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Old 10-15-2014, 11:46 PM
 
21 posts, read 11,780 times
Reputation: 16

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So this is a fairly long story and I guess I am looking for advice or any words of wisdom. My friend and I had a great relationship for a year or so. We lived together in a big city away from friends and family and we had each other. We loved each other and took care of each other. Im not really a assertive person though and sometimes she would want to drink and I would not but I would feel pressured to so she would be happy. I was always doing my best to keep her happy.

We moved from the big city and into a house together at our home town. I got a boyfriend (my now fiance) and him and I have had a great relationship. Before we moved back I wasnt in a relationship but he was one f the reasons I wanted to move. Before I even thought about it though I had talked to her saying these are my reasons and I want to move back. She decided she wanted to move to and I made it clear I did not want her to move because of me. She told me that wasnt the case and she had her reason (work, friends ect)

We moved and it was good for about a month. But then things changed. The place got really gross and I would be cleaning all the time. I decided to put up with it and just clean the house. I would do a big clean every three to four days. This would include washing up all the dishes because she would use them all, wiping up, putting away, moping, ceaning the lounge room. Well basicly everything. The point is she would never clean.

I brought it up and nothing would ever change. One time I was too busy to clean and I left for two more day. When I came back I walked through the door and went to the bathroom and threw up because of the smell. So yes the house used to get gross. We were in a rental and pets were not allowed. We both knew this. Well I came back one time and there was two cats and a dog. At first I was really mad because one I didnt know and two its not allowed.

I dont know why but like the cleaning I left it and told her I didnt approve and wanted them gone. But nothing changed and the cleaning became worse. She never did anything and I Became stressful. I dont know why I didnt do more I was kinda a push over. Anyway eventually she moved another girl in and I dissapproved of that and the animals and the state of the house and I was letting her know. But Im a shy and quite girl so mainly I just stayed in my room. Eventually it got worse. There started being drugs in the house. I tried to be so gentle and nice about everything and im not the type of person to get angry.

I found out because she came in my room and told me she tried it the night before while I was alseep. I got straight to the point and said, 'are you going to do it again in the house' she said yes and I said I do not want it in the house and if you do I will do something.

It continued and I didnt act. Eventually I did. I went to the realestate one day after finding out she did it again in the bathroom and the house while I was there. I filed a complaint. I told her I did too and by this time we had lived together for 8 months and the whole time all this was happening.

I got so much verbal abuse and I felt so bad. I dont know if I did the right thing. I moved all my stuff out because I was scared she would have hurt me. All my stuff is now in a shed in boxes and has been like that for 3-4 weeks. I have continued paying rent there and there are new people moving in in a couple of days so that stops. My mail still goes there because I havent redirected it and Im pretty sure she is keeping it although that is just assuming. After all the abuse we got back to communicating to talk about cleaning for the house. She wanted to sort it out and once again I backed down. I just got the bill of $400 for my share. That is also including cancellation of internet. I feel used for how nice I was about the situation but at the same time I dont know how to feel and honestly I feel like a rotten friend.

Please help. Did I do the right thing?
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Old 10-15-2014, 11:56 PM
 
Location: Windsor, Ontario, Canada
11,261 posts, read 13,518,433 times
Reputation: 13469
Did you do the right thing ie: move out?


Sure.


Redirect your mail, stop paying for stuff where you don't live, and move on with your life (you have a fiance....remember? Move in with him, perhaps? lol).
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Old 10-16-2014, 12:02 AM
 
21 posts, read 11,780 times
Reputation: 16
Haha yes him and I are moving in together very soon actually. New people are moving into the other house and I will be off the lease. I guess I feel guilty because she has told me she hates me now and I feel guilty for ruining our friendship.
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Old 10-16-2014, 12:07 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 3,185,228 times
Reputation: 4286
Have you post this before? I remember this post and I said something yesterday Or is this the episode 2?
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Old 10-16-2014, 12:11 AM
 
21 posts, read 11,780 times
Reputation: 16
No I havent post this before. I have posted before about my boyfriend and I and our rough patch but this is about my friend and I and all that has happened.
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Old 10-16-2014, 09:06 AM
 
12,534 posts, read 14,028,232 times
Reputation: 14860
Quote:
Originally Posted by BubbyBoo22 View Post
No I havent post this before. I have posted before about my boyfriend and I and our rough patch but this is about my friend and I and all that has happened.
Druggies are not good friends.

You did the right thing. Move on.
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Old 10-16-2014, 05:23 PM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,917 posts, read 7,037,482 times
Reputation: 7643
What did she do to ruin the relationship? Sloth, drugs, violating the lease terms. What did you do? Refuse to enable her irresponsible behavior. Just move on with your life.
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Old 10-16-2014, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
19,865 posts, read 57,375,094 times
Reputation: 19171
You are a wuss. You need to grow some gumption and stop letting people walk all over you.
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Old 10-16-2014, 07:08 PM
 
21 posts, read 11,780 times
Reputation: 16
Thankyou everyone. I need to be more assertive and not let people walk over me. I need to stand up for myself
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Old 10-16-2014, 07:21 PM
 
Location: here
24,841 posts, read 30,805,088 times
Reputation: 32481
Why do you think you ruined the friendship? Don't you think she had something to do with it? The part about you trying to keep her happy is very telling. Move on and stop being a doormat.
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