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Old 10-07-2014, 07:28 AM
Location: Lafayette, LA
3,362 posts, read 2,686,744 times
Reputation: 7551


I do a lot of these things, most are common courtesy.

But, OP, your first sentence indicates that you're annoyed at lots of things a lot of the time. Seems you're holding in your anger and annoyance by acting the way you think others should act.

In my opinion, you're just making your frustration level higher by all this worry over whether you're bothering anyone in your immediate vicinity.

Courtesy is one thing, but it can be taken to the extreme, and if you obssess over it that can't be good. Maybe this is why you're annoyed so often?
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Old 10-07-2014, 09:03 AM
Location: Chicago
3,275 posts, read 4,751,869 times
Reputation: 4036
Originally Posted by kletter1mann View Post
Actually, I also try to do much the same stuff you do in the store, driving etc. The profuse apologies are maybe a little over the top, I just try not to hold other people up by being an oblivious idiot. I HATE the women at the store that don't bother to even open their purse until the cashier announces the total. I try not to be that person. (usually women, sorry, reality just seems to be this way).

The key here is that so many people are apparently willful obliviousness to what's going on around them. It's terrible.
I agree, I think the OP's apologies are too much, honestly. The profuse apologizing would annoy me and I do many of the things the OP does.

I am annoyed by the number of people I encounter daily that are, apparently, oblivious to what is happening around them. I try not to be that person. But, I only go so far; if I have to use the bathroom at work, I use it. If I need to make a left turn, I make a left turn. What I don't do is space out and wait for an absolutely enormous opening. There's a balance...
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Old 10-07-2014, 09:06 AM
9,228 posts, read 18,878,097 times
Reputation: 22142
Originally Posted by capoeira View Post
I can't imagine why you would even care if someone uses coupons or not. Normally I do not use coupons because I really don't care but you have inspired me to use at least 4 coupons per shopping trip.

I just ordered this book:

Extreme Couponing: Learn How to Be a Savvy Shopper and Save Money

Try driving an old Buick, Cadillac Deville or Grand Marquis with a soft suspension and see how that speed turning works out for you. Speed right turners are also a danger because they might run into a pedestrian or something in the parking lot they are turning into.

Take the steps. Its faster and good exercise!

I think there is at least a 50% chance your post is pure parody. In case it isn't, in the real world most normal people are not even minutely annoyed by the everyday occurrences of life that you find annoying.
I think we've had other threads about those extreme coupon people, and I've had the misfortune to be stuck behind them before. I've even walked out of the store leaving a whole cart of groceries once, when the cashiers stopped their work to watch a person get their extreme amount of coupons rung up. they just STOPPED their work to watch. So I complained, calmly, and wished them good luck returning all my stuff to the shelves. Yes, 2-3 coupons is acceptable, but when they have more, and they take a whole lot of time to scrutinize every charge when people are behind them, it's rude. If someone is into coupons, no problem, just make sure you aren't holding up people behind you.

I've had a previous thread here about elevator vs. the stairs, and I almost always take the stairs, so please don't think I'm lazy! I was actually slammed because I said on a post that people who take the elevator in my 3 story office building are lazy. I'm talking about when you really don't have a choice but to take an elevator, like in a really tall building or going to visit someone in a hospital (they force you to use the elevator).

I'm not saying I want people to speed and run over pedestrians. But they should just realize that when you're turning right, you almost always have right of way, so there's no need to stop in the middle of the road when you're just going to pull into a store. Get over onto the shoulder before the entrance, and then quickly get into the parking lot. Yes, you are right, it does seem to be those big huge grandma cars that often tale a loooooonnnnggg time to turn right. Like they're trying to turn a freaking cruise ship. But I would still find a way to get the heck over and out of other people's way.
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Old 10-07-2014, 09:07 AM
Location: Texas
43,464 posts, read 52,470,772 times
Reputation: 70547
Does anyone else focus a lot on NOT being annoying to other people?

Yes. Absolutely.
In fact, I make sure I don't do anything that would annoy the crap out of me bc I don't want to be a hypocrite and bc I know how it feels when that behavior is perpetuated in my presence.

It's call consideration and empathy. Not many people have it.

I don't apologize. I just don't do it.

Op might be a little extreme with the pooping and sneezing and lunches.
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Old 10-07-2014, 09:10 AM
9,228 posts, read 18,878,097 times
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Originally Posted by ohhwanderlust View Post
I relate. I feel like I take up too much space, even though I'm thin. If I'm on the bus, I'm sitting on the edge of my seat with my body scrunched up while the beefy guy next to me sprawls out without a care in the world. And then I still feel like I take up too much space. Like the guy sprawling out wouldn't bother me if I didn't consume so much space. >_>
I feel this way too! The whole "taking up space" thing bothers me. When I see people take up too much space, I think they are self-important, entitled, and arrogant. like who do you think you are taking up all that space? When I walk down a hall and pass someone, I take silent pride in taking up much less space than the other person, and I get annoyed at them if they take up the majority of the space. I also think of "taking up space" when people spread their things out all over a shared table, like at a professional conference. I keep my stuff within the invisible boundary of "my" table space, which is the 18 inches or so right in front of my body. Other people spread their books, papers, phones, coffee cups, coats, purses, all over the place, even in other people's table space.
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Old 10-07-2014, 09:12 AM
9,228 posts, read 18,878,097 times
Reputation: 22142
Originally Posted by lui_wallace View Post
You know after reading this post, I see that I am more organised when standing in line at a Cash register. Yes, I agree..the last thing I want to be is annoying to the next person who is waiting in line after me.

But to be honest..it's good that you feel this way and that you are doing your best not to be annoying to anyone else but at the end of the day, does anyone else really cares?

You are your own person...
Like I said, it's really about how I feel about whether I have annoyed or held up other people, more so than what they might think of me, if anything.
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Old 10-07-2014, 09:14 AM
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,525,641 times
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Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
But they should just realize that when you're turning right, you almost always have right of way, so there's no need to stop in the middle of the road when you're just going to pull into a store.
In crosswalks, pedestrians have the right of way.
So cars HAVE to stop until those walking safely pass.
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Old 10-07-2014, 09:19 AM
9,228 posts, read 18,878,097 times
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Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
In crosswalks, pedestrians have the right of way.
So cars HAVE to stop until those walking safely pass.
That's why I said "almost always."

If someone is taking long to turn right because they are yielding to pedestrians, I don't get annoyed. It's when there is no one else around--no pedestrians, no other cars, no squirrels, and they just sloooooooowwwwly turn right into Home Depot or Wendy's.
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Old 10-07-2014, 09:26 AM
9,228 posts, read 18,878,097 times
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To the people who think I "obsess" about this constantly. I do not. It is really just habit an second nature. The only time I really think a lot about it is when people do to me what I take care to not do to others.

I realize that the way I portrayed the apologizing might sound over the top. But in reality, it's just a little joke, like "I'm so sorry, you must totally hate me for taking long" or "I'm sure you're thinking of clawing my eyes out because I couldn't ring up these damn scallions, I'm so sorry" or a small "ohmygodI'msosososorry" to really just acknowledge that I know I'm being annoying and holding them up. To me, the acknowledgement counts for a lot. It's when people hold me up and DON'T acknowledge it, that they communicate that they are self-important and I'm a nothing. By acknowledging them, I'm letting people know that I do not believe they are "nothing."

The whole pooping at work thing is handled in a very long (and locked) thread, and I've said all I could about it there. But to summarize, I never advocated for harming one's health by forcibly holding it in. I just said that most healthy people should be able to time it for when they are home, out of consideration for others.
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Old 10-07-2014, 09:28 AM
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,589 posts, read 9,639,933 times
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Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
For anyone who is familiar with my venting, I will admit that I do get annoyed by other people all the time. All the time. But at the same time, I'm acutely aware of myself, and making sure I'm not doing something that will annoy others or get in their way. When I mentioned this to someone over the weekend, they acted like my attitude was odd, implying that no one else takes so much care to not bother other people. I wondered if there are others like me.

I just know the things that annoy me when other people do them, so I focus a great deal on not committing those acts myself. Part of it is my empathy for other people, and part of it is my personal need to not be a hypocrite. It might also be partly "do unto others" and a little bit of respecting karma too.

Examples of things I do so that I DON'T annoy people:

--When I'm in line at a cash register, I make sure my cash or debit card are all ready to pay, in my hand, and I very quickly bag my groceries. I do not use coupons, mostly because I hate when a person in front of me uses coupons and hold me up. Once in a great while if I do have a really good coupon to use, maybe in Petsmart or something, I apologize a lot to the people behind me, and say that it's just one coupon and I would never use multiple coupons, and I'm so, so, so, so, sorry.

--When I use the self-check-out, I make sure I go really fast, especially if there are people in line. I make sure there is not a split second that I am standing there looking like I'm confused or not doing anything, because when I'm waiting in line and see people like that, I get really annoyed. If the machine screws up and makes me call over the attendant, I apologize profusely ("Oh my God, I'm so so so so sorry...") to the people behind me and tell them it's the machine and not me. I know that if someone else were similarly holding me up, hearing them acknowledge it and apologize goes a long way.

--If I have a lot of items and someone gets behind me with just a few, I let them go ahead. Again, not because I'm some super-generous person, but because if I had one or two items and the person in front of me had a lot, that's what I'd hope they would do for me.

--If I am driving and have to turn right into a store or parking lot, I make sure I get the hell over as fast as possible and turn as quickly as possible, because I hate being behind a slow-right-turner.

--If I am pulling out of some place and have to go left on a two-way road, and there are other cars behind me and I can't immediately turn left, I will switch my signals and turn right instead and then later do a U-turn to go the way I wanted to go. I would HATE to be waiting for a break in traffic to turn left, knowing that people behind me are getting impatient and saying "you could have gone a hundred times" under their breath to me. Because when people are holding me up like that, I completely hate them, and I don't want to cause anyone else to feel like that about me.

--If I'm in a waiting room like a car repair place or doctor's office, and I'm stuck sitting next to other people, I don't put my arms on the arm rests of the chair, because I totally hate when other people do that and make me feel crowded. Same thing with riding on a plane and sitting next to someone I don't know. I don't care if it's a 4 hour flight, I am NOT putting my arm on that arm rest, even if the other person is inconsiderate enough to do it to me. I just think we all need to stay in our own "bubble" and not inflict ourselves on other people.

--If I need to get on an elevator, I wait for the door to open and stand back several feet so people can get off. I hate when I'm trying to get off an elevator and the people trying to board rush up to the door and get in my way when I need to get off. The unwritten rule is that the people getting off have the right of way, but so many people don't pay attention to this. but then when I'm standing back so people can have enough room to get off, people who want to get on the elevator butt in front of me and crowd the people disembarking anyway. When they see me getting on with them, they might say, Oh I didn't know you were waiting to get on, you were back so far. Then I say, yes, I was giving space for those people to get off (hint hint hint you were rude and did not).

--Similarly, if I am waiting to use an ATM, I stand back a few feet so the person using the machine doesn't think I'm looking at their account info or their PIN. To me, it's just courtesy. But often when I'm using the machine, the person behind me is breathing down my neck and practically spooning me! But a lot of times, when I do leave space, someone else tries to get in front of me! I then have to explain that I'm in line (can't you freaking tell?) and I'm giving that person a courteous amount of space. People are sometimes like "Oh I didn't know you were in line!" But I'm only like 4-5 feet back, ugh.

Does anyone else think like this? To me, it just seems like way too many people are either unconscious of when they are being annoying to others, or they do it knowingly, feeling like they deserve it. I just try, on a daily basis, to not be "that person" that annoys someone else the way people annoy me all the time. But then I get frustrated when it seems like no one else thinks this way, or tries to be even half as considerate. I encounter like 10-12 people a day who get in my way, hold me up, and annoy me by being discourteous, but I really, really, try to do that to ZERO people every day.

I'm sure I annoy people in other ways. I mean, a big part of my job is making sure other people do their jobs correctly and follow all the rules, so I can see how just my role at work can be perceived as annoying to others. So I certainly would not add to that by engaging in behavior that would add to the annoyance. In my personal relationships, I never ask for favors (we've had threads on this before) and I always make sure my problems and responsibilities don't impinge on other people. I think if it like an "annoyance footprint" and I strive on a daily basis to have the smallest annoyance footprint possible.

Anyone else? Don't you think we would all get along a lot better if more people thought like this?
I had to smile as I read most of your post because, to me, it simply illustrates the lack of patience I see in people every day. If it takes two seconds longer to do something people get annoyed.

As for coupons...I don't know why people get annoyed about that. It's faster to scan a coupon than it is to scan and bag the item the coupon is for! At self checkout if people would go a tad slower and read the directions on the scanner it would go faster with fewer interruptions. People go up to them and just start pushing buttons and when it doesn't IMMEDIATELY do what they want they get mad.

Every day I see people with a lot of items let those with just a few go ahead. It happens all day. I'm impressed! People are more polite sometimes than they are patient!

I love it when my customers are ready to pay when the total comes up but it's really pretty rare. One of the reasons I try to put the bagged items into their basket for them is so they can pay while I do it and save time for both of us.

I think you worry too much about annoying other people. There's no way you can avoid it all the time and they get over it.

Pin numbers...people ARE paranoid about it and you can't blame them. However, 99.9% of them couldn't care less what someone's pin number is. I certainly don't care and if I don't have their card ON ME what good is it to me anyway? I worry more about the credit cards that don't require one and you don't even have to sign if it's under $50. Or the debit cards you can change to credit without a pin number OR a signature. I remember when credit cards did require a pin number and probably still should.
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