U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-19-2014, 05:52 PM
 
342 posts, read 345,568 times
Reputation: 338

Advertisements

OPTION 1
You can do the fade out.
1)The other person either doesn't notice, bcs they really are that clueless or they really really don't give a hoot. At some point they circle back around. Or they don't.
OR
2) they DO notice and they are left wondering what the heck happened. In which case they circle back around, or they don't.

Not necessarily satisfying, but definitely conflict free, more or less. Out of sight, out of mind. Leaves the opportunity to reconnect at a later time.

If they circle back around:

1) You act like nothing is wrong
OR
2) You tell them why you disappeared.

OPTION 2

You block them, delete them, wait for them to notice. When they finally notice they are like "WTF??"
Seems like a childish and passive-aggressive tactic, but I can see how it might make you feel more in control of the situation.

OPTION 3

You tell them why you are ending the friendship.

1)They are clueless and try to make it better

2) They think you are jerk or a high maintenance drama queen, the friendship is over. Do you feel better? Hard to know.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-19-2014, 06:52 PM
 
Location: Where the sun always shines
1,955 posts, read 2,564,763 times
Reputation: 3621
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fairfax Mom View Post
I had an old friend that just de-friended me on facebook - when I facebooked her to ask her why I found out I was blocked. I think this is a very cowardly way to end a friendship. I even called her and left a voice message on her phone -still no reply. Makes me very made and makes her look like a spoiled baby.

At least be a real woman/man and tell the person why you are cutting ties with them.
You dont always owe it to people to tell them you want out. You do things like not respond or defriend on FB and hopefully they take the hint. .

Last edited by jacktravern; 10-19-2014 at 06:53 PM.. Reason: Repeated the same sentence
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-19-2014, 08:22 PM
 
Location: MID ATLANTIC
7,723 posts, read 18,519,853 times
Reputation: 8382
+1 to Jack

Why is it up to me to set someone straight? Same situation here, highly toxic situation, borderline vicious, using poor health as an excuse for bad behavior. We all teach those around us what behavior we will accept. This friend is in the hospital now, I feel rotten, but to go running back is saying it's okay, go ahead and say mean things about me while on the phone talking to someone and then mock me to my face. I wouldn't let my ex treat me like that, I sure as **** am not going to let anyone else treat me like that.

I need to accept this friendship has died, I no longer can be the friend she needs right now.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-19-2014, 08:39 PM
 
828 posts, read 696,977 times
Reputation: 2181
I think it is is interesting that we advise people to drop friends if they feel the friendship has reached a standstill, but there are people on this thread complaining about those who dropped them!

If it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander!

A couple of posters on here write that they felt they were making all the effort in the friendship, and when they stopped, the other person didn't suddenly see the light and try to entice the friendship back. One poster wrote that she broke up with a friend, and "never heard from her again". Uh...you broke up with her! You expected her to come chasing you or something? Frankly, a couple of the posters complaining about their friends (all over city-data) sound pretty annoying themselves! I know we don't know each other here on the internet, but what makes some posters think they're right to be annoyed by their friends, but the friends don't have a right to be annoyed by them?

Interesting blind spots we have about ourselves!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2014, 12:03 AM
 
722 posts, read 914,015 times
Reputation: 992
stop communication, screen all phone calls before answering and avoid talking to them, also change habits and dont go to any public places they might also go

just dont talk to them anymore
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2014, 12:27 AM
 
8,538 posts, read 7,080,327 times
Reputation: 8973
Yup.

case 1:
- Close female friend, always plutonic but she would occasionally tell me about her love life.
- Progressively talk turned more and more to her "desires" in life.
- I would listen so she could feel heard....I always assumed that's what she wanted I'm tell me the things she did.
- Cut to her getting married a few years later.
- She is happy from what i can tell, mostly disappears out of my life at this point and I'm happy for her.
- Starts talking fairly regularly again after married life settles in with her.
- ....tells me about affairs she has had like it's just nothing
- ....starts telling me she has always wanted to know what I was like in bed

I haven't talked to her ever since. I communicated to her lines where crossed and I had no real intention to keep communication open with her from that point on and left it at that.


Case 2:
- Father in law.
- Joined Mona vie/whatever it's current life motivations tie in scam business it currently is.
- Preaches to everyone attempting to get them folded in to the company and praises the changes in his life it has made.
- He has made no changes in his life.
- Lazy, selfish, rude...basically the opposite of what he claims "the business" has done for him.
- Sits on ipad all day reading "verified" news sources from "the business" while taking 90 selfies a day to post on Facebook in between picking political fights.
- Wife supports him.
- Recently lost home due to wife losing job and his refusal to get one of his own. "The business" is his job yet it hasn't paid returns to him since he has been with it.
- Money being spent on "the business" is always more important than anything. CDs, books, travel expenses to see mandatory seminars across the country and tickets to the venues.

I could go on, especially about the business he is involved in and how it's affected his family but it's honestly a waste of time.

I stopped associating with him when he told myself and my wife her sister was a better human being because she was open to joining the business along with some other choice blunders that blatantly bashed his own wife.

Knowing he is beyond reason at this point I never said a word to him, I just don't put myself in situations that involve him. If as a family we are forced in to those circumstances I simply don't communicate with him, if talked to I will respond like I do to any other human in a friendly manner but keep personal out of it.

Outside of these two situations I have never had a relationship with another that needed defined lines drawn.

Last edited by rego00123; 10-20-2014 at 12:39 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2014, 11:20 AM
 
917 posts, read 1,045,780 times
Reputation: 940
Quote:
Originally Posted by RosemaryT View Post
LOL!

I had a woman "friend" tell me that I was a mean-spirited b*tch and that she never wanted to hear from me again.

I would have preferred an email.

BTW, she was very religious and ended the relationship because I was freshly divorced. True story.
I had someone cut me off because she was very religious and couldnt associate with someone who supported gay rights like I did. Said she'd pray for my soul since I was going to hell.

(Note, she knew about my view on gay rights when I posted a congrats status on Facebook to my guy best friend who got married (and is gay)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-22-2014, 06:52 AM
 
Location: MID ATLANTIC
7,723 posts, read 18,519,853 times
Reputation: 8382
Quote:
Originally Posted by wonderwall View Post
I think it is is interesting that we advise people to drop friends if they feel the friendship has reached a standstill, but there are people on this thread complaining about those who dropped them!

If it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander!

A couple of posters on here write that they felt they were making all the effort in the friendship, and when they stopped, the other person didn't suddenly see the light and try to entice the friendship back. One poster wrote that she broke up with a friend, and "never heard from her again". Uh...you broke up with her! You expected her to come chasing you or something? Frankly, a couple of the posters complaining about their friends (all over city-data) sound pretty annoying themselves! I know we don't know each other here on the internet, but what makes some posters think they're right to be annoyed by their friends, but the friends don't have a right to be annoyed by them?

Interesting blind spots we have about ourselves!
I don't know about being one sided in this situation and I don't even begin to try who makes the most effort, but when one person is toxic as the OP expresses, and that person only has negative things to say, whether about them or others, it's a matter of preserving one's own mental health and time to cut the cord. This type of toxic individual is narcissistic and will never understand what you are trying to say to them. Unfortunately, when it's a very close friend or relative, you tolerate the behavior far longer than you should. An example (and possibly more common than not) the toxic person is bipolar.

Your bff that you had a spat with and you won't agree on who was wrong is not a toxic friendship. We are talking toxic, high drama, time-consuming individuals.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-22-2014, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Wastelands
251 posts, read 231,147 times
Reputation: 399
Quote:
Originally Posted by melissapla12 View Post
Have you ever cut someone from your life? Why did you do it and how?

There's someone in my life who I truly do care about but it seems to be a one way street where I am the only one trying to communicate, see how theyre doing, etc..

I feel as if Im better off cutting ties and moving on...I tend to overreact about these things so Im not sure at this point..

Do I just stop all communication without saying anything? or say my goodbyes and be done with it?
-You could avoid phone calls.
-Not answer the door.
-Tell the person out right.
-Change your phone number.
-If you're in a situation where you see this person often, (lets say job or something) act distant/cold. Do the same even if you just happen to run into said person and don't have to see everyday.

Once I actually changed locations. These will work no matter how long you knew the person.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-22-2014, 07:59 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,485 posts, read 74,383,428 times
Reputation: 47875
its easy all you have to do is understand 1 thing
a snake eating a frog is not having a relationship
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:56 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top