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A lot of couples think their marital status is just between them and opinions from the outside aren't required. Some people get married on the spur of the moment. Not advisable the way I look at it, but it's none of my business. Look on the bright side. You weren't invited to a wedding, therefore you are not required to send a gift. Just call him and say congratulations.
When I was a kid, one of my uncles married a woman my mother had heard terrible gossip about. Mom was very distressed about the wedding we weren't invited to ... and then horrified when my father announced that the newlyweds were going to come along on our family vacation. Turns out the lady was great, all of us adored her, and she and my mother became good friends. My uncle remained married to her until the day he died and his children and her children also became very close over the years.
His choice of a wife isn't subject to your approval. if you care about him, call, or at least send a card. How his life pans out going forward is between him and his spouse.
I agree with this. Also, Just be happy for him, wish him well and move on with your life.
As your brother, he deserves your love and support. Even if you do not agree with what he has done, you still give him the emotional support.
Suck it up and pretend, because if you do not, it will strain your communication.....And, if you are right and he comes to a hard place eventually concerning this relationship.....He will not be able to turn to you.
So, get over your feelings right now, and save them....reserve your concerns until you know they are true.
But, for the sake of showing your brother love and support, you call and congratulate him....Do whatever you would do if your sister hadn't put the negativity in your mind.
No one knows what goes on between a couple but the couple. Good luck with this.
Judge the voicemail. Did he sound like someone who wanted you to call him? If so yes if not then don't do it. Just let it lie. It sounds like he just told you and now he doesn't want you to bring it up because if you try to congratulate him then to him it may sound fake. I dunno but just listen for his tone.
Oh, ok, thanks. Seems odd then that he didn't call you. Was it one of those, "Hey, let's stop talking about it and just do it" kind of things?
I know you're hurt but again, it's about your brother and his happiness. Give him a call
The fact that my brother and his gf had been dating for years without him asking her to marry him was one of the reasons their relationship had problems earlier. After they split up, my brother said he felt bad about not having done that (popped the question). Of course, the fact that she started seeing another guy behind his back while my brother, his gf and the gf's daughter were all sharing a house together didn't help things any either.
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Originally Posted by oldtrader
If you don't make the proper move and congratulate him with enthusiasm, you and your only living relative may never have a decent relationship in the future. Don't blow it. Give their marriage a chance, and let him live his life with the woman he has chosen to share it with, and give them your blessing.
I think about that a lot, as my brother and I are the only remaining members of our family of five (Mom, Dad, me, my brother and sister). The thing is, we've never been really close as brothers throughout our lives. I can't really put my finger on why that is. We're just different, I guess. I'm more introverted, he's more extroverted. I was close to my parents, my brother spent as much time as possible away from them, etc , etc. I thought that after we lost both parents and then our sister five years later in a car accident, that it would bring us closer together, but it really hasn't. I don't think we've seen each other face-to-face since 2003 when our Mom died. After our sister died, my brother said he was going to come back East to scatter some of her ashes at a place (or places) that had meaning to her, but he never did.
Back in August, I went out of state to pursue a job opening. I sent an email to my brother letting him know about my trip, and asking him to give me a call when I returned to see that I made it back safely. He never called me. This phone message that he left me the other day about getting married was the first time I've heard anything from him in weeks (since sometime in early to mid August). We don't have such a great relationship right now, and I'm wondering if my brother wants to have one at all.
I think about that a lot, as my brother and I are the only remaining members of our family of five (Mom, Dad, me, my brother and sister). The thing is, we've never been really close as brothers throughout our lives. I can't really put my finger on why that is. We're just different, I guess. I'm more introverted, he's more extroverted. I was close to my parents, my brother spent as much time as possible away from them, etc , etc. I thought that after we lost both parents and then our sister five years later in a car accident, that it would bring us closer together, but it really hasn't. I don't think we've seen each other face-to-face since 2003 when our Mom died. After our sister died, my brother said he was going to come back East to scatter some of her ashes at a place (or places) that had meaning to her, but he never did.
I first want to say that I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing both parents and a sibling within such a short time.
The bolded--there's your answer as to why you weren't "the first to know". I don't know how to say this without it sounding harsh but it seems you are family only by dna, not the actual definition of family--know what I mean? You never had a brotherly bond so maybe when he told you years ago that you'd be the first to know, maybe he was just saying it because it sounded like the right thing to say to a brother. To not see your brother in 11 years speaks volumes of the non-existent relationship. If I were you, I wouldn't be surprised that I wasn't the first to know but I would still call him back and congratulate him. The death of your parents and sister didn't bring you together because he had already distanced himself so him getting married really isn't going to change things.
He called you to let you know he got married. Leave the hurt feelings behind because it doesn't sound like it was meant to hurt you. There's more to the issue here as to why he distanced himself from your family. I don't know if you want to open that box but call him and be happy for him.
My guess is that he knows you do not like this relationship, and
that calling you in advance would do neither of you any good.
Yup.
So, now make the best of it...send happy, positive thoughts, prayers, cards and letters!
Sort of 'blessing the relationship'...maybe it will help them.
If they split up...you will always be the supportive, loving sister for him...
let him make his own mistakes...if this is one.
Just be there...and be wonderful to her...welcome her into your heart with smiles and hugs.
Good luck...can't ever go wrong giving love first.
It is your choice. If you want to have a relationship with you brother, you will be happy for him. You will keep your doubts to yourself. Then, if it turns out like you fear it might, you will be there for him without saying "I told you so". We have to accept our loved ones and the ones they love, even when we are not sure that they are making the best choice. If we don't, we will lose them.
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