What does it mean when your in-law does these things to you? How do you deal with it? (member, relatives)

[CSD610]

I would leave the room or ignore them, none of their business how I live my life and I did not marry them.
If you continue to tolerate the treatment that treatment will continue, if you continue to walk away or
not be around them at all the treatment will go away.

[NoMoreSnowForMe]

I doubt you'll ever change this relative. I'd just stay away from him. Tell your SO you've had it and won't hang around him anymore.

I had an almost-MIL once. A boyfriend I lived with for 5 years, his mother would come to visit us. The BF would be super busy, over-booked, and expected me to taxi his mother around and entertain her. I was young and stupid enough to go along with this.

Which would have probably been okay, if she wasn't a really mean woman to me. She was b*tchy and critical of me. I would never put up with it for a minute nowadays, but back then I was trying to please everyone.

And she was mean and critical of me in my own house, and their agreement was that she could stay as long as she wanted. Her visits would regularly be 3 - 4 weeks.

Finally after another torturous visit, I told the BF that the next time she comes, I'm not having anything to do with her, and I'm not taxiing her around or entertaining her, because she is mean to me.

Of course, he didn't believe me or hoped I'd behave like normal the next time she came. This time, I kept leaving and being too busy myself. When she'd announce she needed me to take her somewhere, I'd say, You'll have to talk to your son about that. You're always mean to me, and you obviously don't like me and are only here to visit your son, so you guys work things out as far as your needs go while you're here.

Well, he did not take up the slack, and I stuck to my guns, and she cut her trip very short and didn't come back the next year.

Then, I was smart enough to leave him LOL!

But, anyway, I get the evil relative story. Odds are you won't change the relative. You can only change your own behavior, including not having anything more to do with this person. Even if your SO tries to convince you that you have to put up with them. Uh, no you don't. Love you, babe, but I'm not on board for this anymore. If you want to go, that's fine. I'll be fine right here.

Good luck figuring out how to change things. I can tell you that when/if you do, it will be enormously freeing.

[Zeurich]

Use ear plugs or use your music player and listen to music.

[KimFreebish]

Is this a parent in law? They sound very immature.

[runswithscissors]

I never understand these questions because I just don't engage in those conversations. I had a MIL who actually DID horrible things to my baby so I never even left him around her and didn't spend much time with her myself outside of family dinners every other week or so. (like pour lemon juice down his throat when he had a cold - idiot). When she said stupid crap to me I just laughed. Right out loud.

That being said, it's weird you never met these phantom relatives or if they even exist.

Abruptly change the subject.

"Rich doctor cousin blah blah blah...."

"Hey did you see when Blake Shelton stole that singer from Pharrell on The Voice last night?"....or some other equally innane small talk

[CCc girl]

Next time he blathers on about this so called rich and educated person ask why you haven't met them yet, where they live, would they like to visit, when can you meet them, what are their hobbies, where they go to church, where they keep their boat, when their birthdays are. Start talk stalking them if you will. I bet this in law will be at a loss for particulars and the actual persons never materialize.

[SimpleHope]

I have to agree with the others, just walk away from this person. Do not feel obligated to engage in conversation with them.

NoMoreSnowForMe: for a long time (too long) my marriage was like that. I too woke up one day and said "no more." DH is no longer "busy" when his mom (the wicked witch of the mid-west) comes to visit. She is his problem and my parents are my problem.

[brokensky]

There are still many people who feel like the "pedigree" of their family is the way to measure not only themselves (and each other) but other folks, as well.

My mother's family is very much this way (the elderly adults - NOT my cousins). It is as much an emphasis on education as it is money. If you have a Ph.D. you are worshipped; if you have an MA, you are acceptable, but will be asked constantly - for decades, lol - when you are getting your Ph.D.

If you "only" have a BA/BS . . . then your salary will be scrutinized in order to prove how much more you would be making if you had graduate degree(s) . . . and told no one will think you are very serious about your career unless you get the MA.

So some families are just this way. Yours, OP, seems to emphasize the money and acquisitions and career choices. In any case, it is very annoying, especially once you are in your 50s, lol.

It is doubtful you will ever change this person. He/she probably feels like he/she is actually giving you good advice and wonders why you are not conforming. Some folks think they know best for everyone else in their families.

I have learned in dealing with bossy (nosy, intrusive) relatives that saying non-commital things like - "That's nice" and "Oh. Uh huh" and nothing else (and never "defending" my position on something) is the best way to handle folks who think they know how to handle my life better than I do. Maybe that will work for you. Just don't let them get inside your head enough for it to bother you (as it is now). Dismiss their comments, be polite, and live your life as you see fit.

[Lilac110]

Originally Posted by reebo

Walk out of the room.

Thread should have ended there.

[jrsydevil82]

I think CD needs to make a section specifically for In-laws