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Old 10-03-2014, 06:06 AM
 
3,995 posts, read 3,217,430 times
Reputation: 13006

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This generation has learned to whine about what they can NOT do. Im not hearing anything about what they CAN do. Because they don't want to.

Thank goodness the 20 somethings that I know are doers. They moved out, got jobs (notice the OP had 2 jobs but had a hissy fit and quit them both), one in a supermarket starting as a clerk. She is now a manager, with her own apartment, own paid for car...no, not a brand new car, but a useful car that she paid $5000 for....cash. She's going to school at night at a community college to get a degree. She's not afraid of work.

Unlike the OP. Pathetic. Keep blaming everyone else for your problems, see where that gets you.
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Old 10-03-2014, 06:56 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
5,104 posts, read 5,392,162 times
Reputation: 12612
Maybe mom is just frustrated that you're not doing anything. Her comments about the internet indicate that she thinks all you do is surf the internet.

Your fear of making the wrong decision is preventing you from making any decisions. Perhaps it is your parents fault for instilling this fear in you, but now it's up to you to change it.
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Old 10-03-2014, 09:22 AM
 
Location: NYC
2,803 posts, read 3,040,546 times
Reputation: 4789
Quote:
Originally Posted by animatedmartian View Post
I can't speak for a generation, but it affected me pretty hard when my parents got laid off during the recession. We were lucky because of the whole buyout thing the company had, but we lost our house and had to move to a rougher area. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but I lost contact with a lot of friends and had some anxiety issues after the move. Part of it was a lack of effort (by my friends and I) and part of it was me still trying to find out who my real friends were which is like a whole separate issue.

Plus I feel too honest to lead the country. I'd probably brag about whatever bribes I got and would immediately be removed from office.
Perhaps growing up in the middle class was actually a hindrance for you coupled with your susceptibility for anxiety. Do you feel the need to at least do better than your parents careerwise?

I grew up poor. My dad always made a poverty level salary. However, I never felt poor even though I didn't have too many material things. You need to get over this part of you life and not let it hold you back. How can you tell you have anxiety? The fact that you worry about consequences so much that it prevents you from taking any action.
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Old 10-03-2014, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Georgia
4,562 posts, read 4,092,983 times
Reputation: 15768
I keep reading about your "feelings" as if they are the most important aspect of this entire scenario.

They aren't. Your "feelings" are what are keeping you from creating your own life.

It's your parents house. You are an adult. You are not contributing to the family, you are simply drifting and drowning in your angst, wondering what you should do with your life. As the parent of two 20-something kids, I know exactly what your mother feels like. But mine went to school, graduated, got jobs -- changed jobs, changed relationships, started new interests . . . in other words, they are LIVING their life.

LIVE your life, dammit. Get in school, get busy, get a job, volunteer somewhere, GET OUT THE HOUSE. If you change you mind about being an architect, IT'S OK -- nothing is permanent in life. Very few people are doing at 45 what they went to school for at 21. You sound like the type of person who is frozen because they are afraid that anything they do will be a "mistake". So what? Many people learn best from their mistakes. The life your parents led had NOTHING to do with you -- they made their own choices, their own mistakes and they learned from them.

Do likewise. But don't think you will never make a misstep -- you are human.
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Old 10-03-2014, 10:22 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,160 posts, read 20,457,871 times
Reputation: 26438
Quote:
Originally Posted by animatedmartian View Post
I can't speak for a generation, but it affected me pretty hard when my parents got laid off during the recession. We were lucky because of the whole buyout thing the company had, but we lost our house and had to move to a rougher area. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but I lost contact with a lot of friends and had some anxiety issues after the move. Part of it was a lack of effort (by my friends and I) and part of it was me still trying to find out who my real friends were which is like a whole separate issue.

Plus I feel too honest to lead the country. I'd probably brag about whatever bribes I got and would immediately be removed from office.

The difference between people you age and people a decade older than you is that when we were kids, if your life sucked and you were under 18, you could blame your parents. If you were 18 or older and your life sucked, it was your fault for not getting out there and making it happen. Anxiety was not an excuse for doing nothing (we had it too but you dealt with it and lived your life), finding out who your real friends were was not something that crossed a person's mind once they were done with high school.

Different priorities, I guess.

My sister is 26 and my parents (dad has dementia and mom had to retire early to care for him) still help support her and her boyfriend, who is the same age and only works 10 hours a week. It's hard for me to understand how my sister is comfortable with this, and especially how her boyfriend is comfortable with it.
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Old 10-03-2014, 10:30 AM
 
13,677 posts, read 13,587,189 times
Reputation: 39892
You have an anxiety problem that you must address. You probably have a genetic predisposition towards it, but I suspect the fact that your mother is very free with her disapproval and was apparently abusive ("lashes" indicates she was hitting you with a belt) has intensified it.

You need to get a job and find a way to get out of their house. And you need to somehow find a way to treat your anxiety - it is stopping you from having a life.
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Old 10-03-2014, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Over yonder a piece
3,910 posts, read 4,646,868 times
Reputation: 6247
To the OP:

I agree with Hopes's suggestion about seeking out employment as a mail clerk or something along those lines that don't necessary require computer skills or a college degree. Work that job until you figure out your next steps when it comes to employment. The good news is that once you get a full-time job, many companies will pay to send you to training - you can go take Word and Excel classes to gain that knowledge. Also, with a full-time job you'll most likely have health insurance.

Once you have the full-time job the most important thing is to MOVE OUT. Try to find a room you can rent, or see if any of your friends are looking for a roommate. But either way - move out and move on. Heck, at this point if I were you I'd be grateful if someone would lend me their sofa to sleep on for a few weeks while I figure things out (I did this in the mid-90s - my boss (at a temp job) let me sleep in her basement for 2-3 months while I figured out where I was going to live after the house I was renting was sold by the owner and I only had a week to find a place). She let me stay there until I had saved up enough to put a security deposit and first month's rent on a place.

Ignore your parents' situation in the recession as well as your mom's negative behavior, and just worry about becoming an adult with a job and responsibilities and a desire to succeed. Time to set aside your "feelings" and focus on taking action.

One word of warning: don't go to a four-year college if you can't afford it. It's not worth the debt. Also, architecture is NOT a recommended employment route - I have several architect friends who are currently unemployed because the job market sucks (I don't know how I came to know so many architects - it just happened over time).

Consider a field that has real growth potential and sustainability. Healthcare is a strong field to go into as the boomers continue to age. Consider becoming a CNA with an eye on potentially becoming a nurse down the road. Or become an EMT. Both have some education requirements but it numbers in the hundreds or thousand of dollars rather than tens of thousands. They do NOT require college degrees. You can be certified and good to go within a few months for each of those positions. Both CNAs and EMT can lead to other positions within the healthcare industry over time. With both you can work some overtime not only to earn extra $$ but continue with on-the-job training. Since you seem to be very "feelings" based you may find that patients are drawn to you because you can empathize with them more ably than someone like me who lives based on logic, not emotion.

Good luck to you.
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Old 10-03-2014, 10:48 AM
 
16,720 posts, read 14,692,102 times
Reputation: 41119
Quote:
Originally Posted by animatedmartian View Post
I'm 22 years old still living with my parents. In fact, we're actually in the process of moving and should be in the new house by the end of this month.

Anyway, I graduated high school in 2010. I sort of put off college mainly because our family went through some changes during the recession and it kind of spooked me out a little bit. I didn't want to go to school without having decided what I actually wanted to do with my life and then be saddled with debt afterwards. Now it's 2014 and I feel ready to go to school and I'm feeling confident about what I want to do and where I'll be in time.... sort of.
Please don't take this personally; this is an open response to ALL kids your age who are still living off their parents:

As a parent, I'm saying to myself: You haven't gone to college and you're still sitting on my couch, using my internet and probably not paying for it. I'm guessing you don't have a job either, and you don't even know how to reset the dang modem yourself, while you are watching me clean up the house you live in!

As a parent, I don't care about your feelings when you are sitting around on my dime. Go get a job, help me out with your portion of the bills, start doing all the chores in the house.

As a parent, I'm sick of hearing your whining about not knowing what you want to do. If you want to go to college, GO! What the heck are you waiting for? If you don't, fine, then go join the military, so they can teach you some life skills and give you some self-confidence.

As a parent, I will never understand kids your age that think it's okay just to sit around while we work our butts off to make life easy for us, not you. You just happen to still be here to enjoy it.

As a parent, when you turned 18, I legally no longer have to take care of you. You're an adult. Act like one.

You're welcome.

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Old 10-03-2014, 12:02 PM
 
7,959 posts, read 9,705,072 times
Reputation: 14009
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
Please don't take this personally;
Seriously, the OP needs to take this personally. It is his life and he is ruining it.
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Old 10-03-2014, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Michigan
4,571 posts, read 7,032,489 times
Reputation: 3599
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adhom View Post
Perhaps growing up in the middle class was actually a hindrance for you coupled with your susceptibility for anxiety. Do you feel the need to at least do better than your parents careerwise?

I grew up poor. My dad always made a poverty level salary. However, I never felt poor even though I didn't have too many material things. You need to get over this part of you life and not let it hold you back. How can you tell you have anxiety? The fact that you worry about consequences so much that it prevents you from taking any action.
Honestly, I don't really care how I compare to my parents. I want to do something I am just happy to be doing. Whether I end up a millionaire or stuck in a studio apartment with no wife, if it's a job I enjoy and I'm not struggling to eat, I feel I'd be pretty happy.

But I do sometimes feel like that conflicts with trying to meet expectations, either from my parents or otherwise. It's a balancing act, I suppose?
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