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Old 10-18-2014, 07:09 AM
 
1,062 posts, read 1,340,838 times
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Unfortunately; I have seen this scenario from buddies of mine and the hole guilt can burn in your heart seems almost unshakable. I believe if you set the tone and informed the CD community that you were done assisting your mother to the point of homelessness many would roast you.

I believe it's only natural to possess the urge to help your mother however you must establish a boundary just as your mother would for you if she were in the correct frame of thought. Tough love however this ensures the other party evolves.

Give mom your cut off date and feel great walking away understanding you have presented mom with aide in a time of need.
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Old 10-18-2014, 11:28 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,969 posts, read 14,170,133 times
Reputation: 4545
Quote:
Originally Posted by ApePeeD View Post
Legally, you're not obligated to take care of your mom. Morally? That's up to you to decide.
Morally, if she was mother of the year and going through a rough patch (even if due to her own choices), I'd say to help her, especially if OP wasn't a college student and was a bit older and especially if she was older. But, under these circumstances, there is zero even moral obligation IMO.
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Old 10-18-2014, 11:53 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
32,962 posts, read 19,932,262 times
Reputation: 12838
Quote:
Originally Posted by SkylightMike231 View Post
Thing is, my mom told me to help her only a few times with rent until she found something herself. But those few times turned into every month, and I'm also paying her phone bill, too! I barely have any savings because I have other expenses on top of that and time is fast approaching for me to move out. Not only that, October is ending and again she'll look to me soon for rent...

TL;DR: Should I continue to help my faraway mom pay her rent at a loss for myself or not help her and live with the guilt that I made her homeless, basically?


Thank you for your time.
My parents are very financially well off, they have helped me quite a few times financially without asking anything in return because they love me. I doubt they will ever ask my help (financially) but my parents are getting older. I don't feel "obligated" taking care of them I want to because I love them. My "help" will be more physical or emotional.

I don't think you are under any obligation helping her financially, especially when you are incapable of helping her yourself. Maybe you can help her out in other way? Helping her find a way to be a little bit more financially independent?
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Old 10-18-2014, 03:16 PM
 
Location: Oceania
8,623 posts, read 6,220,395 times
Reputation: 8318
Quote:
Originally Posted by SkylightMike231 View Post

So even though I am more than ready to pull the plug, you can see how it can be a little difficult pill to swallow.
Imagine yourself about to skydive for the first time...you jump and don't look back.
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Old 10-18-2014, 03:18 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,471 posts, read 74,358,652 times
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worst thing you can do is send money to people that cant manage money. try some other method.
talk to siblings.
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Old 10-18-2014, 08:48 PM
 
3,774 posts, read 1,993,128 times
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This is not just about money. There may be justifiable reason/s why she is like that. Do you know the problem of your parents that led to divorce?
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Old 10-19-2014, 03:24 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,322 posts, read 4,731,224 times
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OP, i have a mom who is also a leech.

CUT HER OFF.
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Old 10-19-2014, 06:48 PM
 
756 posts, read 619,540 times
Reputation: 884
Post I Want To Share This With You:

Quote:
Originally Posted by SkylightMike231 View Post
Hello, and welcome. I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but time is coming fast so I need advice (I'll tell you all in a moment).

Let me set the stage. Back when I was small and I lived with both my parents in Texas, my parents went through a divorce and my dad got custody of my sister and I and we came to live with him in Florida. My mom had only had her son from a previous relationship to be with her. Later on though, she lost him to the foster system due to neglect.

Fast forward to the present, I am 24, still in Florida. My mom, still in Texas, has fell on hard times and lived with my half-brother in his apartment. But due to her being basically a leech on him and not looking for employment or aid, he kicked her out. Soon after she got into a wreck and injured her leg. My brother took her in once again, but she did not change her behavioral patterns and he kicked her out again because he is barely making it with no help with any family.

Somehow somehow, she found a place over there and has to pay rent. With my half-bro not talking to her and with my sister not as well because of history, she set her sights on me for help. Thing is, though I am living with my dad, I am about to move out to be close to the university I got accepted into. I started working another job this May to help save for a small apartment I'll move into in December/January.

Thing is, my mom told me to help her only a few times with rent until she found something herself. But those few times turned into every month, and I'm also paying her phone bill, too! I barely have any savings because I have other expenses on top of that and time is fast approaching for me to move out. Not only that, October is ending and again she'll look to me soon for rent...

TL;DR: Should I continue to help my faraway mom pay her rent at a loss for myself or not help her and live with the guilt that I made her homeless, basically?


Thank you for your time.

Long Version:

I knew these neighbors who are bums, especially the mother. She had 8 children back in the 1980s and raised them on land without connecting the water and electricity to it. She complained about the "nosey" CPS workers and her son was thrown off the back of a truck so they could get the medical insurance scam. The women never bathed, smelled of germs, did not clean after herself, expected everybody to do everything for her and give everything to her, bossed everybody around, preached "Christianity", talked about "Colored People", had these expensive breed of dogs that look like foxes, Tied To Their Yard, raided every food pantry they knew about, and I am sure they had terrible credit but even more weird is that they have bank accounts are overdraft for years. (How is that possible?! ) but I she put her cell phone on speakerphone a few times where she seemed to call the bank and asking "When am I allowed to overdraft again?"

She has a brother who constantly fixed the computers she smashed, for free.

I met a few of her eight children.

The daughter with the least contact with her is the most successful and is absolutely nothing like her.

Now as for the daughter with the most contact with her:

This woman is almost identical to her mother. She is a gold digger who married this lonely man for his money, she was lazy, never bathed, the house was FILTHY, similar dogs,

and she paid her mother's rent.

Short Version:

Would your mother do the same for you if you lost your job? NO! So stop paying her rent! (and be careful, or you might turn into your mother.)
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Old 10-20-2014, 04:39 PM
 
137 posts, read 131,171 times
Reputation: 215
To afoigrokerkok:

And you didn't read my post. My Mom passed away so it was no longer necessary for me to help her out.
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Old 10-20-2014, 06:52 PM
 
16,025 posts, read 19,558,684 times
Reputation: 26184
You obviously feel compelled to continue to help her. That is your choice, and doing so, as long as it doesn't cost you your school or food....is likely what you'll do. Sometimes logic is not as strong as our emotional ties. It may also be easier for her to manipulate you, because all sh had to do was call you occasionally, not to say that your Mom didn't rally love you....she likely does. It is just that what she is ding seems a bit like emotional black mail.....Your half brother dealt with her in person....maybe you should talk to him, he may have some insights.
I hope you figure this out before it becomes a total detriment to your own future. Good luck to you.
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