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Old 10-11-2014, 05:23 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
33,235 posts, read 20,075,992 times
Reputation: 12984

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Well, I am the only person in my family who is not independent. Meaning that I don't have my own family (I have not married yet) Although I don't want to, it does feel awkward sometimes because all my siblings have married or is getting married.

Although I am the baby in the family, I think I am no longer happy with the idea of been taken care of.

My two brothers are financially very comfortable. (both of them are self made millionaires) I make all right income but I am not making as much as they do.

Although my sister is newly divorced, at the very least, she has two beautiful children who make her feel complete.

I love my brothers, don't get me wrong. But I feel I will never measure up no matter how hard I try.

When I was little (well, when I was a teenager) I am used to hear "I will take care of you." But now, hearing "I will take care of you" sounds a little bit awkward.

I have two retail businesses and I just started another retail business. I have a pretty successful online business. I am also a part of the music festival business that my family has. I feel I have no direction in life at this moment because I just don't have the stability that I have been looking for.

I guess I am doing just fine compare to other people my age. But my brothers will always do better me.

How do I (or you) cope with this? I will always feel inferior to my brothers I sometimes even feel inferior to my sister.

I am happy with where I am right now but I do feel stuck. Does it make any sense?

I sometimes feel like a loser and the only loser in my family. Am I being reasonable here? I am sorry that my post is all over the places, but this is exactly how I feel at this moment.

My brother is getting married next January. Although I am happy for him, I feel uneasy about my own situation. I will all of sudden become the only "SINGLE" person in my family.

I just don't know how to cope with all these overwhelming feelings.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

p.s. I want to be single at this stage of my life. But I do feel alone. Does it even make any sense?

Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 10-11-2014 at 05:34 PM..
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Old 10-11-2014, 05:33 PM
 
235 posts, read 239,527 times
Reputation: 861
It's very hard, I understand where you're coming from. Everyone in my family is super educated and financially successful.

I'm 36, unmarried with no children. I'm used to the pitying stares of strangers when they ask if I have kids and I tell them no. Last year I finished graduate school and haven't been able to find a job since. I've literally applied at hundreds of places only to be told I'm over-educated, over-qualified or I have the right credentials but not enough experience. I've tried dumbing down my resume when necessary and it still doesn't help.

To make matters worse my mother is an unbearable nag who spends her days telling me everything I'm doing wrong in life. She doesn't realize you can't just walk into a place and demand a six figure job. Mind you, I've never once taken or asked for money from my family to cover living expenses and bills, I've always supported myself. I also recently left an abusive relationship with zero help or support from my family. Some days I feel like giving up, it seems like no matter how hard I try, nothing gets better.

The only advice I can give you is to hang in there. Think of it this way: Do you look down on homeless and poor people just because they don't have money? My guess is no, so try to apply the same attitude towards yourself. Best of luck
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Old 10-11-2014, 05:47 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
33,235 posts, read 20,075,992 times
Reputation: 12984
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeantownGirl19 View Post
It's very hard, I understand where you're coming from. Everyone in my family is super educated and financially successful.

I'm 36, unmarried with no children. I'm used to the pitying stares of strangers when they ask if I have kids and I tell them no. Last year I finished graduate school and haven't been able to find a job since. I've literally applied at hundreds of places only to be told I'm over-educated, over-qualified or I have the right credentials but not enough experience. I've tried dumbing down my resume when necessary and it still doesn't help.

To make matters worse my mother is an unbearable nag who spends her days telling me everything I'm doing wrong in life. She doesn't realize you can't just walk into a place and demand a six figure job. Mind you, I've never once taken or asked for money from my family to cover living expenses and bills, I've always supported myself. I also recently left an abusive relationship with zero help or support from my family. Some days I feel like giving up, it seems like no matter how hard I try, nothing gets better.

The only advice I can give you is to hang in there. Think of it this way: Do you look down on homeless and poor people just because they don't have money? My guess is no, so try to apply the same attitude towards yourself. Best of luck
It feels good that I am not the only one.

My family thinks I am just a person who think too much. They tell me they are very proud of me. I don't know exactly what they are proud of.

I have an art degree I also have a business degree. But I feel all my college education is a waste of time. I am a pretty darn good artist, almost everyone is impressed by my artworks. But so what? I still feel I have no directions in life.

I've traveled to England twice this year to see my brother. I've seen my brother's work place in England. He is doing so well. I feel even though I put in the same efforts, I just don't get the same result.

I guess I will get over it. I hope I do. Maybe my brother's upcoming marriage forces me to looking within myself and I just feel a little bit lost.

Thank you again. I really appreciate your advice.
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Old 10-11-2014, 06:31 PM
 
1,309 posts, read 902,450 times
Reputation: 1755
I don't like being a loser but I try to keep it quiet. When someone mentions City-Data, I pretend I don't post here and have no idea what theyre talking about
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Old 10-11-2014, 06:36 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
33,235 posts, read 20,075,992 times
Reputation: 12984
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoolZombie View Post
I don't like being a loser but I try to keep it quiet. When someone mentions City-Data, I pretend I don't post here and have no idea what theyre talking about
haha. I do too.

I don't tell people in real life I post here either. But I found out recently one of my friends also post here.
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Old 10-11-2014, 11:21 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,001 posts, read 54,493,040 times
Reputation: 66349
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoolZombie View Post
I don't like being a loser but I try to keep it quiet. When someone mentions City-Data, I pretend I don't post here and have no idea what they're talking about
This made me laugh out loud.

I have found myself saying in RL that I had a conversation with some people about XYZ, when in reality it was a discussion on one of these forums.

To the OP, you can just keep being who you are, but I know it's hard not to look at family members and be envious or feel that you are supposed to fit into a certain slot just because that's where you've always been in the eyes of your family. If you change, it makes other people nervous!

I'm in my fifties, and I got divorced years ago and never got a shot at another relationship or a marriage. For eons, I was the only one in the family (of six living siblings) who had no significant other. No one ever said anything, but I was always painfully aware of it at holiday and other family gatherings. It's like having a giant L stamped in the middle of my forehead. Then earlier this year, one of my brothers broke up with his long-time girlfriend, and the other brother's live-in girlfriend of 17 years just moved out and left him recently. Not that I'm happy about what they are going through, but hey, at least at Thanksgiving this year THREE of us are single!
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Old 10-12-2014, 12:35 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
33,235 posts, read 20,075,992 times
Reputation: 12984
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
This made me laugh out loud.

I have found myself saying in RL that I had a conversation with some people about XYZ, when in reality it was a discussion on one of these forums.

To the OP, you can just keep being who you are, but I know it's hard not to look at family members and be envious or feel that you are supposed to fit into a certain slot just because that's where you've always been in the eyes of your family. If you change, it makes other people nervous!

I'm in my fifties, and I got divorced years ago and never got a shot at another relationship or a marriage. For eons, I was the only one in the family (of six living siblings) who had no significant other. No one ever said anything, but I was always painfully aware of it at holiday and other family gatherings. It's like having a giant L stamped in the middle of my forehead. Then earlier this year, one of my brothers broke up with his long-time girlfriend, and the other brother's live-in girlfriend of 17 years just moved out and left him recently. Not that I'm happy about what they are going through, but hey, at least at Thanksgiving this year THREE of us are single!
Thank you so much. It makes me feel a bit better.

I don't just feel uneasy about being single. I can find a boyfriend quickly if I really want to. It is more of the other things. Still feel I don't have any directions in life and I am almost 30?

It just looks like my siblings are more grounded and have better things in life.

A. Brother number 1: He's financially very comfortable, He has one beautiful son. He has a loving wife.

B. brother number 2: Owns his own business (A very cool business as well) He is getting married and his wife is pretty impressive too.

c. My sister just finished his psychological treatment. She is now actively dating and she has two beautiful kids to go home to everyday

D. Here is me: I am a somewhat successful business owner. I don't want to date (isn't that just the strangest thing?)

Humans are social animals and we feel we need to belong to a group in order to feel safe and happy. I love my family but I no longer feel I fit in.

But I will get over this. I just have to tell myself "This too shall pass"
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Old 10-12-2014, 12:58 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 3,077,467 times
Reputation: 4286
Try learn who you are, try to understand your own soul, don't let the loser feeling to take over you, you are not a loser.
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Old 10-12-2014, 01:08 AM
 
10,812 posts, read 8,054,817 times
Reputation: 17010
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoolZombie View Post
When someone mentions City-Data, I pretend I don't post here and have no idea what theyre talking about
omg, this might be the funniest thing I've ever read on C-D. Guilty as charged. I might make it my status.
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Old 10-12-2014, 01:19 AM
 
Location: USA
2,659 posts, read 2,033,078 times
Reputation: 4362
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoolZombie View Post
I don't like being a loser but I try to keep it quiet. When someone mentions City-Data, I pretend I don't post here and have no idea what theyre talking about
Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuitmom View Post
omg, this might be the funniest thing I've ever read on C-D. Guilty as charged. I might make it my status.
Make it your FB status hee hee
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