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I lost a friend months ago because she demanded I remove two people out of my phone that she didn't like or she wouldn't be friends with me even though she would not have contact with them again, but I've missed talking to her (but not the crazy stuff) and have wanted to contact her again. She was my friend for 5 years but had some problems with jobs and was getting desperate and would make demands that were not reasonable and not follow up on things she promised and lied about things too. She's awesome when she's great but she's terrible when she's bad.
The main problem is she would not or could not get or keep a job, and I kept helping her out thinking it would help her or she would pay me back (and sometimes that happened), but was just too lazy or screwed up or something to do what she needs to do consistently. She took in a nightmare tenant that she never would have if she had a job, and she said if I don't remove her and her new landlord from my phone she could not be friends with me. Well, I was helping the landlord with a computer (only needed to drop it off) and the tenant could hook me up with some anxiety/insomnia relievers if you know what I mean, nothing dangerous, but the contacts would be kept to a minimum until I didn't need them anymore, but my friend believed if anybody she knew had the tenant's number in their phone that she would somehow be tortured by this individual again and I was offended that I was even told that. I said I won't be friends with them but she insisted I remove them and I was so put off by the lack of trust I stormed out and didn't call her again. I kept the contacts in my phone but only called once a few months later but they had changed phones (they complained about their carriers so I'm pretty sure they weren't trying to avoid me, I don't know why they would, they kept inviting me over but I declined but my friend just wouldn't accept that).
Anyways, I sent my friend her birthday present because I had already bought it, and she wrote me an email saying thank you, that she's made some changes in her life, and that she would bring over some tea, well I avoided my place that night and wrote her back "I will be happy to have you over when you can say you have a job, can pay your bills, and can start paying me back." Was that too much? I haven't heard from her in 9 months.
She's done similar things to other friends (I heard it from her than learned it wasn't quite what she said) but I wonder if it is just out of desperation because I didn't realize how bad her situation was. I love helping her and hanging out with her but I'm not sure if we can do the light stuff without the heavy stuff coming back. I really can't deal with desperate jobless people but have you experienced something like this and is it worth contacting them even if it's for small things? For instance, I want to ask what the health drink was she had me try (I know it sounds silly but it actually tasted good and she got it from one of her family member's business) and there's sometimes things I just want to ask her or tell her about, and I may be able to give her work occasionally or part time or full time eventually.
If you're a masochist call her, beg her to be friends again so she can continue with your abuse fetish if that's what you need. I had a boyfriend like that once upon a time. I thought it was to weird so I dumped him. If you want to be treated with respect and don't have the energy for all that baggage count your blessings that the friendship is over.
Do you need a friend who wants to run your life and tell you who to be friends with???
Get better friends.
^^this^^, and what the others said. you dont need her as a friend. if you run into her while out and about, obviously be polite to her, find out how things are going with her, etc. and gauge how she is right then compared to what she was earlier. but dont go out of your way to get her back into your circle right now, she has to earn her way back in.
I lost a friend months ago because she demanded I remove two people out of my phone that she didn't like or she wouldn't be friends with me even though she would not have contact with them again, but I've missed talking to her (but not the crazy stuff) and have wanted to contact her again. She was my friend for 5 years but had some problems with jobs and was getting desperate and would make demands that were not reasonable and not follow up on things she promised and lied about things too. She's awesome when she's great but ....
(snip manure)
First sentence of the above was actually plenty enough information. I've dealt with "friends" like that before. Took me until college to wise up, at which time I dumped one (user) then a year later another (snake).
In the years since...many years...I've taken Rush's advice (the band):
"All that you can do is wish them well
Don't even pause to ask them why
Turn around and say goodbye!"
Drama queen, that "friend." Proper response is Eff Ohh, or even better: just walk away. Stop answering calls and emails. They'll go away eventually.
Had one drama queen keep me on thread for several years after. Haven't heard a peep past few years. They tire eventually, I lost interest a long time ago. You've got better things to do.
I lost a friend months ago because she demanded I remove two people out of my phone that she didn't like or she wouldn't be friends with me even though she would not have contact with them again, but I've missed talking to her (but not the crazy stuff) and have wanted to contact her again. She was my friend for 5 years but had some problems with jobs and was getting desperate and would make demands that were not reasonable and not follow up on things she promised and lied about things too. She's awesome when she's great but she's terrible when she's bad.
The main problem is she would not or could not get or keep a job, and I kept helping her out thinking it would help her or she would pay me back (and sometimes that happened), but was just too lazy or screwed up or something to do what she needs to do consistently. She took in a nightmare tenant that she never would have if she had a job, and she said if I don't remove her and her new landlord from my phone she could not be friends with me. Well, I was helping the landlord with a computer (only needed to drop it off) and the tenant could hook me up with some anxiety/insomnia relievers if you know what I mean, nothing dangerous, but the contacts would be kept to a minimum until I didn't need them anymore, but my friend believed if anybody she knew had the tenant's number in their phone that she would somehow be tortured by this individual again and I was offended that I was even told that. I said I won't be friends with them but she insisted I remove them and I was so put off by the lack of trust I stormed out and didn't call her again. I kept the contacts in my phone but only called once a few months later but they had changed phones (they complained about their carriers so I'm pretty sure they weren't trying to avoid me, I don't know why they would, they kept inviting me over but I declined but my friend just wouldn't accept that).
Anyways, I sent my friend her birthday present because I had already bought it, and she wrote me an email saying thank you, that she's made some changes in her life, and that she would bring over some tea, well I avoided my place that night and wrote her back "I will be happy to have you over when you can say you have a job, can pay your bills, and can start paying me back." Was that too much? I haven't heard from her in 9 months.
She's done similar things to other friends (I heard it from her than learned it wasn't quite what she said) but I wonder if it is just out of desperation because I didn't realize how bad her situation was. I love helping her and hanging out with her but I'm not sure if we can do the light stuff without the heavy stuff coming back. I really can't deal with desperate jobless people but have you experienced something like this and is it worth contacting them even if it's for small things? For instance, I want to ask what the health drink was she had me try (I know it sounds silly but it actually tasted good and she got it from one of her family member's business) and there's sometimes things I just want to ask her or tell her about, and I may be able to give her work occasionally or part time or full time eventually.
Did she stomp her feet, cross her arms and pout her lips when she threw that hissy fit because that's what it sounds like she did.
Friendship is supposed to be drama free. Sounds like both of you like drama. You seem to flip back and forth just like your friend. I don't think the comment you made to her was necessary. If you wanted to see her because you miss your friend, then you could have said yes. If you're still upset about her not paying you back then why make contact and then throw in her face that she can't hold a job? Instead of sending her that snarky comment, why didn't you respond to her that you might be able to help her?
Sounds like you want to rescue her. She triggered your empathy but i would be careful.
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