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Old 10-07-2014, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Early America
1,698 posts, read 815,827 times
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OP, you have unwittingly become the hoarder's enabler. Your solutions and excuses express classic codependent behaviors.
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Old 10-08-2014, 06:44 AM
 
13,294 posts, read 25,463,471 times
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Rambler,
I've read on another forum how much you love the area where you live and am sorry you might find it necessary to move. If you want to say, what is the larger town where you hope to move, with cheaper rents and more jobs (I know it'd be hard to have fewer jobs than where you are. I also love the area as a visitor). Hoping you are OK and will find a way to flourish.
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Old 10-08-2014, 07:42 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 92,000,781 times
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A few years ago, I went to a fascinating estate sale in a stately Victorian mansion. It wasn't filled with garbage or anything, but the deceased had an addiction to collecting antique metal irons. The type of clothes irons that were heated up in a fire or on a stove. OMG, they were everywhere. There wasn't a room that didn't have irons everywhere. The attic and basement were full of irons. There were mountains of irons in piles on the floor up to the ceiling. It was sort of unsettling thinking of what was going on in this person's mind.

I'd advise your roommate that he can own whatever he wants as long as he keeps it in his room. If he wants an additional room for his stuff, he has to pay you more rent for the extra room.
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Old 10-08-2014, 11:00 AM
 
Location: CO/UT/AZ/NM Catch me if you can!
4,697 posts, read 4,332,367 times
Reputation: 10278
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
A few years ago, I went to a fascinating estate sale in a stately Victorian mansion. It wasn't filled with garbage or anything, but the deceased had an addiction to collecting antique metal irons. The type of clothes irons that were heated up in a fire or on a stove. OMG, they were everywhere. There wasn't a room that didn't have irons everywhere. The attic and basement were full of irons. There were mountains of irons in piles on the floor up to the ceiling. It was sort of unsettling thinking of what was going on in this person's mind.

I'd advise your roommate that he can own whatever he wants as long as he keeps it in his room. If he wants an additional room for his stuff, he has to pay you more rent for the extra room.
Oh, man! That is bizarre - a mansion full of irons. I wonder if the owner had lived alone or if he had one very traumatized housemate?

I absolutely agree with your advise. Yesterday my roomie came home with a fresh batch of junk, and he put it all in his room. I think all my comments on the candle stick collection may have started to sink in. Keeping my fingers crossed...
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Old 10-08-2014, 11:07 AM
 
Location: california
5,621 posts, read 4,848,269 times
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Do you own the stuff , or does the stuff own you ?
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Old 10-08-2014, 11:13 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 92,000,781 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colorado Rambler View Post
Oh, man! That is bizarre - a mansion full of irons. I wonder if the owner had lived alone or if he had one very traumatized housemate?
It was a normal family---husband, wife and children. The husband was a metallurgical engineer. The wife was a professor. The children were all middle-aged adults who lived elsewhere. This was an estate. I can't remember if the husband or the wife was the last surviving spouse. It wasn't clear who collected the irons, but I suspected it was the husband because of his profession. They traveled the world extensively. We gathered all of this information searching the filing cabinets in the basement. My son was with me, and he bought a 1960s propaganda poster from a foreign country for a dollar. It turned out to be worth $500. We found it in the filing cabinets with the travel memorabilia.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Colorado Rambler View Post
I absolutely agree with your advise. Yesterday my roomie came home with a fresh batch of junk, and he put it all in his room. I think all my comments on the candle stick collection may have started to sink in. Keeping my fingers crossed...
I'm glad you came to an agreement.
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Old 10-08-2014, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Moku Nui, Hawaii
9,583 posts, read 18,779,674 times
Reputation: 8430
Since your room mate is a guy and generally guys love to solve problems, have you asked him how to solve the problem? At the moment, it sounds like he doesn't really see it as a problem, but if he is working on finding a solution, then that would perhaps bring it into his consciousness as being a problem.

How do you define the problem to him? You might get more engagement of his efforts if you can define the problem in an unpersonal way such as "not enough room on the table" and "hard to dust and clean". Although then he may just want to build more storage areas and then there would be even more stuff.

Can he find a consignment shop and resell any of this stuff? How about eBay? Might be a money making opportunity and keep him busy selling instead of buying? Can he rent a small shop somewhere and fill it with stuff to sell? A resale or consignment shop would keep him busy.

Is there any way to get him a new hobby? If he's busy doing something else, he won't be out gathering more things.

Can you pin point any particular reasons he has such a drive to acquire? Frequently folks who grow up with nothing want to surround themselves with plenty.
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Old 10-08-2014, 12:10 PM
 
13,294 posts, read 25,463,471 times
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Apparently he works in a thrift shop and that's where he's getting a lot of stuff.

Once when I visited CO, I bought a few antique flatirons for bookends. The proprietor was bemused, said, "My grandmother was so happy when she could stop using those old things, and here you are buying them to drag them across the country!"
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Old 10-08-2014, 09:28 PM
 
16,025 posts, read 19,571,183 times
Reputation: 26194
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colorado Rambler View Post
Agree that I don't need to be this man's parent. I can kick him out any time I please. My name is the one on the lease and I am the one responsible for paying the landlord the rent. I made sure it was OK with my landlord for him to move in here, and she was fine with it. She and I have a pretty good relationship, and there's no way she would take his side over mine if it came down to that. However, I'd rather achieve some sort of compromise/understanding with him rather than go through all the drama and small town gossip that throwing him out would entail.



Oh, I agree that this guy has his share of emotional problems, plus he is a cancer survivor who still has to go into the VA once a month for blood tests and stuff to make sure that the cancer has not returned or that something else may be going wrong with his health. If I was planning on sharing my house with him for years, I'd be much more proactive and concerned that he get into some kind of therapy. As it is, we'll very likely have gone our seperate ways by this time next year. It's just too remote and isolated in this part of Colorado for me and the local economy sucks. Plus, I have health concerns of my own and the medical care here is fine if you have a cold, absolutely awful if you have anything more serious. So I am looking very hard at moving to a larger city or at the very least, moving to a larger and more progressive town 60 miles down the road from here. All I ask is a little bit of peace while I consider what to do next without being annoyed by an avalanche of brass candle sticks every time I try to reach for a book or a document that I need to use to help myself figure my own situation out. Besides that, my housemate has already started dating some new chick and if she lets him, he'll get all involved with her and want to move into her place, I'm sure. I think he is being foolish to jump into another relationship so quickly when his divorce isn't even final yet, but that's a man for you. So, six months from now his new honey may be the one contemplating all the brass objects cluttering up her living room and dodging avalanches of moldy oreos every time she opens the door to her fridge. I must add that this having a man as a platonic housemate has been a very interesting experience. In fact, if I ever become seriously interested in some guy in the future, I think it would be very eye opening to just share a living sppace as roommates - nothing more. At least I'd know if the guy came complete with 100 boxes plus of junk and I could decide if he was really worth it or not. That poor woman has no idea of what she's letting herself in for if she decides to keep seeing him. Hah!
You're saying some of the right things "Talkin the talk........The problem is, you're saying them to strangers on the net, instead of addressing the real issues, with the guy who needs to hear it. As long as you can post this here, I have a feeling it is enabling you to continue to live with this, after all...you're able to vent here...that appeases you for a bit....Sort of like we are enabling you to continue to do nothing about it. Imagine what you'd do about this, if you had no place to vent about this situation....

I had already read and posted in your other thread.....when it was limited to bookshelves and cupboards....now you're mentioning your table is covered, your counters are covered.....and it has only been a few weeks???? Has he filled up that storage building???

Also....Something you might want to think about....as you mentioned, your name is on the lease. What's going to happen when your landlord has to come into your house? You think she will buy it, that he is the hoarder?
I'd give that some thought. You are in a mess...no pun intended...And it will only get worse fast.
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