Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a bad habit of holding a grudge against the person I hate for too long. Sometimes the reason is big, sometimes it is a very trivial matter. How can you deal with this bad habit ?
You can just stop caring about it. In the end, the only person a grudge is hurting is you. They'll be going on with their life while you're still mad. It's amazing how people can hold a grudge for 20 years and the one they're holding it against doesn't remember the incident, don't know you're holding a grudge or don't care that you do.
I have a bad habit of holding a grudge against the person I hate for too long. Sometimes the reason is big, sometimes it is a very trivial matter. How can you deal with this bad habit ?
Perhaps rather than focusing on curtailing the length of the emotion - you focus on what gets you there in the first place. I have never "hated" anyone in my life - even those that have done me wrong. If you did not get to the stage of "hate" in the first place you would not have the issue of the emotion lingering longer than you wish.
Vipassana meditation - mindfulness as it is called - is certainly a useful tool to help one deal with observing ones own emotions - their cause - and their resolution - all in a healthy fashion.
Holding a grudge doesn't have to be a big deal. Don't let all these naysayers try and convince you that holding a grudge is bad for your health, or that it's hurting you, or that you have to forgive. You don't owe anything to anyone and it is up to you if you don't want to forgive. But you do have to know how to handle it.
If you are thinking about this adversary day and night, then it probably isn't good for you. Negative feelings, generally, can have an affect on the way you do things or your general outlook. You have to learn how to put this person out of your life and thought process and deal only with them only when/if you have to.
For instance, I'm still holding a grudge against my old college buddy (10 yrs now). His bad attitude and temper is what led me to forever be his nemesis. We have friends in common although I'm almost sure most, of not all, are no longer friends with him for same reason. Back then if there was a get-together all our friends knew that if he was there I either wouldn't show or show for long because of him. They also knew not to invite him if I was hosting the get together. When I partnered in a pub/bar, security knew not to let him inside. I made the decision to never to be his friend/acquaintance again and put him out of my life altogether. If I won the lottery today, he wouldn't get $5 if it meant his life. I will not, and would not, accept his apology.
Only thing, is that I never think about him or the circumstances that led to this. This is way past me and I have bigger things to concern my life with than an old enemy. If I should hear about him through conversation and how he's not doing any better than before it'll add a smirk to my face but life is too good to think about these POS'.
Holding a grudge long-term is just letting them live in your head rent-free with all the bitterness that entails. Why saddle yourself with that? Feeling anger and imagining up all sorts of revenge and re-living the hurt over and over again? Dump it. It's not like it's doing you any good at all. Why do you want to feel all that hate? Why live with the bitterness of it? Why not be at peace with yourself?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
