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Believe me, a LOT of people have NO patience whatsoever. I've seen people get mad and move to another register while I'm handing the guy ahead of them his change!
I also worked as a grocery store cashier and waitress while in school, so I try to be friendly/patient as a customer without slowing down the process. I'll never forget, a few years back, I loaded my groceries on the belt, smiled at the cashier, and said something like "How's your day been?" The cashier briefly looked up and smiled and responded to me while continuing to scan my items - I don't think she even paused her scanning for a second.
At that moment, the crazy, impatient, key-jiggling woman behind me said rudely "Excuse me, some of us are in a hurry." The cashier and I just looked at each other - like wtf - and we fell completely silent (apparently the other customer wanted no chit chat that could be potentially distracting to the process - sound familiar?). So I looked back at her and said something like, "You do realize that when I asked her about her day, she did not stop scanning my items so it did not cause you any delay whatsoever." Usually I'd ignore people like that but I could tell the cashier was upset about it. There can be some incredibly rude people in the world, some of whom have exhibited themselves on this thread.
OP, you must calm down, or you will give yourself high blood pressure! Good grief.
I always remind myself whenever I find myself getting impatient that I really have NO IDEA what struggles the person ahead of me may be dealing with. Are they living paycheck to paycheck and must literally watch every penny? Is their mind on a sick or dying relative? Are they dealing with cancer, arthritis, stroke recovery, or any other myriad of illnesses? Perhaps, as someone else said, they are very security aware and do not want their wallet/purse open ahead of time for everyone to see credit card numbers, amount of cash, etc. Are they in pain and movement hurts; therefore, they move slowly and methodically? Bottom line, OP, you have NO IDEA what the people ahead of you are dealing with.
Develop some empathy, be kind to everyone you meet, and lower your blood pressure. You will be much happier for it.
No the left turning thing is a big deal, at least where I live and work. If you don't feel like you can safely pull out and turn left, people start to drive up your butt, honking and cursing at you. I don't act like that, but I do get silently annoyed at people who seem to just be waiting and waiting when I know I could have pulled out safely. I start to think "Who the hell do you think you are? why are you entitled to be in my way, holding other people up?" I just don't want to hold up other people and act like I think I'm so special that I can hold them up all day.
Lot of responses already, but it's yet another compelling thread. Excellent.
So-and-so (OP) is not going to "relax," she's a Myer's Briggs ISTJ or ISFJ I'm guessing. So it seems, anyway. Hell, she and I should be dating: the house would be spotless, but we'd both be exerting energy to minimize trouble at the dinner party making sure everyone's salad fork is chilled and wine glasses full. A LOT of energy.
Different perspective, and gender, and physics: I'm size L (tall-ish, large-ish) and not super emotional. Steadfast in demeanor. M-B ISTP, with J tendencies (on the line), And yes, like OP, people are mostly irritating to me because dealing with conflict is time-wasting. I'm self-aware and work around my own rational, but unreasonable, dislike of dealing with the vagaries of others. Most of the time. That's OP's point, I assume? People get out of my way, if I bulldoze due to shear mass, but I don't abuse the privilege. That's rude, and bullying: because you can do something, does not mean you should.
At work, at least, we're all uber professionals. We have elaborate codes of behavior that are totally unspoken, but WILL be obeyed if you're to remain in the club. We're all warriors, diverting our energy to the modern battlefields of words and ideas. That's true of most or all business, actually, but just mentioning it. Within a behavior framework, everyone can learn to minimize friction.
There is a fine line between being assertive and upfront, and irritating others (perception and reality). I skirt both sides of that line, but try to ride it and follow the reasonable rules. Unreasonable rules are for dunces; I'm smart enough to know the difference and fight City Hall using means fair and unfair to change those.
OP's right; for irritable cusses or those not wanting to make waves, it is usually best to maximize personal efficiency to minimize friction with others. If there is friction, there will be smoke. If smoke, maybe fire. If fire, I'm really P.O'd and maybe the other guy or gal is, too. Who needs that?
The flip side of too much efficiency is close to zero tolerance for inefficiency. We can guess what the symptoms of that are: nothing's ever "right" that others do.
And yes, some of the above rubs the wrong way with more-aggressive people. Believe it, Jack, if I wanted to be "more aggressive" you'd be on your backside in 4 seconds. But, again: I do not...roll...that...way unless faced with aggression. Go along, to get along, by mostly following the rules. If there are obstacles, exit them out of the way as soon as possible to go about my business, without...yes, again...causing that friction.
(LOL: or I've totally misread this thread, and the Meek Shall Inherit the Earth after all. I'm discussing elaborate diplomacy, to keep from killing each other off at every traffic light or line at the store. The protocols that should, in my opinion, be obeyed to keep a civilized society running.)
You talk about 10 minutes like it's nothing. If you're in line, 10 minutes is excruciating. If it's just a lot of people in line, but they're all moving along quickly, it's not so bad. If it's one person with a ton of stuff or tons of coupons, I would pretty much avoid that line anyway. But if I have no choice and the person just has a lot of stuff, as long as they're moving along at a decent pace, I'm fine with it. It's the extra things people do to cause delays that are super-annoying. The things mentioned earlier:
--Not deciding to get out your money of debit card until the very end, like it's a surprise. Oh, I guess I'll pay now....
--Squabbling with the cashier because a price is a few pennies different than what the shelf said. Making the cashier change things that already have been entered.
--One or two coupons that scan quickly: no problem, but a whole bunch of coupons that the person just suddenly "remembers" to bring out after everything is totaled, that take a long time to enter: yes, a problem. There should be a special line for people who have all day.
--Someone who does want to break a dollar and has to search and search to give the cashier exact change. What's the big deal with getting some change back? Is 17 cents gonna weigh down your purse?
I just think that when we're in line, in front of somebody, even waiting at a light that's about to turn green, we all need to have a sense of purpose and urgency to keep everything moving. I take care to not hold others up. I couldn't even imagine being in a position to make people behind me wait 10 minutes!
I'm a fast cashier and I'm also a very picky bagger and I can get someone with a full cart out of there in ten minutes, or less, IF nothing goes wrong. My front end manager gave me a nice compliment yesterday in a meeting when she said that if she sees me on a register she doesn't CARE if I have a long line because she KNOWS she's going to have a "good experience", I'm going to get her out fast and be really nice about it. I have patience, especially with older people, disabled people and those who obviously have a problem doing things. I will help them all I can for them, for me and for the people behind them.
Maybe YOU should learn to accept the things you can't change about people because, believe me, you aren't going to. And oh my, there ARE people who pull out a FULL pocket of change and pay for their entire order with it. What would YOU do about that??
Last edited by AZDesertBrat; 10-07-2014 at 06:23 PM..
I also worked as a grocery store cashier and waitress while in school, so I try to be friendly/patient as a customer without slowing down the process. I'll never forget, a few years back, I loaded my groceries on the belt, smiled at the cashier, and said something like "How's your day been?" The cashier briefly looked up and smiled and responded to me while continuing to scan my items - I don't think she even paused her scanning for a second.
At that moment, the crazy, impatient, key-jiggling woman behind me said rudely "Excuse me, some of us are in a hurry." The cashier and I just looked at each other - like wtf - and we fell completely silent (apparently the other customer wanted no chit chat that could be potentially distracting to the process - sound familiar?). So I looked back at her and said something like, "You do realize that when I asked her about her day, she did not stop scanning my items so it did not cause you any delay whatsoever." Usually I'd ignore people like that but I could tell the cashier was upset about it. There can be some incredibly rude people in the world, some of whom have exhibited themselves on this thread.
Oh yeah, there are people like that out there. I've seen them. I waitressed for over 30 years and have been a retail cashier for over four years. Not much I haven't seen/experienced. We are nothing if not multi taskers! We can work and talk a little at the same time. I bet she'd be one of those that would complain if you didn't talk to HER. I actually had a lady do that! I always say "Hi, how you doing today?" to ALL my customers. If they ignore me I just get on with the job at hand, and especially if I have a long line I am concentrating on what I'm doing. Well, she complained to a manager. They took the complaint, told her to have a good day and let it go because they KNOW me better than that. That kind of stuff doesn't upset me. I just wondered who peed in her corn flakes that morning.
I should've known op sounded like people here from NJ; I notice growing up there that people were actually considerate that way...unlike some other places I lived that were quite the opposite
Lot of responses already, but it's yet another compelling thread. Excellent.
So-and-so (OP) is not going to "relax," she's a Myer's Briggs ISTJ or ISFJ I'm guessing. So it seems, anyway. Hell, she and I should be dating: the house would be spotless, but we'd both be exerting energy to minimize trouble at the dinner party making sure everyone's salad fork is chilled and wine glasses full. A LOT of energy.
Different perspective, and gender, and physics: I'm size L (tall-ish, large-ish) and not super emotional. Steadfast in demeanor. M-B ISTP, with J tendencies (on the line), And yes, like OP, people are mostly irritating to me because dealing with conflict is time-wasting. I'm self-aware and work around my own rational, but unreasonable, dislike of dealing with the vagaries of others. Most of the time. That's OP's point, I assume? People get out of my way, if I bulldoze due to shear mass, but I don't abuse the privilege. That's rude, and bullying: because you can do something, does not mean you should.
At work, at least, we're all uber professionals. We have elaborate codes of behavior that are totally unspoken, but WILL be obeyed if you're to remain in the club. We're all warriors, diverting our energy to the modern battlefields of words and ideas. That's true of most or all business, actually, but just mentioning it. Within a behavior framework, everyone can learn to minimize friction.
There is a fine line between being assertive and upfront, and irritating others (perception and reality). I skirt both sides of that line, but try to ride it and follow the reasonable rules. Unreasonable rules are for dunces; I'm smart enough to know the difference and fight City Hall using means fair and unfair to change those.
OP's right; for irritable cusses or those not wanting to make waves, it is usually best to maximize personal efficiency to minimize friction with others. If there is friction, there will be smoke. If smoke, maybe fire. If fire, I'm really P.O'd and maybe the other guy or gal is, too. Who needs that?
The flip side of too much efficiency is close to zero tolerance for inefficiency. We can guess what the symptoms of that are: nothing's ever "right" that others do.
And yes, some of the above rubs the wrong way with more-aggressive people. Believe it, Jack, if I wanted to be "more aggressive" you'd be on your backside in 4 seconds. But, again: I do not...roll...that...way unless faced with aggression. Go along, to get along, by mostly following the rules. If there are obstacles, exit them out of the way as soon as possible to go about my business, without...yes, again...causing that friction.
(LOL: or I've totally misread this thread, and the Meek Shall Inherit the Earth after all. I'm discussing elaborate diplomacy, to keep from killing each other off at every traffic light or line at the store. The protocols that should, in my opinion, be obeyed to keep a civilized society running.)
As I've said on another thread, I'm a Type-A, assertive, rule-breaker who craves efficiency also. I think I was an ENTJ - not sure. But I'm not sure the OP sees that, whatever minor efficiencies one may gain by "fixing" the minor inefficiencies of others, if they do so in an abrasive, unempathetic way, there is a likelihood they will lose overall efficiency as others will have no inclination to help them achieve their goals (whether at the office or simply in the store - efficiency is facilitated by the community). Many will, in fact, want to sabotage their goals as a way of getting back at slights. I have a hard time believing OP's attitude is contained to just off-work hours, which could mean she's sabotaging her career.
The best diplomats create a network of people they may go to (delegate to) to "get things done" and that network is often cultivated by being nice to people, returning favors, patiently listening to others even if it seems they can not immediately improve your efficiency. It is an overall outlook that goes from the boardroom to the store aisles, to just about every relationship you have.
There are many examples of great diplomats (e.g. the "Great Communicator" Ronald Reagan comes to mind) who built their status with their ability for patience with others, even the "common man." Reagan handwrote many personal notes to state leaders, everyday workers like janitors, daily love letters to his wife (just using him as an example - not saying I loved his politics).
It is a poor diplomat who risks their image and network (even an unknown one) over raging impatiently over "inconveniences," as success is often built on image and favors and the world can be pretty small.
BTW, I know the cashiers by name, and restaurant hosts, retail associates, etc... so am able to ultimately utilize this network for more efficiencies. For example, last week my daughter needed a specific folder and I called up the store and said, "Hey Tina, do you mind checking if you have xyz 1/2 folder in black and putting it at the front desk?" I pretty much do this at every retail store I frequent - have them "pull" things I need and leave them at the front desk so I can quickly run in and pick them up, and don't have to wait in line.
I have the cell numbers of all my service providers - garbage men, letter carriers, etc. so can call/text them to improve efficiencies (e.g. I'll ask them to leave stamps, or grab the box next to the house...). I try to create my own personal concierge service whenever I can, I tip well but mainly I am just nice to people - that is often all it takes. Utilizing your network is how one becomes more efficient - it applies to work and to life. You build a network by being nice to people.
Cultivating good relationships (not alienating) with people is paramount for building supportive networks that make you more efficient and ultimately more successful. And this often takes patience and understanding.
I've taken money out of my wallet and handed it to them. "you're making us all wait for 60 cents? Here's 2 dollars, now move along now and let this lady do her job and let the rest of us get through the line. Have a nice day." That way they feel shamed a little about their 60 cents that was so important.
Were someone to do that to me I'd tell them what they could do with the two dollars. Which, if they actually followed through with my instructions, would result in that person no longer being able to have, much less time, bodily functions.
Until they'd retrieved their two dollars.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 10-07-2014 at 09:29 PM..
Were someone to do that to me I'd tell them what they could do with the two dollars. Which, if they actually followed through with my instructions, would result in that person no longer being able to have, much less time, bodily functions.
Until they'd retrieved their two dollars.
LMAO. Me too Dew, me too.
OP, you think you're being mannerly, but well-mannered people aren't as judgmental as you are. Worry about yourself, and yourself only. I have a mental picture of you holding yourself up as a paragon of virtue, setting an example with the expectation you will be applauded for it, and copied.
Most people I come across on a daily basis are considerate, as I also consider myself to be. If somebody needs a bit of time at the register, so what? If somebody sneezes? I say "bless you". If somebody uses a handful of coupons, I think "darn, I left mine home again". And I really, really, get annoyed at people who apologize for things that aren't their fault.
For anyone who is familiar with my venting, I will admit that I do get annoyed by other people all the time. All the time. But at the same time, I'm acutely aware of myself, and making sure I'm not doing something that will annoy others or get in their way. When I mentioned this to someone over the weekend, they acted like my attitude was odd, implying that no one else takes so much care to not bother other people. I wondered if there are others like me.
I just know the things that annoy me when other people do them, so I focus a great deal on not committing those acts myself. Part of it is my empathy for other people, and part of it is my personal need to not be a hypocrite. It might also be partly "do unto others" and a little bit of respecting karma too.
Examples of things I do so that I DON'T annoy people:
--When I'm in line at a cash register, I make sure my cash or debit card are all ready to pay, in my hand, and I very quickly bag my groceries. I do not use coupons, mostly because I hate when a person in front of me uses coupons and hold me up. Once in a great while if I do have a really good coupon to use, maybe in Petsmart or something, I apologize a lot to the people behind me, and say that it's just one coupon and I would never use multiple coupons, and I'm so, so, so, so, sorry.
--When I use the self-check-out, I make sure I go really fast, especially if there are people in line. I make sure there is not a split second that I am standing there looking like I'm confused or not doing anything, because when I'm waiting in line and see people like that, I get really annoyed. If the machine screws up and makes me call over the attendant, I apologize profusely ("Oh my God, I'm so so so so sorry...") to the people behind me and tell them it's the machine and not me. I know that if someone else were similarly holding me up, hearing them acknowledge it and apologize goes a long way.
--If I have a lot of items and someone gets behind me with just a few, I let them go ahead. Again, not because I'm some super-generous person, but because if I had one or two items and the person in front of me had a lot, that's what I'd hope they would do for me.
--If I am driving and have to turn right into a store or parking lot, I make sure I get the hell over as fast as possible and turn as quickly as possible, because I hate being behind a slow-right-turner.
--If I am pulling out of some place and have to go left on a two-way road, and there are other cars behind me and I can't immediately turn left, I will switch my signals and turn right instead and then later do a U-turn to go the way I wanted to go. I would HATE to be waiting for a break in traffic to turn left, knowing that people behind me are getting impatient and saying "you could have gone a hundred times" under their breath to me. Because when people are holding me up like that, I completely hate them, and I don't want to cause anyone else to feel like that about me.
--If I'm in a waiting room like a car repair place or doctor's office, and I'm stuck sitting next to other people, I don't put my arms on the arm rests of the chair, because I totally hate when other people do that and make me feel crowded. Same thing with riding on a plane and sitting next to someone I don't know. I don't care if it's a 4 hour flight, I am NOT putting my arm on that arm rest, even if the other person is inconsiderate enough to do it to me. I just think we all need to stay in our own "bubble" and not inflict ourselves on other people.
--If I need to get on an elevator, I wait for the door to open and stand back several feet so people can get off. I hate when I'm trying to get off an elevator and the people trying to board rush up to the door and get in my way when I need to get off. The unwritten rule is that the people getting off have the right of way, but so many people don't pay attention to this. but then when I'm standing back so people can have enough room to get off, people who want to get on the elevator butt in front of me and crowd the people disembarking anyway. When they see me getting on with them, they might say, Oh I didn't know you were waiting to get on, you were back so far. Then I say, yes, I was giving space for those people to get off (hint hint hint you were rude and did not).
--Similarly, if I am waiting to use an ATM, I stand back a few feet so the person using the machine doesn't think I'm looking at their account info or their PIN. To me, it's just courtesy. But often when I'm using the machine, the person behind me is breathing down my neck and practically spooning me! But a lot of times, when I do leave space, someone else tries to get in front of me! I then have to explain that I'm in line (can't you freaking tell?) and I'm giving that person a courteous amount of space. People are sometimes like "Oh I didn't know you were in line!" But I'm only like 4-5 feet back, ugh.
Does anyone else think like this? To me, it just seems like way too many people are either unconscious of when they are being annoying to others, or they do it knowingly, feeling like they deserve it. I just try, on a daily basis, to not be "that person" that annoys someone else the way people annoy me all the time. But then I get frustrated when it seems like no one else thinks this way, or tries to be even half as considerate. I encounter like 10-12 people a day who get in my way, hold me up, and annoy me by being discourteous, but I really, really, try to do that to ZERO people every day.
I'm sure I annoy people in other ways. I mean, a big part of my job is making sure other people do their jobs correctly and follow all the rules, so I can see how just my role at work can be perceived as annoying to others. So I certainly would not add to that by engaging in behavior that would add to the annoyance. In my personal relationships, I never ask for favors (we've had threads on this before) and I always make sure my problems and responsibilities don't impinge on other people. I think if it like an "annoyance footprint" and I strive on a daily basis to have the smallest annoyance footprint possible.
Anyone else? Don't you think we would all get along a lot better if more people thought like this?
I m alot like you.
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