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Old 10-12-2014, 11:25 AM
 
13,057 posts, read 6,238,987 times
Reputation: 10845

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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeantownGirl19 View Post
My poor cousin has the opposite problem. My aunt and uncle are both physicians, graduated from Harvard Med School, well-respected in their fields, the whole nine yards. Unfortunately my cousin struggled academically and when she didn't get into the Ivy League you would have thought the world was coming to an end. She ended up going to a decent, but not top school and my aunt even made a comment to my mother about being embarrassed because all the other doctors' kids were going to Columbia or Stanford. Anyways, she graduated, got a job, moved into her own apartment and supports herself but it's not good enough because she doesn't do anything "brag worthy." It's like Christ, not every kid is going to be Bill Gates or the next President, it doesn't mean they're not doing anything with their lives.
I feel bad for people who are in your cousin's situation. When one has 2 super successful parents, there is real pressure to be like them. Her parents, instead of being embarrassed of their daughter, should be happy that she is doing well. If they stopped and thought about it, your cousin could have done a lot worse for herself. For example, she could have dropped out of high school and ended up on welfare---or worse.

Her parents really need to get some perspective.
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Old 10-12-2014, 11:31 AM
 
Location: USA
6,226 posts, read 5,363,628 times
Reputation: 10643
Most of you are truly far from being losers. Compare to me, I'm 35 years old, make $9 an hour, never had a girlfriend, have no friends, and live in a motel.
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Old 10-12-2014, 12:22 PM
 
Location: East Millcreek
2,406 posts, read 5,255,038 times
Reputation: 2691
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
Well, I am the only person in my family who is not independent. Meaning that I don't have my own family (I have not married yet) Although I don't want to, it does feel awkward sometimes because all my siblings have married or is getting married.

Although I am the baby in the family, I think I am no longer happy with the idea of been taken care of.

My two brothers are financially very comfortable. (both of them are self made millionaires) I make all right income but I am not making as much as they do.

Although my sister is newly divorced, at the very least, she has two beautiful children who make her feel complete.

I love my brothers, don't get me wrong. But I feel I will never measure up no matter how hard I try.

When I was little (well, when I was a teenager) I am used to hear "I will take care of you." But now, hearing "I will take care of you" sounds a little bit awkward.

I have two retail businesses and I just started another retail business. I have a pretty successful online business. I am also a part of the music festival business that my family has. I feel I have no direction in life at this moment because I just don't have the stability that I have been looking for.

I guess I am doing just fine compare to other people my age. But my brothers will always do better me.

How do I (or you) cope with this? I will always feel inferior to my brothers I sometimes even feel inferior to my sister.

I am happy with where I am right now but I do feel stuck. Does it make any sense?

I sometimes feel like a loser and the only loser in my family. Am I being reasonable here? I am sorry that my post is all over the places, but this is exactly how I feel at this moment.

My brother is getting married next January. Although I am happy for him, I feel uneasy about my own situation. I will all of sudden become the only "SINGLE" person in my family.

I just don't know how to cope with all these overwhelming feelings.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

p.s. I want to be single at this stage of my life. But I do feel alone. Does it even make any sense?
Hey OP, how about a little more specificity on your situation? There seems to be a pretty big disconnect between the emotional and the reality. Please enlighten us:
  • Who, exactly, is offering to "take care of you"? And what form does this take?
  • Are your businesses successful? Do they support you? And are they 'real businesses'? By that I mean sustainable venture, not vanity businesses funded by family that wouldn't be viable otherwise?
  • Was the startup money a gift or a loan?
As for the marriage thing, what the hell difference does it make? Are you in a part of the country where everybody gets married by 20 and immediately has kids?
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Old 10-12-2014, 12:28 PM
 
235 posts, read 239,879 times
Reputation: 861
Quote:
Originally Posted by s1alker View Post
Most of you are truly far from being losers. Compare to me, I'm 35 years old, make $9 an hour, never had a girlfriend, have no friends, and live in a motel.
You're working and supporting yourself. You are NOT a loser.
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Old 10-12-2014, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
33,323 posts, read 20,117,121 times
Reputation: 13017
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeantownGirl19 View Post
You're working and supporting yourself. You are NOT a loser.
"loser" is subject to personal interpretation.

For example, both my retail businesses have been funded by my family. My brothers' businesses however are funded by a bank and himself.

So I don't really feel "independent" at all.
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Old 10-12-2014, 01:29 PM
 
Location: East Millcreek
2,406 posts, read 5,255,038 times
Reputation: 2691
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
"loser" is subject to personal interpretation.

For example, both my retail businesses have been funded by my family. My brothers' businesses however are funded by a bank and himself.

So I don't really feel "independent" at all.
That's an absurd comparison. Be happy that your family can help get you started. Regardless, you need to be clearer in distinguishing how you feel and from the objective reality of the situation. You may be entirely independent by any objective measure, yet not feel so. That's entirely different from actually being supported in some way and not liking it. Sensible counsel depends on which is the case.

That said, most small startups are funded by family. Unless they're still carrying you, or the businesses can't stand on their own, then you're doing better than most. Is this the case or not? Pay back their investment if it makes you feel better. Then it's not a gift or a handout, it was a loan that you managed to repay because you were so successful - again, a very real measure of success. Are these businesses profitable enough for you to do that?

You don't mention it, but are you being supported in other ways, beyond what your own income allows? (family paid vacations, cars, cell phones, etc etc)? If so, you're right, that's not independence. Either quit taking the support or quit worrying about it. Can't have it both ways (in fairness it isn't clear that this is the case, you're not very explicit about your situation).
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Old 10-12-2014, 01:39 PM
 
13,832 posts, read 14,659,152 times
Reputation: 11521
part of growing up is growing a thicker skin and following your path. to continue to allow the negativity you feel from your own conceived idea of what you think your family defines as success won't help you at all. if you want to be more independent do not allow yourself to fall into this negativity. pay your parents back for your business so it will then be yours "independently". move out of your parents home if that is where you are living. stop wanting your families 100% approval and stop wanting to be "as much" as you see your siblings. it takes practice.
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Old 10-12-2014, 02:48 PM
 
Location: So. of Rosarito, Baja, Mexico
6,654 posts, read 18,684,570 times
Reputation: 6106
Being considered a Millionaire while being Funded by a Bank would be nothing to brag about if anything.

I know one who wrote a check for 45K when buying a single engine airplane that he learned to fly along with his future wife (Lawyer). He was a Dentist and a partner owning a chain of Hotels.

Too many of the Hollywood types that have their Mansions are only a Mortgage payment away from being evicted....all one has to do is read the occasional news items.

Two businesses (funded) are not exactly something a person can brag or boast about.

A helpful hand (money wise) is great in some locals like the Jewish and Italians who expect you to work long hrs and pay back with interest.

Me, started my own businesses (6) over a 36 yr period and Never borrowed a dime......it can be done.
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Old 10-12-2014, 02:52 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,257,322 times
Reputation: 62056
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
That is a great advice but it is so hard to do sometimes.

If I feel happy about myself, then I don't compare myself to others. But when I have a lot of self doubts, the comparison magically starts. Maybe I am my worst enemy.
You are as are most other humans.
Tell you what, each time you start having the doubts and start comparing yourself to others, do something you don't like to do.
That way when the doubts start, you have to do something you don't like to do and the doubts will find a way to stop coming because you will tell yourself that the trade off of doing something you don't like to do isn't worth all the doubts and comparisons to others.
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Old 10-12-2014, 06:03 PM
 
Location: Anchored in Phoenix
1,942 posts, read 3,921,388 times
Reputation: 1767
To the OP.

You come across as if you are in your 20s. You worry that you are a loser in your 20s! Good grief!

I'll tell you what. I'm in my 50s and never married. My siblings are divorced and single as well. One member of our family had kids. So from your line "I'm not married," you imply that you are a loser for not marrying.

From your screen name you seem female so I can understand your peer pressure about marriage. I have a sister who never married and I don't consider that freaky. Being single is more accepted these days than the 80s when my siblings and I were in our 20s.

And here you say you have several businesses? Holy cow! How could you have low self esteem? You are in control of yourself!
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