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We all get judged in life, ok. But I have had people in my life insist on believing that I'm a "mean girl" type, even when ALL evidence points to the contrary. It's like they have their minds made up about me and they won't budge on that.
A few times I've been able to build better relationships with these people, and they have told me that I reminded them of someone in their past who hurt them. Ok, I get that if you had a bad experience with a certain type of person, you might be a little gun-shy going forward. But to judge ALL people who look or act similarly to the person that hurt you, without ACTUALLY getting to know them? That's a little strange.
The fact is, I am not a "mean girl". But if I'm faced with someone who wants to believe that about me, I do not try to convince them otherwise. Way too much energy wasted there.
If you don't mind my asking, about how old are you?
I ask because no, I have not encountered anything like this since I graduated high school and entered the world of adults. The situation you describe sounds very immature. If you and your friends are young, I'd say hang in there, you'll grow out of it.
If you're already an adult and you keep coming across people who judge you as a "mean girl", then you have to go back to this basic premise: One or two people, you blow off. When it starts occurring over and over, you might need to consider that it's you, not them.
I think "mean girl " exist in high school. Are you? I never had that trouble not even in high school. No one came to judge me either. But some times it is possible the tone you say things some people does not like that.
Yes, I have had it twice and I'm in my 30s. The first person is an in law that even her mother acknowledges is crazy. She's always a victim. The other is at work, and is jealous that we used to be peers and now I am the manager. I'm actually a really nice manager and even HR told the person that she was just being constantly defensive, assuming every word or glance from me had some malicious intent. Maybe you remind them of a high school bully they had. Or maybe they're just nuts.
When the evidence that you put into the world points to the contrary, the issue is with them. I can't control their thoughts. I can only control my actions and my actions are always polite and professional.
It hasn't been a frequent thing. But it has happened a few times and it stands out to me because it is not my nature to be "mean" for the sake of being mean.
In the moment, I can see that the issue is with them, it's just baffling to me why some people would have SUCH thick defenses to where they refuse to even get to know a person based on some preconceived notion.
Similar to yellowbelle's experience, one of them was a professional victim, had been bullied out of elementary school twice I think, and had something suspicious to think about everyone. She was very childlike in the way she viewed people, in that she would categorize them - put them into little "boxes" - and then that was IT. You were either split white or split black, good or bad, this or that - there was no in-between and no curiosity about the WHOLE person. Strange.
I get that a lot from people who don't know me well. Once they do get to know me they realize I am actually pretty nice. But I am a very serious minded and focused type of person and I can be very intense. I also carry myself in a way that comes off as... hmm... not ladylike? I take big steps, take up space, own the space I am in, look people in the eye, keep my head up....some people consider those behaviors to be intimidating or threatening. Especially in a woman.
I get that once in a while. We're not alone, although it feels that way. When you try to speak up about it, someone says, "you must've done something." Nope. Never said a word to these people and they put a label on me.
Last time it happened a year ago at work. This new employee kept giving me dirty looks and would stare me down, and even go as far as saying in a loud voice "I don't like people like her! I know I don't like her! I bet she's a Virgo, because I hate Virgos!" I had never spoken to this young woman and I very much doubt she knew my name. I didn't take her seriously as a threat or anything (in fact the astrology thing makes me laugh just now), but it was annoying to me that every time I was around she was glaring at me from a distance like I'm someone who had bad intentions toward her. One coworker who worked with me a long time even told her to knock it off because I'm not the kind of person she said I am. One time I spoke to this young woman after all this, I had to ask her a question about something work-related (nothing complicated though), and she had a fearful or troubled look on her face and answered lowly. Funny how she was hostile to me at a distance and seemed scared when we were face-to-face. Size wasn't the issue either, she was much bigger than I am.
So to answer your question, I don't know. As I have typed in another post, sometimes I feel like I have the word "b-tch" stamped on my forehead! And when I ask people I know why I have these experiences, they're saying, "oh no! Nothing's wrong with you!" It's confusing. Like you OP I do not have bad intentions towards anyone, and I give people chances to show themselves instead of "judging" them immediately. I'm not aggressive, loud or arrogant either--in fact I get told I need to "speak up."
If there is more than one person saying it, look at yourself and examine, maybe you're putting out some kind of meanness and don't realize it. If after that, people are still calling you mean, think about associating with others that don't think that about you.
Some people are negative in that way, thinking pretty much everyone is mean. I've had my share of people in my life, that I could say hello to them and they would take it the wrong way.
If there is more than one person saying it, look at yourself and examine, maybe you're putting out some kind of meanness and don't realize it.
That's good advice. Sometimes our body language unintentionally sends a message. Another possibility is "b%%chy rest face".
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