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I'm as open-minded as they come, and pride myself in being friends (for real friends, not just the Facebook variety) for years with people WAY different then me in the politics and religion departments. Truly a wide range of folks with differing ideas.
I'm fifty now, and have really started thinking about who I should visit back home across the country, and in doing so have become quite reflective. I've also started thinking that based on some nasty posts on Facebook from people, and angry hateful statements (when I do meet with them in person) about the country and politics in general (and political issues) that I should just cut these folks loose, unannounced.
Tried steering conversation toward other issues like kids and sports and even themselves and their lives, but it always veers back into a big nasty worry-fest or anger fest. Pretty toxic regardless of political views.
But I also remember the age old saying, "say goodbye to friends at your own peril." Friends can be hard to come by. And even some of the nasty ones are glad to see me with hugs all around. But it ain't getting better.
And it's not all my diverse friends, just a handful (on both sides of the fence).
Thoughts?
I like to think of myself as open minded also, but I'll add to that, open-mouthed. I've flat out told people that certain subjects are not up for discussion between us. I live in the conservative, religious south, and I fall into neither category. With a few people, it's taken more than one conversation to get my point across, but eventually it happened.
If my friends want to join hands and say Grace before we have lunch, ok. If they want to rail against the president, or urge me to join their church, no. And, if they post anything on FB I disagree with, I click that handy little "hide" button.
Somehow, my friendships have survived. I know for certain that some of my dearest and oldest friends do not sure my convictions, but we have more in common than differences.
I am not religious, but I am very politically conservative. I can stand more "crunchy" liberal types and true liberals like Dennis Kucinich to a point or in casual conversation, but I don't have enough in common with most liberals to be good friends with them.
but it always veers back into a big nasty worry-fest or anger fest. Pretty toxic regardless of political views.
Thoughts?
My thought is if you are finding their behavior toxic, why would you want to continue to be exposed to it? Unless these people are adding to your life in some way that makes it worth putting up with the toxic comments, why put up with it?
My mother always taught me that you don't discuss religion and politics in mixed company. Since FB became popular around '09 a lot of people decided that spewing hate and non stop comments about the 2 subjects was somehow acceptable.
Anytime people try to spew about this garbage and suck me into it I simply say "My mother always taught me that you don't discuss religion and politics in mixed company."
I do discuss it among family or friends that have the same beliefs, but doing so in front of people with opposing views accomplishes nothing and tears people apart.
My mother always taught me that you don't discuss religion and politics in mixed company. Since FB became popular around '09 a lot of people decided that spewing hate and non stop comments about the 2 subjects was somehow acceptable.
Anytime people try to spew about this garbage and suck me into it I simply say "My mother always taught me that you don't discuss religion and politics in mixed company."
I do discuss it among family or friends that have the same beliefs, but doing so in front of people with opposing views accomplishes nothing and tears people apart.
You obviously have to rein it at work, but I simply don't have much in common with those who are of profoundly different political or religious views. Politics and religion often shape the core of our values and who we are, and we're unlikely to have a lot in common with those diametrically opposed to us.
Politics and religion often shape the core of our values and who we are, and we're unlikely to have a lot in common with those diametrically opposed to us.
They don't shape who I am, but they sure dictate how these other folks think and live. This difference is a big part of the impasse for sure.
Your quote " I've also started thinking that based on some nasty posts on Facebook from people, and angry hateful statements."
You found all this out due to spending too much time on FB. Keeping in touch with people isn't tracking them through social media. While FB has been great for long lost siblings to reunite, missing friends, etc....it has caused a lot of problems. Mostly due to the self absorbed who have to post all their business online.
If you don't keep in contact directly with these people(you know an occasional phone call since you live in different parts of the country), than you don't need to see them when you visit.
Sounds like until you spent time on FB following their moves and in turn they having to tell the world all their political views you didn't have this problem.
They don't shape who I am, but they sure dictate how these other folks think and live. This difference is a big part of the impasse for sure.
That is because politics and religion are much more important to them than the are to you. I know people like that, they work it into every conversation. They can't talk without mentioning politics or their church. In my opinion they are missing out on a lot in life, from the people they will never meet and the places they will ever go.
Usually they really have to go to an extreme to get to me.
I have a facebook friend who frequently likes and shares all the standard far-right talking points, none of which I agree with and some of which I find personally abhorrent. Unfortunately for me, this friend is also my husband.
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