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View Poll Results: How do you feel about your social life?
I am actually overwhelmed with my social obligations and really don't have room for more social contacts.. 17 14.41%
My social network is good but I could always use more friends and/or a significant other. 23 19.49%
My social life could use some significant improvement, with more friends and/or a SO. 44 37.29%
My social life sucks. I need many more friends and/or an SO to get me to where I want to be. 34 28.81%
Voters: 118. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 10-19-2014, 03:05 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,322 posts, read 4,734,007 times
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Literally every single one of my friends had kids this past 2 years and I feel I've been intentionally cut off (in fact, I know I have.)

I am single F in 30s, estranged from all abusive family and children free. I miss having friends very much. But my depression inertia sets in and I'm out. Not making efforts.
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Old 10-19-2014, 03:50 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,661,889 times
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I did not vote in the poll because of the contradiction between the meaning of the thread title question and the question which appears above the poll questions. The former asks about loneliness and the latter asks about our social life. The implication is that the less active one's social life is, the more lonely one is. While that is true for many people, it doesn't necessarily follow for all people.

Some people are quite content (i.e., do not feel lonely) even if they have only a very modestly active social life. That is, a little goes a long way for such people and they do not feel the desire to have constant interaction with other people.

This is on a continuum and continuums have two extremes. At the extreme "social" end, people have to have someone else (and preferably a bunch of other people) around almost all the time. They cannot tolerate being alone.

At the "loner" extreme, people actually prefer being alone almost all the time and do not enjoy interacting with others at all. These people are not experiencing "loneliness" as most of would think of it and as we might expect them to experience.

Most of us are somewhere near the middle of the continuum. The poll is directed at those who are dissatisfied with their social lives (except that those choosing the first poll option are content with theirs) and suffers from the bias of the relative "social" end of the continuum as I described it. In other words, "more" is not necessarily better for many people, for whom a moderate, or even modest social life is perfect. But the way the poll questions are worded does not allow for that attitude.
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Old 10-19-2014, 04:57 AM
'M'
 
Location: Glendale Country Club
1,818 posts, read 2,605,219 times
Reputation: 2546
There is an internal battle going on inside me regarding this issue...which is a good one, I might add. Loneliness has nothing to do with being in a situation where I am actually living with people in a household. It has everything to do with what is going on inside me. Having an SO will resolve nothing unless we are 'right' with ourselves, unfortunately. This is a complex question that depends on many factors. I look forward to hearing from others.
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Old 10-19-2014, 08:17 AM
 
26,579 posts, read 52,055,370 times
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I do feel the loss of friends... I've always been the "Kid" and many of my closest friends are much older and lost about half of them the last 10 years...

No time to be lonely...
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Old 10-19-2014, 10:35 AM
 
7,317 posts, read 11,484,879 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 'M' View Post
There is an internal battle going on inside me regarding this issue...which is a good one, I might add. Loneliness has nothing to do with being in a situation where I am actually living with people in a household. It has everything to do with what is going on inside me. Having an SO will resolve nothing unless we are 'right' with ourselves, unfortunately. This is a complex question that depends on many factors. I look forward to hearing from others.
That is why I said married people and even people with kids should answer.

What I was really trying to find out is how many people are open to meeting new people whether as a friend or partner.

Personally, I feel most of the people I come across have full plates, but I guess it's not true.
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Old 10-19-2014, 11:22 AM
Status: " la recherche d'un emploi" (set 18 days ago)
 
Location: South Bay Native
13,308 posts, read 21,866,149 times
Reputation: 23368
Quote:
Originally Posted by 'M' View Post
There is an internal battle going on inside me regarding this issue...which is a good one, I might add. Loneliness has nothing to do with being in a situation where I am actually living with people in a household. It has everything to do with what is going on inside me. Having an SO will resolve nothing unless we are 'right' with ourselves, unfortunately. This is a complex question that depends on many factors. I look forward to hearing from others.
I agree - loneliness isn't related to how much time you have to socialize or how many people surround your everyday life.

I have been without a life partner for nearly nine years now, but I'm not lonely. I've stated on CDF many times - better to be alone, than with the wrong one for you. I learned after the end of my marriage that I simply must avoid negative energy people in order to keep from falling down the rabbit hole myself.

Without someone filling the 'SO' role, one can invest plenty of time in personal development. I've got a lot of 'catching up' to do, and the results have definitely justified the sacrifices and challenges thus far. Some things are just not meant to be, and when one is trying to fit the square peg into the round hole, it's time to step back and look at things with fresh eyes.
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Old 10-19-2014, 03:09 PM
 
6,095 posts, read 6,297,794 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by John13 View Post
Except it's dangerous drug that probably should have never been made legal in the first place.

I don't want to hang with people like that. I'd rather have no friends at all than be around that stuff.
It is not dangerous in and of itself. It is only dangerous when you make it a forbidden fruit to immature Gen Y kids who should not have been allowed to graduate middle school let alone be allowed into University.

Get rid of the drinking age, you take away that rite of passage. Being drunk wont seem cool anymore. It would be looked at as childish.
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Old 10-19-2014, 03:13 PM
 
Location: SC
8,774 posts, read 5,608,950 times
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I certainly would like to find the right person to compliment my life, but that doesn't make me lonely. I keep my life filled with other joys. I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person.
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Old 10-19-2014, 03:35 PM
 
756 posts, read 619,935 times
Reputation: 884
Exclamation I Hate My Life:

Once I get out of land I will be old. I am a youthful person that likes to be athletic and play sports or just work together being productive. But as soon as people become adults they IMMEDIATELY get into this mid life crisis. They throw their lives away and start smoking and drinking (if they haven't done so already) and now the definition of being "outgoing" is "partying". then they realize their life sucks even more they spent all that time drinking and smoking and then they act like grouchy old hermit crabs. Many even go to jail and become low lives.

And then people have dogs, just because everybody else has one. So I don't like going to other people's houses. Or they are religious, and I am not and never will be.

The-people-that-raised-me were very abusive so I decided to have no relatives either.

As a result, even if I had friends, they would not understand me. I pull myself together on my own and it always seems like other people have more money than me or at least were raised better. That they had many more opportunities growing up even being able to go to the dentist. People don't understand why I am so budget conscious, and I really hope they have never seen my teeth. I don't care if Michael Strahan has imperfect teeth. Most of the world isn't Michael Strahan lol.

I currently have no contact with anybody. Similar to a politician who resigned to campaign for a different political office. I have isolated my self 110% now to devote my life to saving money to get out of land.

When I finally get out of land and return to the city where I was born I will try to attend university. Perhaps I will find some friends who aren't a bunch of stupid pot head drunks.

But probably not and then I will always be alone, become extremely old, and die.
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Old 10-19-2014, 03:44 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,255 posts, read 7,860,746 times
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I think the only time I feel lonely is around the holidays. John's sister is terminally ill so he will be spending Thanksgiving with his family. I would rather drink arsenic then go. I'll just go to work and spend it with my work family. I remember one Halloween passing out candy alone because John was on duty and feeling bad about it. Then I got this brilliant idea that I would have a Halloween party every year. It started with a hand full of friends and quickly ballooned out of control. There's usually 25 kids running through the house and as many adults. One year we had 70 people. One day it will just be the two of us handing out candy and reminiscing about the good old days when the house was alive with activity. Until then I'll just enjoy the fun and wish I had time to be lonely.
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