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Old 10-10-2014, 12:14 AM
 
405 posts, read 415,301 times
Reputation: 464

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If somebody wants to have children and never does, then I think they will feel they've missed out on something. If somebody doesn't want children, then they won't feel that they missed out on anything by not having them.

I have a friend that desperately wants kids and whenever he's over and my kids come home, it almost feels like I'm slapping him in the face by being a father to them. That doesn't stop me from doing it, but I know when he leaves here, he feels even worse about not having kids of his own. He's actually told me that he feels worse when leaving here a lot of times. So I know he feels that he's missing out on something by not having kids. It doesn't help that another one of our friends just recently had their first child.

My brother has always said he has no desire to have kids so he wouldn't feel that he's missing out on anything at all. You can see that he truly has no desire to be a father when he's around my kids (his niece and nephew). He's not mean to them, but he's very much uninterested in what's going on with them. I do know that he's protect them if somebody was to do something to them, but he wouldn't make any plans to attend anything for them. Basically, if he happened to show up at the time, he'd watch them, but if he could think of ANYTHING better to do, he'd do that instead.
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Old 10-10-2014, 12:43 AM
 
Location: Near Nashville TN
7,201 posts, read 11,811,607 times
Reputation: 5378
Default Nursing Home dumping grounds....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Europeanflava View Post
Another good thing about kids is they sorta take care of
you when your old. If one has no kids and their spouse/
family die off before them. Who takes care of him/her when
they become old/ can no longer work.
You are so sadly mistaken about that. I'm old enough to have seen what grown children do to their prents these days. As soon as the parent becomes old and ill enough to need help, the children dump them in a Nursing Home and seldom visit. They're too busy with their own lives to visit. I have SEEN this over and over again. Adult children may not even be living in the same state or country where the elderly parents live. Between my husband and I we have 3 adult children and 2 young-adult grandchildren. One one adult child and one adult grandchild is still in the same state. And on of those is moving next year. Two are living and working abroad - so who will we have if we need help?


Quote:
And don't make me
laugh by saying a social service/ retirement home. We all
know those suck and that most old people hate them.
And THAT is just where about 85% of American elderly end up. Adult children do not care how the parent feels about retirement/nursing homes. They cannot be bothered to take care of their elderly nor do they want the elderly living in their homes disrupting their family. The rest are taken in by a adult child and the others die at home before nursing care is needed.
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Old 10-10-2014, 12:54 AM
 
Location: Near Nashville TN
7,201 posts, read 11,811,607 times
Reputation: 5378
Quote:
Originally Posted by mdlee3_46041 View Post

......My brother has always said he has no desire to have kids so he wouldn't feel that he's missing out on anything at all. You can see that he truly has no desire to be a father when he's around my kids (his niece and nephew). He's not mean to them, but he's very much uninterested in what's going on with them. I do know that he's protect them if somebody was to do something to them, but he wouldn't make any plans to attend anything for them. Basically, if he happened to show up at the time, he'd watch them, but if he could think of ANYTHING better to do, he'd do that instead.
This is how my brother and his wife feel about kids. They've had a very prosperous and rewarding life without children. I believe had they had any, they would have been miserable. They traveled and took vacations most of us could only dream of. They had a beautiful home and now own a condo in FL right on the beach.

Several of my cousins in NY also remained "childless by choice" and they too had happy lives. OTOH I've known couple whose marriages broke up or were miserable for years because of children.
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Old 10-10-2014, 12:58 AM
 
569 posts, read 538,230 times
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Guess it depends on the person. Personaly, my kids are my whole life, they mean more to me than anything I have ever experienced. So for me, the answer would be yes, I would have missed out on the ultimate experience of a lifetime.....
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Old 10-10-2014, 01:03 AM
 
405 posts, read 415,301 times
Reputation: 464
Quote:
Originally Posted by =^..^= View Post
You are so sadly mistaken about that. I'm old enough to have seen what grown children do to their prents these days. As soon as the parent becomes old and ill enough to need help, the children dump them in a Nursing Home and seldom visit. They're too busy with their own lives to visit. I have SEEN this over and over again. Adult children may not even be living in the same state or country where the elderly parents live. Between my husband and I we have 3 adult children and 2 young-adult grandchildren. One one adult child and one adult grandchild is still in the same state. And on of those is moving next year. Two are living and working abroad - so who will we have if we need help?
I agree completely and have actually experienced this. Shortly after I graduated high school, but before I went to college, my grandmother had some health issues and needed help. My parents didn't have much money at the time and neither did my grandmother so the only real options were to either have her move in with us or put her in the county home. We seriously didn't have any room in our house. We had a 3 bedroom house with my parents having 1 bedroom of course, me having another, and my sister having the other. My brother was too caught up in his own life to even consider her staying there for even a short time despite the fact that he had 2 spare bedrooms. The plan for me was to stay at home at least my freshman year of college and maybe even my sophomore year to keep costs down. So my parents had her put in the county home.

My parents visited her a few times a week at first, then it dropped to a couple times a month, then they started just visiting around holidays. My sister and I probably visited the most and it wasn't as much as we should have. Basically, the family developed a mindset of, "Oh, she's being cared for so we can go on with our lives."
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Old 10-10-2014, 02:02 AM
 
242 posts, read 387,614 times
Reputation: 222
i don't have children and don't want any either. not really a kid person.
i prefer big dogs, labs.... would love to have at least 3.
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Old 10-10-2014, 05:07 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,321 posts, read 4,719,105 times
Reputation: 9763
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShellNic View Post
And let's not even start on those who CAN'T have kids...I get tired of hearing the same drivel about the joys of parenthood and being asked why I never had any...when really, not only isn't it their business but it's kind of rude to assume my intentions. Truth is, by the time I thought it would be smart to have kids, I couldn't. I don't feel like I'm missing out. I love my nephews and nieces beyond words...we can all have a fulfilling life.

What's that lesson? You have to look within yourself, not others, to find that inner joy/happiness/peace...right???
^ THIS is yet another reason not to shun the child less. I will never understand why it's cool to ask "when are you gonna start having kids? " Yet why can't I ask people "when are you gonna get a sitter and finally go out with your friends now that your kid is ten?"
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Old 10-10-2014, 07:43 AM
 
Location: Texas
43,371 posts, read 52,279,215 times
Reputation: 70286
Quote:
Originally Posted by =^..^= View Post
You are so sadly mistaken about that. I'm old enough to have seen what grown children do to their prents these days. As soon as the parent becomes old and ill enough to need help, the children dump them in a Nursing Home and seldom visit. They're too busy with their own lives to visit. I have SEEN this over and over again. Adult children may not even be living in the same state or country where the elderly parents live. Between my husband and I we have 3 adult children and 2 young-adult grandchildren. One one adult child and one adult grandchild is still in the same state. And on of those is moving next year. Two are living and working abroad - so who will we have if we need help?




And THAT is just where about 85% of American elderly end up. Adult children do not care how the parent feels about retirement/nursing homes. They cannot be bothered to take care of their elderly nor do they want the elderly living in their homes disrupting their family. The rest are taken in by a adult child and the others die at home before nursing care is needed.
In THIS country.
Something that would never cross my mind.
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Old 10-10-2014, 07:56 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia
3,074 posts, read 3,145,160 times
Reputation: 1599
They miss out on stress,and there's no guarantee that child will take care of you when you're older anyway.
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Old 10-10-2014, 08:33 AM
 
Location: Canada
9,007 posts, read 8,256,544 times
Reputation: 19195
Quote:
Originally Posted by mdlee3_46041 View Post
If somebody wants to have children and never does, then I think they will feel they've missed out on something. If somebody doesn't want children, then they won't feel that they missed out on anything by not having them.
^^^^This. You don't miss what you don't want.

/thread
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