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Old 10-12-2014, 06:55 PM
 
Location: Elysium
6,549 posts, read 3,605,139 times
Reputation: 4547

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Quote:
How do you cope with the fact that you might be the only "loser" in your family?
I plugged myself into a local church. It doesn't have to be religion it can be any community service organization, assuming you also fellowship with its members. it took the better part of five years before I felt that I had truly turned the corner and was no longer the loser of the clan avoiding reunions and Thanksgivings.
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Old 10-12-2014, 07:39 PM
 
3,947 posts, read 4,120,783 times
Reputation: 4711
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
Well, I am the only person in my family who is not independent. Meaning that I don't have my own family (I have not married yet) Although I don't want to, it does feel awkward sometimes because all my siblings have married or is getting married.

Although I am the baby in the family, I think I am no longer happy with the idea of been taken care of.

My two brothers are financially very comfortable. (both of them are self made millionaires) I make all right income but I am not making as much as they do.

Although my sister is newly divorced, at the very least, she has two beautiful children who make her feel complete.

I love my brothers, don't get me wrong. But I feel I will never measure up no matter how hard I try.

When I was little (well, when I was a teenager) I am used to hear "I will take care of you." But now, hearing "I will take care of you" sounds a little bit awkward.

I have two retail businesses and I just started another retail business. I have a pretty successful online business. I am also a part of the music festival business that my family has. I feel I have no direction in life at this moment because I just don't have the stability that I have been looking for.

I guess I am doing just fine compare to other people my age. But my brothers will always do better me.

How do I (or you) cope with this? I will always feel inferior to my brothers I sometimes even feel inferior to my sister.

I am happy with where I am right now but I do feel stuck. Does it make any sense?

I sometimes feel like a loser and the only loser in my family. Am I being reasonable here? I am sorry that my post is all over the places, but this is exactly how I feel at this moment.

My brother is getting married next January. Although I am happy for him, I feel uneasy about my own situation. I will all of sudden become the only "SINGLE" person in my family.

I just don't know how to cope with all these overwhelming feelings.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

p.s. I want to be single at this stage of my life. But I do feel alone. Does it even make any sense?
You have a lot of negative self-talk.. although with good intentions, perhaps when you were growing up, the fact that your siblings and family have always said "I'll take care of you" you feel in a sense immobilized, like you are the baby of the family, and because you are the baby, you will never be expected to measure up and now time has passed by, you are in a sense still the baby, and why you feel stuck.. the role that defined you now limits you.

You own two businesses and are partaking in music festivals.. I don't see how you are a loser.

Maybe you've internalized the position of being youngest for so long that you feel a bit self-limited. The only person you really need to compare yourself up to is you, and what you feel about the progress you need/want out of life. And, not everyone is dealt with the same hand and same responsibilities as others.

You're not loser just because you feel stuck. Feeling stuck gives you reasons to assess your options. At least you still have options, right? More to look forward to? Maybe you can focus on expanding your retail stores into something you're passionate about.

Utilize your feelings of stuckness as leverage, and try implementing a personal inventory of what you desire and want out of life, and ask yourself what makes you truly happy from within..
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Old 10-12-2014, 07:57 PM
 
Location: City of Angels
2,935 posts, read 4,755,157 times
Reputation: 2236
It doesn't bother me much. I am comfortable with the choices I have made in my life, and have come to grips with the fact that my family considers me a disappointment.

My father is the only person in my family I would describe as being successful. He is an insane workaholic, who goes stir crazy if he isn't doing something productive. As a child I was groomed to follow in his footsteps, but that is no way to live, IMO. Don't get me wrong, I am greatful for my upbringing because being unfazed by working 100+ hours per week has turned out to be a valuable commodity for me. But I do it to achieve short term goals - specifically taking 6 month mini-retirements/long term world travel. So I will never run a successful business long term, as soon as I hit my savings goal, I am always on the next flight out of the country.

I am the only single and childless person in my family (or extended family for that matter). This doesn't bother me in the least, and even my family has come to grips with the fact that I will never marry. They don't even bring it up anymore.
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Old 10-12-2014, 08:00 PM
 
Location: Columbus, OH
381 posts, read 508,420 times
Reputation: 524
I choose to look at life this way:

There are millions, if not billions of people, who have no idea where their next meal is coming from. There are people who live a very marginal existence. There are people suffering from disease.

On my worst day, I am doing pretty well.
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Old 10-12-2014, 08:01 PM
 
3,947 posts, read 4,120,783 times
Reputation: 4711
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fletchman View Post
I choose to look at life this way:

There are millions, if not billions of people, who have no idea where their next meal is coming from. There are people who live a very marginal existence. There are people suffering from disease.

On my worst day, I am doing pretty well.
Excellent!!
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Old 10-12-2014, 08:06 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
14,604 posts, read 8,417,553 times
Reputation: 29178
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
p.s. I want to be single at this stage of my life. But I do feel alone. Does it even make any sense?
OP, it sounds like you're doing great. You said, "I want to be single at this stage of my life." Remember, it is YOUR LIFE to live, not anyone else's. Don't let others tell you what you should be doing and when you should be doing it. You want to be single, and you are. There is nothing wrong with that at all. The last thing you should do is saddle yourself with a husband and kids just because others tell you that's the only right way to live. Different people find happiness in different ways. As for your brothers, although it's great that they're millionaires, you are successful in your own right. Success is not only measured by income, (although our materialistic society would like you to think that). Try to banish that negative self talk. It will only drag you down.
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Old 10-12-2014, 08:10 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,469 posts, read 52,484,972 times
Reputation: 70562
Why are you comparing yourself to your siblings?

Do you always compare?

Why only with them?

If you were all married millionaires with kids, someone would have fewer millions or fewer kids or have sex fewer times a month with their supermodel spouse...I mean, in any group, you can tease out meaningless hierarchies to make yourself feel better or worse.

Why do you do it?
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Old 10-13-2014, 05:06 AM
 
5,367 posts, read 5,984,265 times
Reputation: 7158
Most families have multiple losers
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Old 10-13-2014, 07:25 AM
 
7,496 posts, read 9,729,384 times
Reputation: 7394
Well jeez, it doesn't sound like you are that much of a "loser". So you have yet to meet the right person. So do a lot of people.
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Old 10-13-2014, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Anchored in Phoenix
1,942 posts, read 3,911,171 times
Reputation: 1767
Yeah I did not read the part that your brothers are millionaires. But so what if they are? You still have your own FREEDOM. You have the tools of survival and you know it. There are a lot of precocious 20s and 30s people who are "under the thumb" of a boss.

Besides, I never tell my siblings my net worth. It's tacky. I almost did. The worst thing I ever did was tell a sibling my income years ago. She told her boyfriend and he then told me that I don't deserve the money. I was insulted at the time but in retrospect from this point, he was right. I regret ever saying what my income was.
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