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Old 10-04-2014, 05:11 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 5,728,103 times
Reputation: 11933

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I make friends incredibly easily, find KEEPING them almost impossible.

I'm nearly 50 and just gone through another 3 friendships all independently of one another, simultaneously, yet Again.

1. long story re. to lunch or not to lunch, short version - it was 4pm, too late for me, I told her that on phone at 3 but she was already at the mall (doing other stuff on way) so she got pissed then never called me for 6 weeks
mutual friend suicided
I had to read on FB
she KNEW
didn't tell me
just spoke to her and she said Wasn't my place
is this a friend or not?

2. crazy lady. not a real friend but still fits in somewhere on list

3. um maybe im exaggerating but It Sure Feels like more than 1

Ive just had 3 weeks where NO ONE CALLED and no one knows
'
Ive had my hair chopped and 2 teeth removed and a hole stitched in sinus (ouch) no help, food, support, even a ****ing glass of water

friend 1 didn't wish to talk about any of that
nor the suicide
literally said Im Not Talking about That Today

Am I being NEEDY?

Do I expect too much?
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Old 10-04-2014, 06:27 PM
 
14,790 posts, read 14,062,428 times
Reputation: 20500
No, doesn't sound like these are friends

Maybe what you are terming as friends, are acquaintances?
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Old 10-04-2014, 07:13 PM
 
13,113 posts, read 6,252,833 times
Reputation: 10868
No, you are not being needy. Nor are you expecting too much.

I've had people come and go from my life for years now. A few years back, I thought I had made a lasting friendship. Since I've been burned a lot by people I thought were friends, I'm slow to trust again. Yet I trusted this one---even told her. Yet she flaked out. When we became friends, she lived with her then-boyfriend next door to us. They broke up, she moved out. Yet she had no problem coming to my house and hanging out. Then she found another boyfriend and in weeks they were talking marriage. He lived nowhere near me. He dumped her---didn't surprise me as my gut feeling told me she was rushing things. Last time I heard from her was after the break up. She called me crying and said that she couldn't talk to me again for a while because...I reminded her of him She promised to email me. I never heard from her again.

Before meeting her, I did some introspection. Like you, I wondered if I came off as being needy. I didn't think so but I decided that I would let the other person set the pace. For example, if she was happy only getting together every now and then, I would accept that.

Sometimes I just think that many people don't know how to maintain friendships. Either that or they don't value friendships.

I do know that people from my parents' generation ("the greatest generation") seemed to know how to make and keep lifelong friendships---and back then there was no email or texting. If you moved away, you relied on snail mail or the occasional splurge of a long distance call.

Today keeping in touch has gotten much easier yet too many people don't make the effort.

Your friends should have taken the time to call you at least to see how you were doing.
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Old 10-04-2014, 09:24 PM
 
Location: Corona the I.E.
10,078 posts, read 14,041,444 times
Reputation: 8925
I am sorry these people let you down. People can be so much fun and such a disappointment at times.
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Old 10-05-2014, 02:19 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,322 posts, read 4,766,444 times
Reputation: 9765
I agree with all of the above.

People can be so selfish sometimes it lowers my faith in humanity. Which is already pretty low.

I'm also at a loss for friends since all my friends had kids and I'm self employed.
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Old 10-05-2014, 03:07 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 3,084,730 times
Reputation: 4286
are you calling them as friends? seriously? me not.
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Old 10-05-2014, 03:34 AM
 
Location: Upper Midwest
1,877 posts, read 3,728,118 times
Reputation: 1884
Friend #1: Could this possibly have been more of a "last straw" kind of upset as opposed to an isolated thing? Can you think of anything that you may have unintentionally have been doing to annoy her bit by bit over time? Have you been blowing her off repeatedly for lunch or get-togethers or otherwise flaking out on her in some way? Not saying you are, but am just trying to see both sides.

And yeah, actually, if she has made the decision to end the friendship, even shabbily and without so much as a formal goodbye, then she really DIDN'T have any formal obligation to tell you about the loss of your mutual friend. She should have. But sadly, that was as close to her formally saying, "We are no longer friends" as its going to get.

I agree though, she is no friend. Even if a person has good reasons to be upset with a friend, they owe it to that person to say what is bothering them. You guys aren't in 6th grade.

Last edited by MSPLove; 10-05-2014 at 03:43 AM..
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Old 10-05-2014, 09:34 AM
 
Location: Houston, TX
14,698 posts, read 8,504,331 times
Reputation: 29413
Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper View Post
I make friends incredibly easily, find KEEPING them almost impossible.

I'm nearly 50 and just gone through another 3 friendships all independently of one another, simultaneously, yet Again.

1. long story re. to lunch or not to lunch, short version - it was 4pm, too late for me, I told her that on phone at 3 but she was already at the mall (doing other stuff on way) so she got pissed then never called me for 6 weeks
mutual friend suicided
I had to read on FB
she KNEW
didn't tell me
just spoke to her and she said Wasn't my place
is this a friend or not?

2. crazy lady. not a real friend but still fits in somewhere on list

3. um maybe im exaggerating but It Sure Feels like more than 1

Ive just had 3 weeks where NO ONE CALLED and no one knows
'
Ive had my hair chopped and 2 teeth removed and a hole stitched in sinus (ouch) no help, food, support, even a ****ing glass of water

friend 1 didn't wish to talk about any of that
nor the suicide
literally said Im Not Talking about That Today

Am I being NEEDY?

Do I expect too much?
What on earth does this post mean?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
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