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Old 10-15-2014, 06:57 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,566,968 times
Reputation: 29034

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Quote:
Originally Posted by allenk893 View Post
He's the father of your child now, not just your boyfriend. So you have to consider his feelings in this relationship. My advice is to try it at least ONCE when the baby first comes. That way you actually get to experience it and see for sure if it's something you want or don't want and you at least satisfy your boyfriend in that regard.
Ah ... no you don't. When he marries you and/or he has established a record of paying child support, you can consider his feelings. Until then, they're your breasts and you can do with them what you want. You're the one the law will primarily hold accountable for the care and feeding of your baby. Do what you and your doctor decide is best for you. There's no birth certificate yet with his name on it. Until there is, you are the decider.

 
Old 10-15-2014, 06:58 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,296,531 times
Reputation: 62061
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca View Post
I was NOT saying that bottle feeding makes a person a crappy mother. I do not believe that. I was saying it's not a "choice" in the sense that one is free to make one's own choice with no consequences to others. In the same way that making any choice with consequences for others is a "choice" one CAN make, but not one that a person should feel they are free to make on the basis of nothing but personal preference. I was comparing, not equating.

No you are equating not comparing and as with all the others who have done so trying to guilt her into doing this or shaming her by telling her she will be a crappy Mother if she does not breast feed.
 
Old 10-15-2014, 07:02 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,296,531 times
Reputation: 62061
Quote:
Originally Posted by allenk893 View Post
It is NOT her baby. It is THEIR baby. Get it right. If she gets separated from her boyfriend, HE has to pay for that baby for 18 years in child support. Therefore, it's THEIR baby and he gets a say in how they choose to raise and nurture the child.

Okay, it is her and her boyfriend's baby NOT her relatives but the fact is they are still HER BOOBS and she can choose to do with HER BOOBS what she wants and he does NOT get a say in how she uses her boobs.

So you get it right and read the original post again where she is NOT asking for anyone's opinion whether she should breast feed or not.
She is merely seeking ways to STOP THOSE who are pressuring her into doing so.

Also, there he does not have to pay for said child for 18 years if he disappears, goes to jail or dies.

Last edited by Jaded; 10-17-2014 at 06:25 AM..
 
Old 10-15-2014, 07:05 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,566,968 times
Reputation: 29034
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca View Post
Breastfeeding is not something that either "is" or "is not for you." If you are having a child, then you have already committed to a lot of things that are just how having a baby works, and are not a personal choice. Breastfeeding is what you do when you have a baby - it's how the body is made and it's how the process works. Saying it's "not for you" is like saying labor is not for you, or changing diapers is not for you, or playing with the baby is not for you. Sure, you can avoid some of those things some of the time, and occasionally may need to avoid some of them, but if you choose to avoid them then one wonders why you think having a baby is for you in the first place. You should breastfeed if you have no medical reason not to - it really is better for the baby, and you have an obligation to do what is best for the baby and not what you feel like doing for no rational reason at all. The pump is another matter - if you are going to be working full time soon after the baby is born, then not pumping and switching to formula is a choice - a pump is hardly natural, and it's a great inconvenience and not always even popular. But there is no reason why you can't breastfeed for the first few weeks, and you really should at least try it that long. You really aren't being a very good mother if you can't at least try something for the well-being of your child.
GOOD HEAVENS! Tell that bolded statement to my mother who fed all her children from a bottle fifty years ago. We all turned out fine, healthy, college educated, and gainfully employed. We now support her.

No one has an "obligation" to do anything a certain way just because "it's natural." I'm surprised you also aren't berating the OP to get married because "it's the right thing to do for the well-being of your child."
 
Old 10-15-2014, 07:17 PM
 
Location: Planet Earth
2,782 posts, read 2,444,161 times
Reputation: 4982
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkheartsandrainbows View Post
i'm pregnant and once i told my baby's father i wasn't going to breastfeed he got upset w/ me.
he said, "what do you mean you won't? it's better for the baby."
now he's been bringing it up and he says he thinks I will change my mind once our child is born
but honestly i have no interest & plan on formula feeding
i think he thinks this bc his brothers wife breastfeeds, makes her own baby food etc
im not against breastfeeding or anything its just not for me.
my mom told me to just do what i want but his family are the ones that live close to me & they
are pressuring me and talking it up about how the milk is better for the baby
part of my issue is pumping… it seems awful and i googled the process and it's def not for me.
anyway once again im not against it in general but it's not for me and i feel like it's my choice to make.
i am looking for advice as to how to get them off my back.
Don't breastfeed if you don't want to! Follow your gut instinct no matter what anyone says.
 
Old 10-15-2014, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Planet Earth
2,782 posts, read 2,444,161 times
Reputation: 4982
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca View Post
Breastfeeding is not something that either "is" or "is not for you." If you are having a child, then you have already committed to a lot of things that are just how having a baby works, and are not a personal choice. Breastfeeding is what you do when you have a baby - it's how the body is made and it's how the process works. Saying it's "not for you" is like saying labor is not for you, or changing diapers is not for you, or playing with the baby is not for you. Sure, you can avoid some of those things some of the time, and occasionally may need to avoid some of them, but if you choose to avoid them then one wonders why you think having a baby is for you in the first place. You should breastfeed if you have no medical reason not to - it really is better for the baby, and you have an obligation to do what is best for the baby and not what you feel like doing for no rational reason at all. The pump is another matter - if you are going to be working full time soon after the baby is born, then not pumping and switching to formula is a choice - a pump is hardly natural, and it's a great inconvenience and not always even popular. But there is no reason why you can't breastfeed for the first few weeks, and you really should at least try it that long. You really aren't being a very good mother if you can't at least try something for the well-being of your child.
Ignore fanatics such as these when making decisions.
 
Old 10-15-2014, 07:43 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,253 posts, read 8,556,682 times
Reputation: 35693
The latest evidence shows that while there is a SLIGHT advantage for breast feeding it is pretty minimal and you'll certainly not harm your baby by using a good formula. YOU'RE the one who'll have to do it and will need to weigh all the issues of bonding versus working/sleeping (!), etc. Don't let anyone guilt you into going either way - it is a personal decision and YOURS to make.

And sorry, but I don't mean to imply that you can't bond if you don't breastfeed - there are many ways you can bond...
 
Old 10-15-2014, 07:46 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,253 posts, read 8,556,682 times
Reputation: 35693
Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann View Post
Although breastfeeding is healthier for the baby and a lot less fuss, it all boils down to being your choice. Period.

You may change your mind after the birth, but if not, stick to your guns and tell people it's none of their business.
There may be less fuss when it comes to not having to mix up formula but its a helluva lot more work for mom either being up every few hours to breastfeed or endless pumping for when she's not available. If you are able to do it, fine - but don't act like it should not be a consideration.
 
Old 10-15-2014, 07:46 PM
 
894 posts, read 840,752 times
Reputation: 2633
Ah, that's nice. No breastfeeding=crappy mother. Good to know.
 
Old 10-15-2014, 08:37 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,596,828 times
Reputation: 39866
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoFigureMeOut View Post
Ah, that's nice. No breastfeeding=crappy mother. Good to know.
Not necessarily - not breastfeeding only equals "crappy mother" if the mom is simply too lazy, uneducated or scared to even try.

SOMETIMES there are reasons not to breastfeed, or serious inability to, but there is no question it is generally better for a baby to have been breastfed.

There was even a recent study that showed that babies breastfed longer than just a few weeks at birth have higher IQ's.

I'm hoping our young OP will take the time to educate herself on all the facts and reconsider her decision

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/264080.php
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