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Old 10-16-2014, 10:26 AM
 
894 posts, read 840,091 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
I don't have kids, but I know that for people who do all kinds of choices are will be up for discussion with outside parties whether you want them to be or not. People have opinions about things and they generally want to be helpful, even if it comes across as meddling. Today it's breastfeeding, once the kid's born it'll be bedtimes or when to introduce solid foods or potty training or a million other things. The OP's going to have to learn how to say, "thanks for caring, but I'll do what I think is best for my family" and move on with her life, because this is not going to be the last time she'll be confronted with someone else's opinion about her choices..
I agree. If I ever get pregnant I'm not discussing my pregnancy, birth plan, parenting plans etc. with anybody. No matter what you do you can't win. Look at all the criticism the poor OP has received from the Sanctimommy crowd on this thread alone. She wasn't asking for advice on breastfeeding, she was asking for advice on how to handle people who won't mind their own damn business. The poor girl hasn't even given birth yet, and she's already been deemed a crappy, negligent mother.

 
Old 10-16-2014, 10:46 AM
 
7,495 posts, read 9,765,419 times
Reputation: 7394
They really need to mind their own business. They probably don't even know that sometimes babies don't take to it.
 
Old 10-16-2014, 11:20 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,560,970 times
Reputation: 39866
I think some here are losing sight of the fact that the bottom line is what is best for the baby.

This is not a feminist it's-my-body-issue!

Sure people will have their opinions and preferences, but at the end of the day each mom and dad should choose to do what is right for their baby, not themselves or their family members.

That means, breastfeeding when possible and bottle feeding without stress when necessary.

Our OP is young and likely nervous and scared about all she is going through. Let's support her, not tear her down.

I feel confident that if she does her homework on this issue she will come to understand the value of staying as stress-free as possible AND breastfeeding for at least the first few weeks of her childs life.
 
Old 10-16-2014, 12:52 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
14,698 posts, read 8,494,355 times
Reputation: 29408
I don't think there is anything wrong with educating the OP about the benefits of breastfeeding. It sounds like she doesn't know much about it. But accusing her of being a crappy mother because she is inclined not to do it is wrong. Every mother-to-be has the right to make their own decisions about how to raise their infants. Whatever she chooses is ultimately her decision, no matter what her age.
 
Old 10-16-2014, 01:31 PM
 
13,170 posts, read 20,800,491 times
Reputation: 35473
Who said she was a crappy mother? Most of the responses told her to do what she wanted, while a few of us, for the benefit of her baby, urged her not to completely close her mind to it.

She really hasn't articulated a good reason not to give it a try. Modesty? First of all, it's easy to cover up while breast feeding, and secondly, there is nothing that strips modesty away as quickly as the birth experience will.

It is vastly cheaper than formula, it helps the mother's body recover quickly, and the health benefits to the infant are well documented. I honestly don't care what she does, but I don't think she's really making an informed decision, if she can't give a reasonable response to the father of the baby.
 
Old 10-16-2014, 01:33 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,257,322 times
Reputation: 62056
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I think some here are losing sight of the fact that the bottom line is what is best for the baby.

This is not a feminist it's-my-body-issue!

Sure people will have their opinions and preferences, but at the end of the day each mom and dad should choose to do what is right for their baby, not themselves or their family members.

That means, breastfeeding when possible and bottle feeding without stress when necessary.

Our OP is young and likely nervous and scared about all she is going through. Let's support her, not tear her down.

I feel confident that if she does her homework on this issue she will come to understand the value of staying as stress-free as possible AND breastfeeding for at least the first few weeks of her childs life.
Actually, the bottom line is the original poster did not ask for anyone's opinion about breast feeding itself so that is not even an actual part of the topic or discussion.

She asked for advice in regarding how to tell others that she does not want to hear their opinions about her choosing not to breast feed.

That is the only topic of discussion that the original poster presented.
So no amount of homework, information, just try it or any other "suggestion or advice" posted has anything to do with the original topic and should not have even been brought up.

Supporting the original poster does not involve giving advice, suggesting, or giving opinions on the reasons why she should breast feed and if she would just "do her homework and be better informed" she would see what is best for the baby, since none of that was asked about.

I feel confident if all of those still trying to pressure, guilt and shame the original poster would leave her alone the remainder of her pregnancy, labor and child birth experience will be much less stressful than it currently is.
 
Old 10-16-2014, 01:35 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,257,322 times
Reputation: 62056
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Who said she was a crappy mother? Most of the responses told her to do what she wanted, while a few of us, for the benefit of her baby, urged her not to completely close her mind to it.

She really hasn't articulated a good reason not to give it a try. Modesty? First of all, it's easy to cover up while breast feeding, and secondly, there is nothing that strips modesty away as quickly as the birth experience will.

It is vastly cheaper than formula, it helps the mother's body recover quickly, and the health benefits to the infant are well documented. I honestly don't care what she does, but I don't think she's really making an informed decision, if she can't give a reasonable response to the father of the baby.

Yes she has "articulated" her reason.........she does not want to breast feed. That statement was presented very clearly and should be respected and so far very few on the thread have respected that as the reason she has chosen not to breast feed.

I don't think she asked for anyone's advice on making an informed decision she asked for advice on how to stop (key word is stop) being badgered about her decision to not breast feed.
 
Old 10-16-2014, 01:54 PM
 
12,540 posts, read 12,531,731 times
Reputation: 28901
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkheartsandrainbows View Post
i'm pregnant and once i told my baby's father i wasn't going to breastfeed he got upset w/ me.
he said, "what do you mean you won't? it's better for the baby."
now he's been bringing it up and he says he thinks I will change my mind once our child is born
but honestly i have no interest & plan on formula feeding
i think he thinks this bc his brothers wife breastfeeds, makes her own baby food etc
im not against breastfeeding or anything its just not for me.
my mom told me to just do what i want but his family are the ones that live close to me & they
are pressuring me and talking it up about how the milk is better for the baby
part of my issue is pumping… it seems awful and i googled the process and it's def not for me.
anyway once again im not against it in general but it's not for me and i feel like it's my choice to make.
i am looking for advice as to how to get them off my back.
Meh, I can't blame you. The thought of a kid latching on to my boob, or of attaching a suction device to my boob to milk it, makes me dizzy with nausea. Then again, I don't have kids, never wanted them, and had a morbid fear of unwanted pregnancy that drove me to use at least one, if not two, forms of contraception or just not have sex at all.

The bottom line is that your BF's family can feed their infants the way they want, and you can feed your infants the way you want. Is breastfeeding better for the baby? Yes. But in the end, it's your decision because it's your body, and only you have the right to decide how to use it. Just say, "Thank you for your opinion. If I need further advice, I will ask you." Next time they bring it up, change the subject or get up and walk away.
 
Old 10-16-2014, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,560,970 times
Reputation: 39866
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Actually, the bottom line is the original poster did not ask for anyone's opinion about breast feeding itself so that is not even an actual part of the topic or discussion.

She asked for advice in regarding how to tell others that she does not want to hear their opinions about her choosing not to breast feed.

That is the only topic of discussion that the original poster presented.
So no amount of homework, information, just try it or any other "suggestion or advice" posted has anything to do with the original topic and should not have even been brought up.

Supporting the original poster does not involve giving advice, suggesting, or giving opinions on the reasons why she should breast feed and if she would just "do her homework and be better informed" she would see what is best for the baby, since none of that was asked about.

I feel confident if all of those still trying to pressure, guilt and shame the original poster would leave her alone the remainder of her pregnancy, labor and child birth experience will be much less stressful than it currently is.
As per usual, when you ask for any advice on an internet forum people are going to give it based on what they themselves believe or know.

Some here recognize that she is young, scared and uninformed. It would not be in her best interest, or the best advice, to just tell her how to tell her BF and family to back off. That may be what she wants, but it's not the thing that will address her real problem.

She has done little to no research on the subject of breastfeeding and appears to be making a decision not to do it based on fear and emotion.

Those who come off as "shaming" (and I hope I don't) are just reacting to her lack of willingness to consider all the factors and make a choice based on her baby's needs, not her own.
 
Old 10-16-2014, 02:21 PM
 
13,170 posts, read 20,800,491 times
Reputation: 35473
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Yes she has "articulated" her reason.........she does not want to breast feed. That statement was presented very clearly and should be respected and so far very few on the thread have respected that as the reason she has chosen not to breast feed.

I don't think she asked for anyone's advice on making an informed decision she asked for advice on how to stop (key word is stop) being badgered about her decision to not breast feed.
Well, obviously her reason isn't sitting well with her boyfriend. I'm not going to provide the wording for her to change his mind, unless she can explain why, after doing some research, she is making an informed decision.
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