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Old 10-05-2014, 08:44 PM
 
Location: Greenbelt, MD
8,932 posts, read 6,466,155 times
Reputation: 44202

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Much ado about nothing. So the relatives hold a different opinion about whether some sort of funeral should have been held. You would distance yourself because of a difference of opinion? If that is your normal reaction to disagreement, I have to wonder if you have any people left (whether relatives or not) with whom you are on good terms.

This is just nothing to get all that worked up about. Why make it an issue, since it is past history. Let them organize a memorial service of their own if they really want to, as another poster so wisely and sensibly suggested. They have a right to honor and remember their relative, just as they do NOT have a right to set aside that relative's wishes. The relative's wishes were honored by his next of kin, so there is really no issue here at all.
While I am a loner for the most part I find what I bolded absurd and quite insulting.

I have low tolerance for people with attitudes like this.
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Old 10-05-2014, 09:34 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,664,443 times
Reputation: 32297
Quote:
Originally Posted by John13 View Post
While I am a loner for the most part I find what I bolded absurd and quite insulting.

I have low tolerance for people with attitudes like this.
O.K., you bolded part of one of my sentences and you found it "absurd and quite insulting." I submit that it would have been less absurd and less insulting if you had included the "if" clause with which I began that sentence. Please go back and re-read with proper attention to that "if" clause.

My point was that it is possible to get too worked up about differences of opinion, i.e., to over-react to them. I did not mean to imply that you always over-react; I just meant that your reaction in this case was an over-reaction.

I regret that you felt insulted by what was essentially a rhetorical device.
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Old 10-05-2014, 09:51 PM
 
Location: Greenbelt, MD
8,932 posts, read 6,466,155 times
Reputation: 44202
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
O.K., you bolded part of one of my sentences and you found it "absurd and quite insulting." I submit that it would have been less absurd and less insulting if you had included the "if" clause with which I began that sentence. Please go back and re-read with proper attention to that "if" clause.

My point was that it is possible to get too worked up about differences of opinion, i.e., to over-react to them. I did not mean to imply that you always over-react; I just meant that your reaction in this case was an over-reaction.

I regret that you felt insulted by what was essentially a rhetorical device.
Ummm, excuse me but you did exactly the same thing, first. You picked apart one item out of 3 lines in what I thought was a good post.
I'm standing by the entire content.
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Old 10-05-2014, 11:50 PM
 
12,544 posts, read 12,464,529 times
Reputation: 28900
Quote:
Originally Posted by TitanWarrior View Post
So there were comments from other relatives that it was disrespectful not to have a funeral and that his wishes were "selfish".
Geez! Isn't it something how some people are so self-absorbed that they can't even let a man die without making his experience about themselves?

And that's pretty much what I would say to them. "His death, his way. It's about him, not YOU. When you die, you can do it your way."

My condolences on your loss.
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Old 10-06-2014, 12:03 AM
 
2,620 posts, read 2,509,186 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TitanWarrior View Post
Of course people have an habit of putting their nose into other people's business. So there were comments from other relatives that it was disrespectful not to have a funeral and that his wishes were "selfish".
Yep. And you say, "Yes, I can see how some might feel that way, but that's what he wanted." Then you move on and not give them a second thought.
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Old 10-06-2014, 12:33 AM
 
Location: California
30,513 posts, read 33,335,622 times
Reputation: 25987
My friend passed away suddenly a few years back and there was a private cremation with just her two children, her husband, her mother and brother. Then they went to a local place to eat and just as they sat down one of her favorite songs started playing on the sound system. The daughter called me the next day and said that even though she was originally apprehensive about doing things that way it ended up feeling right.

There was a nice and simple Catholic service and reception a few weeks later, when other relatives and friends could make arrangements to attend. A few years after that they took her ashes to another country to be buried in a cemetery that held many of her relatives and ancestors.

There is not one correct way to do these things.
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Old 10-06-2014, 03:29 AM
 
16,487 posts, read 21,015,724 times
Reputation: 16171
I live in another state from my family. My sister has been the one to make the decisions. I have lost my mother and father and youngest brother in the past 20 years. She had them all cremated and shipped off some of the ashes to each of my siblings and myself. There was no funeral service, nothing, not even a place in the obituaries. Personally I think that is sad to not be acknowledge in any way.
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Old 10-06-2014, 03:41 AM
 
3,737 posts, read 9,573,155 times
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My mom and dad made the same request and we followed their wishes. If ANY relative had made such hurtful comments, well lets say that relative would be cut out of the family.

No matter the age or religion, seems there are those who want life to be their way or no way.
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Old 10-06-2014, 06:59 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 3,062,795 times
Reputation: 4285
Quote:
Originally Posted by TitanWarrior View Post
I had a great-uncle who passed away on Friday. He discovered he had colon cancer but didn't tell anybody.

He committed suicide on Friday to prevent the disease from developing further and was found by his son. His body was taken for an autopsy and cremated yesterday without a funeral service. He stated his wishes in a number of documents/letters he left. His ashes were then buried in his wife's grave.

There was no one present during the cremation besides his two sons and grandchildren.

Of course people have an habit of putting their nose into other people's business. So there were comments from other relatives that it was disrespectful not to have a funeral and that his wishes were "selfish".

I mean, why can't people simply respect other people's choices? They probably would have found an excuse not to go to the funeral!

First of all accept my sincere sympathy regarding your uncle. Truly hard for you all. People put their nose to other yeah tell me about it, we went through the same after my grand ma died. She wanted us to donate her body to the medical school for students to learn.That was clearly said in her last will, Our some of relatives said the same thing "no grand funeral was seriously disrespectful for the dead person" who is saying people who did not even bother to ask how she was doing when she was living. Honestly I wish I knew the answer for I mean, why can't people simply respect other people's choices? that is what my mother said too during that hard time during loss of her mother. I think it is their mind. Some people think they can wash away the guilt for not being there for the dead one when they alive with bring a huge flower bouquet and they miss that chance to show off and they make dirty comments. Don't even mind that sort of people.
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Old 10-06-2014, 07:33 AM
 
2,056 posts, read 2,451,055 times
Reputation: 3799
It was his life, and it was his death. End of discussion. I would have probably done exactly the same thing given the same circumstances.
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