 22, and still hadn't moved out from home. NOW, when I'm attempting to do so, she's venting. Could she also be bi-polar in this regard? Also, a few years ago, she said I didn't have any friends (which was true). Now, that I do, and hang out often, she doesn't like it. She has even admitted she doesn't enjoy me going out with friends (especially at night).

Edit-She came into my room just now and said she didn't mean what she said, which I figured as much.
It's not THAT unusual, really. I seriously doubt she's bi-polar. She's just having a hard time letting you go. That stuff about how you won't be able to do your laundry at her house, etc? She's just hurt that you would "leave her," and is lashing out. It will pass.

Remember that you are allowed to grow up and live your own life. All you have to do is KEEP MOVING FORWARD with your plans. YOU have to practice a few key phrases to use with your mom, though, until you actually do move out.

When she starts laughing at you or putting you down, just keep it very unemotional and say, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Explain yourself if you want, but resist the urge to be hurtful back at her. Always be respectful even if she is not. Do not engage in any insults or shouting, though.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2014, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Queens, NY
3,818 posts, read 2,208,133 times
Reputation: 4843
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
It's not THAT unusual, really. I seriously doubt she's bi-polar. She's just having a hard time letting you go. That stuff about how you won't be able to do your laundry at her house, etc? She's just hurt that you would "leave her," and is lashing out. It will pass.

Remember that you are allowed to grow up and live your own life. All you have to do is KEEP MOVING FORWARD with your plans. YOU have to practice a few key phrases to use with your mom, though, until you actually do move out.

When she starts laughing at you or putting you down, just keep it very unemotional and say, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Explain yourself if you want, but resist the urge to be hurtful back at her. Always be respectful even if she is not. Do not engage in any insults or shouting, though.
Exactly. Also, it seems she has calmed down already. I know where she is coming from, which is why I haven't been screaming or shouting insults, but saying rational stuff with a calm temper. Stuff like "I'm not going to live at home forever, I have to move out sometime down the line."

Also, when I meant bi-polar, I mean when she chuckled a bit for me not having moved out at 22-23, but when I'm trying to right now, she's lashing out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2014, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,318 posts, read 41,880,675 times
Reputation: 83216
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356 View Post
Also, when I meant bi-polar, I mean when she chuckled a bit for me not having moved out at 22-23, but when I'm trying to right now, she's lashing out.
That in itself is not bi-polar. If anything, it's a wee bit narcissistic. It's a control issue. She made fun of you before because in a weird way it made her feel better about herself, but now that you are actually doing it, she's panicking.

See if any of this sounds familiar:

http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html

Not saying she is, but maybe. It could be a Greek thing. It could be a NY thing. Hard to tell.

Last edited by BirdieBelle; 10-01-2014 at 08:12 PM.. Reason: typo
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2014, 07:42 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,257,322 times
Reputation: 62056
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356 View Post
Exactly. Also, it seems she has calmed down already. I know where she is coming from, which is why I haven't been screaming or shouting insults.

Also, when I meant bi-polar, I mean when she chuckled a bit for me not having moved out at 22-23, but when I'm trying to right now, she's lashing out.

Bi polar is an actual mental illness and should not be used lightly.

She is being a normal mother who is not overbearing but caring and loving and having a wee bit of a hard time dealing with your moving out.
It will get better for her and after you have been moved out for a while she will wonder why she tried to keep you home so long.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2014, 09:04 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,982,141 times
Reputation: 15649
I would not think of this as bipolar, etc. Your mom may be going through menopause if she's in her 40s or 50s. This can be a trying time on all levels, including emotionally. And she is changing roles somewhat, with you moving out on your own. When each of my four children left home around age 1820, I felt the same in many ways. A feeling like my kids didn't need me anymore and now what. Ask her advice about a lot of things even if you don't need it. Ask for recipes or how to correctly iron a shirt or how to interview and what to wear, etc. That will help her feel needed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2014, 09:34 PM
 
Location: Queens, NY
3,818 posts, read 2,208,133 times
Reputation: 4843
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I would not think of this as bipolar, etc. Your mom may be going through menopause if she's in her 40s or 50s. This can be a trying time on all levels, including emotionally. And she is changing roles somewhat, with you moving out on your own. When each of my four children left home around age 1820, I felt the same in many ways. A feeling like my kids didn't need me anymore and now what. Ask her advice about a lot of things even if you don't need it. Ask for recipes or how to correctly iron a shirt or how to interview and what to wear, etc. That will help her feel needed.
She might be going through menopause. She's in her late 40's.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2014, 09:53 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,982,141 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356 View Post
She might be going through menopause. She's in her late 40's.
Does she work or is she at home? If she's a more old-fashioned at-home mother, she'll have a harder time than someone who is confident out in the work force. Late 40s is still young. If she has nothing to do, suggest she get a job or volunteer.

And yes, menopause can do an emotional number on many women.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2014, 10:24 PM
 
Location: Queens, NY
3,818 posts, read 2,208,133 times
Reputation: 4843
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Does she work or is she at home? If she's a more old-fashioned at-home mother, she'll have a harder time than someone who is confident out in the work force. Late 40s is still young. If she has nothing to do, suggest she get a job or volunteer.

And yes, menopause can do an emotional number on many women.
Full-time stay at home Mother since she moved to the US, and then had me a year later (my Brother four years later).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-01-2014, 10:27 PM
 
Location: Queens, NY
3,818 posts, read 2,208,133 times
Reputation: 4843
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
That in itself is not bi-polar. If anything, it's a wee bit narcissistic. It's a control issue. She made fun of you before because in a weird way it made her feel better about herself, but now that you are actually doing it, she's panicking.

See if any of this sounds familiar:

Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers

Not saying she is, but maybe. It could be a Greek thing. It could be a NY thing. Hard to tell.
I'm Greek and live in NY, so it might be that, lol.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top