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Old 10-03-2014, 12:38 PM
 
13,136 posts, read 20,699,235 times
Reputation: 35314

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Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
Please don't take this personally; this is an open response to ALL kids your age who are still living off their parents:

As a parent, I'm saying to myself: You haven't gone to college and you're still sitting on my couch, using my internet and probably not paying for it. I'm guessing you don't have a job either, and you don't even know how to reset the dang modem yourself, while you are watching me clean up the house you live in!

As a parent, I don't care about your feelings when you are sitting around on my dime. Go get a job, help me out with your portion of the bills, start doing all the chores in the house.

As a parent, I'm sick of hearing your whining about not knowing what you want to do. If you want to go to college, GO! What the heck are you waiting for? If you don't, fine, then go join the military, so they can teach you some life skills and give you some self-confidence.

As a parent, I will never understand kids your age that think it's okay just to sit around while we work our butts off to make life easy for us, not you. You just happen to still be here to enjoy it.

As a parent, when you turned 18, I legally no longer have to take care of you. You're an adult. Act like one.

You're welcome.

Perfect!
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Old 10-03-2014, 12:45 PM
 
7,926 posts, read 9,636,584 times
Reputation: 13936
Quote:
Originally Posted by animatedmartian View Post
Honestly, I don't really care how I compare to my parents. I want to do something I am just happy to be doing. Whether I end up a millionaire or stuck in a studio apartment with no wife, if it's a job I enjoy and I'm not struggling to eat, I feel I'd be pretty happy.

But I do sometimes feel like that conflicts with trying to meet expectations, either from my parents or otherwise. It's a balancing act, I suppose?
Look, the world is not perfect and most people do not actually find happiness through their career. It is a great aspiration, but you'll never get there just sitting around. And every day you do sit there keeps you further and further from your goal. And almost EVERYONE who is happy in their jobs or careers went through a fair number of jobs they didn't like. And when they found the career area which made them happy, they likely started at the bottom doing specific tasks that were undesirable.

You want it handed to you. It doesn't work that way. How in the world would you know what makes you happy or not if you don't get out and try?
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Old 10-03-2014, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Michigan
4,571 posts, read 7,007,977 times
Reputation: 3599
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
The difference between people you age and people a decade older than you is that when we were kids, if your life sucked and you were under 18, you could blame your parents. If you were 18 or older and your life sucked, it was your fault for not getting out there and making it happen. Anxiety was not an excuse for doing nothing (we had it too but you dealt with it and lived your life), finding out who your real friends were was not something that crossed a person's mind once they were done with high school.

Different priorities, I guess.

My sister is 26 and my parents (dad has dementia and mom had to retire early to care for him) still help support her and her boyfriend, who is the same age and only works 10 hours a week. It's hard for me to understand how my sister is comfortable with this, and especially how her boyfriend is comfortable with it.
I don't really blame my parents for making me feel any certain way, at least that wasn't my intent. I just felt that if I complained about something, instead of nodding and just listening, they felt the need to do something about it and are not really helping and then acting upset when whatever they tried to do didn't help.

Like, my mom often sends me job applications that I'm not qualified for (things that often require BAs or years of experience) and then says I'm not putting in the effort to find a job. It could be completely unintentional on her part, but like I know what sort of jobs I'm capable of doing or at least have a general idea towards and I apply towards those jobs.

One time I was actually really bummed out over a job I wanted and she helped when she explained that maybe it just wasn't the right time and I could probably try again later in time. That made me feel a lot better than her just shoving job applications in my face.
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Old 10-03-2014, 12:48 PM
 
7,926 posts, read 9,636,584 times
Reputation: 13936
Quote:
Originally Posted by animatedmartian View Post
But I do sometimes feel like that conflicts with trying to meet expectations, either from my parents or otherwise. It's a balancing act, I suppose?
Honestly, at this point, i'm sure your parents don't have any expectations higher than you just leaving their home and supporting yourself.
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Old 10-03-2014, 12:48 PM
 
2,779 posts, read 4,652,933 times
Reputation: 5034
At 22 you are an adult. Your feelings about your parents don't matter. Their support or non support of you doesn't matter. You living in their house and mooching off of them does matter. Get out, suck it up and let's act like an adult ok?

Btw I hope all the posters who never let their kids out of their sight, manage every aspect of their lives, and think everyone should get a trophy, are paying close attention.
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Old 10-03-2014, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Michigan
4,571 posts, read 7,007,977 times
Reputation: 3599
Quote:
Originally Posted by spencgr View Post
Look, the world is not perfect and most people do not actually find happiness through their career. It is a great aspiration, but you'll never get there just sitting around. And every day you do sit there keeps you further and further from your goal. And almost EVERYONE who is happy in their jobs or careers went through a fair number of jobs they didn't like. And when they found the career area which made them happy, they likely started at the bottom doing specific tasks that were undesirable.

You want it handed to you. It doesn't work that way. How in the world would you know what makes you happy or not if you don't get out and try?
You are completely right.
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Old 10-03-2014, 01:04 PM
 
Location: Michigan
4,571 posts, read 7,007,977 times
Reputation: 3599
Quote:
Originally Posted by spencgr View Post
Honestly, at this point, i'm sure your parents don't have any expectations higher than you just leaving their home and supporting yourself.
Actually, I'm not so sure about the leaving home part. People in this thread seem to have made a big deal about it, but it actually isn't unusual for relatives who were my age to still live at home now that I think about it.

My mom didn't buy her own home until she was probably around 27-29. I was probably 4 years old by that point. My dad didn't live on his own until roughly last year or so. He's around 45. My aunt and uncle stayed in the same house my grandma bought well at least 10 years after she passed away at the age of 50. My step-uncle still lives in the same home my step-grandma own and she passed away a few years ago.

And everyone was supporting themselves but just living under the same roof so it's not that unusual to me. Clearly now, the only part I'm not doing is supporting myself. I think my parents would just be happy if I had a job and actually have my own money.
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Old 10-03-2014, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Michigan
4,571 posts, read 7,007,977 times
Reputation: 3599
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
Please don't take this personally; this is an open response to ALL kids your age who are still living off their parents:

As a parent, I'm saying to myself: You haven't gone to college and you're still sitting on my couch, using my internet and probably not paying for it. I'm guessing you don't have a job either, and you don't even know how to reset the dang modem yourself, while you are watching me clean up the house you live in!

As a parent, I don't care about your feelings when you are sitting around on my dime. Go get a job, help me out with your portion of the bills, start doing all the chores in the house.

As a parent, I'm sick of hearing your whining about not knowing what you want to do. If you want to go to college, GO! What the heck are you waiting for? If you don't, fine, then go join the military, so they can teach you some life skills and give you some self-confidence.

As a parent, I will never understand kids your age that think it's okay just to sit around while we work our butts off to make life easy for us, not you. You just happen to still be here to enjoy it.

As a parent, when you turned 18, I legally no longer have to take care of you. You're an adult. Act like one.

You're welcome.

My parents have said these things to me before so I don't take it personally. But my parents never explained to me how to deal with things like stress and anxiety. They seem to just take everything in stride.
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Old 10-03-2014, 01:32 PM
 
Location: Over yonder a piece
3,897 posts, read 4,616,802 times
Reputation: 6230
Quote:
Originally Posted by animatedmartian View Post
Actually, I'm not so sure about the leaving home part. People in this thread seem to have made a big deal about it, but it actually isn't unusual for relatives who were my age to still live at home now that I think about it.
I lived in my parents' finished basement off and on throughout my 20s until I got married.

However, I was always employed, paid rent, did my own laundry, did my own cleaning, and supplied my own groceries.

I don't think you are doing this. And therein lies the difference.
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Old 10-03-2014, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Over yonder a piece
3,897 posts, read 4,616,802 times
Reputation: 6230
Quote:
Originally Posted by animatedmartian View Post
My parents have said these things to me before so I don't take it personally. But my parents never explained to me how to deal with things like stress and anxiety. They seem to just take everything in stride.
Uh, wait. My future adult children will blame me for not imparting upon them the common sense approach to stress and anxiety?

What do you have to be stressed about? You don't work, you have a mom who cooks and cleans for you, and you don't have to worry about responsibility-induced things like paying rent and utilities.

You have anxiety because you don't have a job? Even though you've not seriously LOOKED for one? You are anxious about what you want to do with your life? Even though you've never made an effort to get out there and get one started?

Geez.

Here's you deal with the stress of not having a job: APPLY FOR JOBS UNTIL YOU GET ONE.

Here's how to deal with anxiety: meet with a shrink and get a prescription, or put on some soothing music and practice yoga in your room.
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