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This is more up to your parents than you, it will be up to them to keep their conversations civil, choose their words carefully and keep their discussions from turning into fights. No couple will ever agree 100% on everything but it is how they handle the points of disagreement that is important, yelling, name calling, etc. is no way to handle things.
Very true, and my parents indulge in yelling + name calling a lot while getting into arguments, sometimes with a mixture of sarcasm in vain. But the worst part is when they talk behind my back about taking each other's sides. That makes me very angry, and I seriously wish they would just STOP IT .
Do not take sides and do not get involved. Period.
This is what I try to do as much as possible, but when arguments get intense, I gravitate to involvement for stopping them from potentially hurting each other. Bottom line is, I don't want any violence in the family.
This is what I try to do as much as possible, but when arguments get intense, I gravitate to involvement for stopping them from potentially hurting each other. Bottom line is, I don't want any violence in the family.
It's not about what you want. If there is violence, you call the police.
Better yet, move out. Maybe you are the source of their stress?
There is nothing you can do, its not in your hands and this is strictly between the two of them. I understand your position but, I'm sure your parents are smart enough to know what to do if they really want to save their marriage. Perhaps something is going on or took place over time that you are not privy to. You can express your desire for them to work it out but they can be beyond that point already. Perhaps some time away from each other, like you and mom take a trip somewhere and dad and the others do the same. Best of luck.
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Adi, there is nothing you can do to make their relationship better. Only they can do that.
If you are looking for age related crankiness reasons, there are a couple, provided your folks are old enough.
Men start to lose brain cells somewhere in the vicinity of age 54. This makes them more impatient and crankier than they used to be. (I read this in some Journal a few years ago.) These men would tell you they love their wife very much, while at the same time snapping at her to sit down and shut up.
Women enter into menopause somewhere in the vicinity of age 54. For some women, this has few noticable symptoms, while I have had other women tell me that they thought they were losing their minds.
My husband and I dont have kids, but we have friends that do. These friends had a LTR, and 3 beautiful children. We were shocked when they told us they might be headed for divorce. This was at a time when 2 children were self-sufficient, and the baby girl was almost ready to take flight. This is the "Nest Leaving" syndrome all couples with children face.
She said, "Suddenly, we dont seem to have anything in common anymore."
He said, "Yeah, kids are a big distraction."
These friends are both attorneys, and from my perspective had everything any couple could dream for. Supportive parents, great kids, great home, great everything. At a time when you would think they would be saying stuff to each other like, "Hey! Soon we can walk around the house naked again!" - they are thinking of starting anew.
You might not be able to stop whatever they have going on, Adi. I would suggest leaving them alone to work out whatever it is they want to do. It could prove to be more damaging to them for you to get envolved. Dont take anybody's side. Its their relationship - but you are still their child. Dont allow either one of them to drag you into their fighting and bickering. Its not your place, and remind them of that fact, if you have to.
"You are my Mom, and you are my Dad. You are both the same to me, so just leave me out of it. I love you both!"
You said yourself that you are the Eldest, Adi. But, this is not a responsibility that you can take on. You will travel this road of Middle to Old Age one day, but now is not your time. As your Elders, they have to work things out alone.
Who knows? Maybe they will stay together forever, but always not seem to get along. *shrugs*
They will always be your Mom and Dad no matter what direction their lives take now. You could be amplifying the situation and making things worse, just by getting envolved in it.
Unless you honestly believe one might kill the other, do what you would want them to do if it was you and your wife/husband - stay out of it. Its the best thing you can do.
Best wishes to all of you.
Last edited by ConeyGirl52; 10-14-2014 at 05:22 PM..
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
You are a grown up man with your own life. Your parents' marriage is their business, not yours. Just be there to support them whatever happens. Do not take sides and do not get involved. Period.
I agree. well said. Would you want them to meddle into your relationship when having problems with your SO? just sayin'.
You are a grown up man with your own life. Your parents' marriage is their business, not yours. Just be there to support them whatever happens. Do not take sides and do not get involved. Period.
Agree 100%
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adi from the Brunswicks
This is what I try to do as much as possible, but when arguments get intense, I gravitate to involvement for stopping them from potentially hurting each other. Bottom line is, I don't want any violence in the family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adi from the Brunswicks
I'd have to recommend this to them. I think signing up for counseling lifts the weight off both of our shoulders.
But do remember that we are south Indian, so its important to find a counselor who can accommodate for these cultural differences.
I know it bothers you, but you need to stay out of it completely. You are not privy to what goes on in their marriage and there are likely things you don't know about their relationship. Do not tell them they need counseling, do not interfere when there is a fight...etc. You are not going to help the situation by getting involved. Please trust me on this one.
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