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Old 10-08-2014, 09:20 PM
 
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Trolling.
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Old 10-09-2014, 04:54 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,322 posts, read 4,735,159 times
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I feel for you OP. From the information given, it sounds like your mother probably has "Borderline Personality Disorder." In short, it is a delusional way of thinking that hurts a lot of those around them. My mother has this. She has betrayed me in similar ways but will never see it. I make a conscious effort to have no contact with her.

Write your letter and then decide whether to send it. Sounds like you have some family who already understand. No need to "defend yourself" to those who are under her spell.
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Old 10-09-2014, 09:40 AM
 
4,773 posts, read 6,567,260 times
Reputation: 6763
I wouldn't do the letter thing....the "Cruella-ites" will jump on it, tear you apart with it (they will find out about it and read it somehow), and then you're right back where you started, only worse.

Talking to a couple, maybe three, of your most favorite and level-headed relatives, letting them know the truth of the situation, and then laying it all down and cutting yourself completely off from the Cruella-ites seems to be the best idea. And seriously, unless you just really, really love where you are or have the most fabulous jobs in the world there, I would start looking into somewhere else to live....at least 5 hours away! LOL
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Old 10-09-2014, 09:28 PM
 
Location: Northeast
1,887 posts, read 1,785,684 times
Reputation: 3737
Quote:
Originally Posted by breedingkellys View Post
Brienzi,
From what I know, assisted living incorporates "nursing homes" into their care. Generally, they offer four levels of care, essentially from just a one room home whereby patients can come and go as they please to memory care that's on lock down.
My sister and I looked at several after my mom broke her C-1 and C-2...and lived!!!
She has often stated that she's too mean to die and will live to be 90 to be a torn in our sides. I have never met such a negative person in my life. Thank God I take after my Dad. He was a Saint for putting up with her stuff for 45 years. He's passed on.
I can't apologize for someone else's post, but I can thank you for your insight. This conversation had made me realize that I'm not alone and I'm on the right path by cutting off all communication with her.
~L
I wish u the best in this difficult situation..My regards to you and Your family! B
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Old 10-09-2014, 09:52 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,131,512 times
Reputation: 48552
Quote:
Originally Posted by breedingkellys View Post
My Dad passed away in 2009. Since that time, my family and me have bent over backwards to help my mom. It was a promise my hubby gave to my Dad. My mom has abused that to the nth degree. Despite that, I did what I could for her.

My mom has put me in a no win situation. She redid her will and cut my family and me out. She's given everything to my sister and her kids. Honestly, I don't care about material possessions. What bothers me to the core is she left my child out. And, if I protest it, I loose the what little she's giving me.

As a result, I cut off all communication in July, despite the fact she's 15 minutes down the road.

Since that time, my family and me have received nasty letters, phone calls, threats, and unusual Facebook inquiries by relatives and her friends. I have since blocked some people.

I even got a phone call from the hospital stating she was too out of it to drive home after a monthly treatment (which means she dosed prior to her treatment, as well as, what they gave her). I simply told them I was out of town (which I was).

And, if I don't respond to her latest threat we loose our half of the sale of the house, a couple of hundred thousand dollars. And, she's decided how we should spend it. I'm darned if I do, and damn ed if I don't. Knowing her, we're already written out of the will.

Sadly, my sister is just like her and she wouldn't think twice about taking our share, as evidenced by her cleaning my mom's house out over two weekend, without me being present. She's has only been in my mom's house 4 times since my Dad died. She uses her children, who are now in college, as an excuse.

And if that wasn't enough, my mom stooped to a new low. She has convinced a good friend to put her 92 year old husband in a nursing home and is having her move in her house. Her greatest fear is that she will end up in a nursing home/assisted living facility. It's okay for someone else, but not her. Unreal!

Technically, she has a very slow growing lung cancer. She has had it for at least 7 years. Every day, she's dying from something. She's the world's biggest hypochondriac. She's always sick.

She has even planned her funeral to a T! She's written her obituary and designed it so that the funeral home picks us up from her house. I've never known someone so obsessive about dying. (She won't seek out professional help.) As a baby, she was diagnosed with a "hysterical personality." The term has been updated, but the behavior is the same.

I just don't understand her obsessive, compulsion to attempt to try to control and manipulate me. She's done it my whole life. At age 45, I'm over it. Plain and simple, she has burnt me out.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Being cut out of a will is not so much about the money, it's about what it represents. It represents your mother, essentially disowning you, in favor of your sister. That has to hurt.
She just as easily could have split it between the two of you, so as not to create conflict.

I doubt that she is leaving you anything. My guess, is that your sister is the executor. You will be left out.

Sick and old people do not automatically become nice with age. Some become nastier and use their conditions is a manipulative fashion.

If I were you, I'd remove yourself from the situation entirely. Stop helping in any way. See a counselor about what is going on. It will be good to vest.

Keep all of the letters that have been sent to you. Keep a log of all of the phone calls that you receive. Block their numbers. Block them on Facebook.

Don't be a victim. I am truly sorry that this is happening to you. You mother knows what she is doing.
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Old 10-11-2014, 09:29 AM
 
4,881 posts, read 4,829,006 times
Reputation: 7328
Quote:
Originally Posted by breedingkellys View Post
My mom would commit suicide before moving into any facility. She has such a strong hate for them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
Just walk away and don't look back. You sending a letter will only fuel the fire. If people truly know your mother, they will understand. those that don't only want her money anyway.
Seriously, take the high road and walk away from the whole lot of them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Luvvarkansas View Post
I wouldn't do the letter thing....the "Cruella-ites" will jump on it, tear you apart with it (they will find out about it and read it somehow), and then you're right back where you started, only worse.

Talking to a couple, maybe three, of your most favorite and level-headed relatives, letting them know the truth of the situation, and then laying it all down and cutting yourself completely off from the Cruella-ites seems to be the best idea. And seriously, unless you just really, really love where you are or have the most fabulous jobs in the world there, I would start looking into somewhere else to live....at least 5 hours away! LOL
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Being cut out of a will is not so much about the money, it's about what it represents. It represents your mother, essentially disowning you, in favor of your sister. That has to hurt.
She just as easily could have split it between the two of you, so as not to create conflict.

I doubt that she is leaving you anything. My guess, is that your sister is the executor. You will be left out.

Sick and old people do not automatically become nice with age. Some become nastier and use their conditions is a manipulative fashion.

Keep all of the letters that have been sent to you. Keep a log of all of the phone calls that you receive. Block their numbers. Block them on Facebook.

Don't be a victim. I am truly sorry that this is happening to you. You mother knows what she is doing.
For the OP, the above posters have given you great advice and support. I would not recommend sending
any letters (that can come back to haunt you and be used against you in a number of ways).
And Sheena is correct, document, document and keep any letters and documents. Sheena made
an excellent point about the will. It isn't so much about the money, it is an emotional stab in the back
to the daughter (OP).
And who knows what will happen to the mother in the future. My mom said she would never go
to an assisted living facility or a nursing home but because of her decisions (similar to the OP plus
another child's interference) she ended up in one.
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Old 10-11-2014, 09:59 AM
 
819 posts, read 1,359,324 times
Reputation: 1405
You could write a letter with everything you want to put out there, then reread and set it on fire! You've put it down in writing and then let it go! I think there's a song out there let it goooooo! Best wishes for your family. Please make yourself happy and try not to dwell on his mess.
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Old 10-11-2014, 04:03 PM
 
37,892 posts, read 14,756,648 times
Reputation: 24207
Quote:
Originally Posted by breedingkellys View Post
Brienzi,
From what I know, assisted living incorporates "nursing homes" into their care. Generally, they offer four levels of care, essentially from just a one room home whereby patients can come and go as they please to memory care that's on lock down.
~L
To qualify for nursing home care, generally one must be in need of cares that can only be provided/supervised by a nurse. I.V.s, wound care, certain kinds of injections and so forth.

Retirement communities may have a nursing home care wing along with various levels of assisted living. Memory care units are sometimes part of the overall plan as well. Not always. Often memory care units are separate assisted living facilities. The need for keeping the doors locked doesn't always work within a retirement community.

Medicaid will cover the cost of assisted living, long-term care if a person is practically penniless. However, the reimbursement is so low, often under $2K/month that few facilities will accept new residents on Medicaid. More typically, they reserve their "Medicaid beds" for residents who have exhausted their resources. Some facilities do not accept Medicaid at all.
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