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Old 10-06-2014, 07:15 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 39,979,322 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by herndonuser View Post
I go out couple times a month with my friends for dinner. I am single with no kids whereas all my friends have kids. When it comes time to pay the bill, they always split it up equally amongst the adults so I end up paying portion of the kids meals as well which is not fair. How to bring this topic up and please suggest a fair way to split up the dinner bill. I want to spend time with friends but also don't want to feel resentful .
When you order your meal and drink ask for a separate check and leave your own tip according to the cost of your meal.
We do that all the time but one of us will also go and hand our server the tip if we use cash to tip because we do not like to leave it on the table.
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Old 10-06-2014, 08:02 AM
 
Location: Birmingham, Alabama
2,056 posts, read 1,959,222 times
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She will pay her own way, point blank. Me and my boys are each gonna pay our way, as we are on friend status. if she's friend-zoned me, I'll remind her to bring her lunch money...
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Old 10-06-2014, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Chicagoland
5,639 posts, read 8,626,276 times
Reputation: 6758
Quote:
Originally Posted by herndonuser View Post
I go out couple times a month with my friends for dinner. I am single with no kids whereas all my friends have kids. When it comes time to pay the bill, they always split it up equally amongst the adults so I end up paying portion of the kids meals as well which is not fair. How to bring this topic up and please suggest a fair way to split up the dinner bill. I want to spend time with friends but also don't want to feel resentful .
1) Ask for separate checks

OR

2) Just calculate your portion and contribute only that amount, plus tip/tax %, and say "That should cover my portion."

OR

3) If above is too difficult, order an extra dessert (at approximate price you are contributing towards the kids' meals) and have it boxed to go. Sometimes passive-aggressive behavior works.
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Old 10-06-2014, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,232 posts, read 7,854,096 times
Reputation: 53183
We used to have the same issue with our alcoholic friends. We would each order one drink to their several drinks a piece. We used to pick up the entire tab if we invited them out for dinner but contributing to their alcoholism got old. We started asking for separate checks. If we're in a group of friends we ask for separate checks and explain that it's a rewards credit card and we try to put everything on that specific card. I've never been to a restaurant with a large group that has denied that request. If you have to pay with cash then have only enough to pay your portion. The people with kids will have to pay their fair share. It's rude of your friends to expect you to pay part of their children's tab.
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Old 10-06-2014, 10:20 AM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,601,870 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by herndonuser View Post
I go out couple times a month with my friends for dinner. I am single with no kids whereas all my friends have kids. When it comes time to pay the bill, they always split it up equally amongst the adults so I end up paying portion of the kids meals as well which is not fair. How to bring this topic up and please suggest a fair way to split up the dinner bill. I want to spend time with friends but also don't want to feel resentful .
Ask for a separate check right away, upon ordering. If you can't do that for some strange reason, start figuring your check long ahead of the end of dinner, then give your portion in cash. If they ask for more, point out that you don't have kids. As a parent, I would never ask this, so maybe one of your "friends" needs to be put in his/her place.
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Old 10-06-2014, 10:27 AM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,601,870 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Squirl View Post
I like splitting the bill. It never bothers me if others get cocktails and I just drink water. Or, if others get dessert and I do not. I am lucky. The difference between a $15 bill and a $30 bill doesn't matter to me because I can afford it.

But, being able to relax and enjoy the meal and time together with friends is what matters; and not having to be concerned about the tab is a luxury that I was not always able to enjoy.

If you are resentful because splitting the bill stresses your budget, then you must step up and reveal that you are able to have these times with friends more frequently if each party gets a separate check. If you are resentful because splitting the bill just doesn't "seem fair" its time to question how much you value these folks being a part of your life and if childish beliefs & feelings are standing in the way of becoming an actualized individual. I am the daughter of a woman who remained petty over such things her entire life. Her death left her heirs with a small fortune. I would rather have had a more loving and emotionally generous mother.
Meanwhile you might wind up with friends who are users because they know you can afford not to teach them some manners. Not all of us want friends like that.
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Old 10-06-2014, 10:35 AM
 
69 posts, read 87,831 times
Reputation: 65
That is really some great advice everyone. I have always been very non- assertive and am trying to overcome that personality flaw. I always worry what others will think of me but I know it's to my detriment and I am trying to change that, slowly but surely. I cannot really afford to be forking out $50 every couple weeks when I have only consumed $15 worth of food. Again, I really appreciate you all taking the time to help me figure this out.
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Old 10-06-2014, 03:48 PM
 
8,315 posts, read 9,753,897 times
Reputation: 10607
Quote:
Originally Posted by herndonuser View Post
I go out couple times a month with my friends for dinner. I am single with no kids whereas all my friends have kids. When it comes time to pay the bill, they always split it up equally amongst the adults so I end up paying portion of the kids meals as well which is not fair. How to bring this topic up and please suggest a fair way to split up the dinner bill. I want to spend time with friends but also don't want to feel resentful .
My wife and I are childless, and we frequently go out on dinner dates with our friends who have children. We just tell the waitress/waiter ahead of time that we will all be on separate tickets. That way we all pay for only what we ordered.
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Old 10-06-2014, 04:13 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,656 posts, read 6,957,805 times
Reputation: 13952
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiona13 View Post
I don't understand how people can get offended if you ask for separate checks. I have several friends who do not drink alcohol and I would not expect them to pay for my glass of wine. It is so much easier to have separate checks and not have to worry about it. Anytime I've gone out to eat in a large group and not gotten separate checks, everyone pays for their own meal and drink and puts in for the tip. If someone only ordered a salad, their share of the check should be smaller than the person who had an appetizer, entree and dessert. Going out here is expensive and splitting it this way avoids an awkward situation.
And I don't know if it's just here, but when we have gone out with friends for meals- generally it's been other couples, we have asked for separate checks for each couple, and the waitresses/waiters have had no issues doing that.
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