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Old 10-08-2014, 08:53 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
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It is a contribution to the overpopulation of the world.
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Old 10-08-2014, 09:04 AM
 
128 posts, read 148,037 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate View Post
I agree with this. I don't want kids, and probably won't date anyone that already has kids, unless the kids are grown lol

Stuff I may miss out on

Well, all the stress and general issues that go with parenting, plus the strains on love life, less sex, more fighting, etc.

I don't have kids, and don't want them. Cons outweigh the pros. So, I don't feel I am missing out on anything I want.
Very Well Said, I couldn't agree with you more. Me and my husband used to get bombarded with (You don't know what you're missing) Speeches, while they were busy yelling at little Johnny and Jane...yeah, I can see what we are missing, thanks.
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Old 10-08-2014, 09:52 AM
 
13,293 posts, read 25,463,471 times
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Until about 1960 (and that only in the U.S. and the few places with the Pill available) no really reliable birth control existed, plus the social structures for women's equality were severely flawed even in those places. So there wasn't really much "choice" involved.
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Old 10-08-2014, 10:04 AM
 
1,781 posts, read 2,156,408 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
No. You can't miss what you never have.
Well, I'm not sure I agree with that.

According to an Ann Landers poll (1974, I think), more than 70% of respondents said that if they had it to do all over again, they would NOT have had children.

As to "not missing what you don't have" - it's easy to observe the parenting experience through family and friends and ask yourself, is this something I wish I'd done?
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Old 10-08-2014, 10:26 AM
 
7,762 posts, read 4,969,791 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RosemaryT View Post
As to "not missing what you don't have" - it's easy to observe the parenting experience through family and friends and ask yourself, is this something I wish I'd done?
Many of our appetites and desires stem less from having tasted the thing, and wishing more of it, than from observing second-hand the behaviors of others, and feeling inadequate in not partaking of those behaviors. Most people who desire a fast sports-car haven't had one themselves, and likely have never even driven one borrowed from a friend. Yet they become fixated on the desire for a sleek fast machine because of images, suggestions, observations and so forth. This need not be overt propaganda. In some societies there actually IS overt propaganda enjoining young-people to reproduce, to populate the Fatherland and so forth. But subliminal social pressure is enough.

I don't deny that many people feel substantial and incontrovertible tug towards parenthood, without influence from their relatives or the media or the child-credits in the US federal tax code. It's a natural urge. But it seems to me that the plaintive desire to fit in, to partake of what others have, to become a parent because all of one's neighbors and coworkers are parents, is less the consequence of biological imperatives than of social feeling of being left out.

Every decision with more than one tenable alternative will carry a tinge of doubt and regret. Assuredly, an old person with no offspring will wonder about missed opportunities and whether he/she somehow reneged on a fundamental compact with nature. But such doubts do not tip the proverbial scales in favor of having made the opposite decision. They merely mean that serious people will examine pros and cons, and will realize that no one decision is an unalloyed boon.

Parenthood, I'm told, does have the remarkable property of reorienting our thinking and our values, aligning the new parents with the momentous task of raising their offspring. A child-free person has the luxury of armchair regret of their decision; a parent does not. For the child-free to assert desire for having chosen differently, is perhaps cause for "I told you so" gloating remonstrations. For a parent to assert disgust with parenthood is tantamount to a criminal offense.

We often miss what we don't have. But it's much more benign to miss something not attained, than to pursue it and to fail and to regret one's failure.
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Old 10-08-2014, 10:28 AM
 
15,254 posts, read 16,769,309 times
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Every time you make a choice, you miss out on the consequences, good or bad, of the choice you did not make.
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Old 10-08-2014, 12:51 PM
 
Location: San Francisco, CA
87,922 posts, read 3,658,212 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Europeanflava View Post
The laws of life.


That a desirable person is someone who.....

Owns a home
Has a good job
A good wife/husband
Kids
Ect.
Wow, I don't have any of these things!

Guess I'm about as undesirable as it gets according to "the laws of life".
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Old 10-08-2014, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 23,215,035 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
As a childfree-by-choice person of long standing, I wince at the suggestions that being without children "You can find other ways to contribute/help." No one has kids to "contribute" or help. In creating children, parents have created a situation that needs tending. If they are mature and responsible, they raise the children. No "help" or "contribution," as if parents are so altruistic. Ask anyone why they had kids, and after "I don't know," the answers will likely be "I wanted… "I am… "I, I, I," no more or no less than other choices.

I do think if people are altruistically motivated, they will have a lot more time, energy and money to contribute to socially positive things or causes/work they feel strongly about, while parents are rightfully enough pretty much tied up with raising children.
Well, of the people I know who have chosen not to have kids, I can't think of any who go out of their way to "contribute" to society, or volunteer, etc. Their lives are about themselves, period. The most self-centered people I know are middle-aged and never had kids or a long-term relationship, which probably explains why they would have been a bad parent and could never get a relationship to work. But that's ok, since the world doesn't really need more humans anymore.

Having kids doesn't cause fighting with my husband, or ruin our sex life, etc. It does cost a lot in money and time. But what I now have that I would have missed out on is that feeling of family. A feeling I never got from my own family as a kid growing up because they just ignored me, so I never bonded with my parents or sibling. And also the thought of possibly ending up old and alone with not a single person on the planet caring whether I'm alive or dead was kind of off-putting for me.
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Old 10-08-2014, 01:08 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,408 posts, read 52,393,689 times
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By choosing one path, you always give up the other path.

But that's ok.
You gotta pick one path or the other in about a million different things.
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Old 10-08-2014, 01:13 PM
 
13,293 posts, read 25,463,471 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denverian View Post
But what I now have that I would have missed out on is that feeling of family. A feeling I never got from my own family as a kid growing up because they just ignored me, so I never bonded with my parents or sibling. And also the thought of possibly ending up old and alone with not a single person on the planet caring whether I'm alive or dead was kind of off-putting for me.
Well, it's off-putting to me, too, and I'm from the same kind of situation you describe. But somehow, I never wanted to be a parent and don't think it would give me this sense of family that I actually have no idea what it actually is.

I still don't think that raising a child is a big altruistic contribution. You create a situation and you step up to the plate about it. I also don't think people are required to contribute in any form, although I think it's evolved to want to.

At very least, society should break even for one's existence.
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