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Old 10-22-2014, 08:29 PM
Status: "Not quite my tempo" (set 23 days ago)
 
Location: Bran's tree
10,962 posts, read 4,818,420 times
Reputation: 12349

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I would just leave her be and give her space. Speaking for myself, sometimes I want to be socially engaged, other times I want some space. I don't have a problem going through stretches of time without being in touch with someone, I just pick up where we left off whenever we do connect again. I have other friends and other things going on.
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Old 10-23-2014, 10:01 AM
 
3,947 posts, read 4,113,819 times
Reputation: 4711
Quote:
Originally Posted by melissapla12 View Post
Have you ever cut someone from your life? Why did you do it and how?

There's someone in my life who I truly do care about but it seems to be a one way street where I am the only one trying to communicate, see how theyre doing, etc..

I feel as if Im better off cutting ties and moving on...I tend to overreact about these things so Im not sure at this point..

Do I just stop all communication without saying anything? or say my goodbyes and be done with it?
I had to recently. I couldn't stand the erratic behavior and over-the-top constant gossip and negativity.. I briefly replied, but stopped replying back.. no need to make a scene about it.

I don't think it's healthy to keep toxic relationships in your life, and I don't think you need to keep dead relationships around either.. You can wish the person luck, but why have people around who sap your energy?

If someone hurts you or you just don't see eye-to-eye, best to not prolong the inevitable.. letting go!

Life is about letting go, in general, to a certain extent. Maybe not the memories, but the clinging and holding to, which causes more suffering and unnecessary pain, I think. Let go with love.
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Old 10-23-2014, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Syracuse IS Central New York.
8,516 posts, read 3,941,136 times
Reputation: 4021
This is a great thread because I am going through this right now and feel very stressed over it.

A long time friend from college, over 30 years, has always kept in touch. She and I are not local, live about 300 miles apart, and only see her 4-5 years at the most.I have always been her "problem solver". To make a long story short, I took care of my ailing mother for a number of years, she would call me about every two weeks to see how things were going, and to drop all of her problems on me. Sometimes it was a nice distraction, sometimes not.

After my mother died five years ago, I went back to college, got a new career, became active in church activities, reconnected to local friends and neighbors, reconnected to old friends and classmates via Facebook, and became involved in a romantic relationship. My sense is that she resents a lot of this, and thought she would be my "BEST/ONLY" friend after my mother died. I can hear her seething when I talk about what's going on in my life. I'm actually in a pretty good place right now, and am happy.

She calls me frequently. I never call her, and haven't in years, so she never has gotten that message. She can call me on a Sunday, and the call will last over an hour and will call me back on Monday "just to say hello". I have these calls to voicemail. She will call me multiple times a week, leaving multiple voicemails and hangups. Sometimes up to 8 a day., which a screaming voicemail as to where am I. Last weekend she left 5 voicemails. I responded to none of them. I try to spread my contact with her to around 3-4 weeks, and give her the excuse that I'm busy. I work overnights, so my phone is set to do not disturb, no ringing.

I feel like she borderline stalks me with all of these calls. She wants details of my schedule to try to reach me, and I refuse to give her my cell number which makes her angry. She will call me just as I'm getting ready for work or when I'm at church. Neither time I'm available.

The nature of her calls have become increasingly upsetting to me. She never fails to bring up something that she knows I struggle with, that she has an easy time with, and it feels like she's rubbing my nose in it. She is nosy, wants my financial details, gives me too much info on hers in an effort to make me open up on mine. A few weeks ago, she was whining about not having any family living near her. I am an only child of an only child, I have very little biological family alive or dead, so I have created my own sense of family with friends. I lost it with her, and shouted at her to knock it off, and how do you think I do it, I AM AN ONLY CHILD OF AN ONLY CHILD! She spit back an insult concerning my dead parents, that maybe if they had tried to stay in touch with family, I'd have some today. I should have ended it right there, but was so angry I wanted to calm down first. My parents had been always kind to her, offered her hospitality in the past, and she says this. There are many other examples I could give, this is just one of the more recent ones.

A friend of mine listened to my rant/rave about her and asked me a series of important questions: 1. If you met this person today, would you be friends? My response: NO! I'd run the other way. 2. Why not? She's obnoxious (she's told me that she likes to be obnoxious!), overbearing, intrusive/nosy, and overall abrasive.3. Then why is she still in your life? Response: Old times sake. But frequent calls are not old times sake. (She does not do Facebook, thank God!)

I know what I need to do, get her out of my life, but hate hurting someone. It's hurting my own health by raising my own stress level, while making her feel better at my expense. My SO has wanted her out for a while now, as he can see how upsetting her calls make me.(Oh she and her husband grill me why I'm not getting married to my SO. None of their damn business!) I'm trying to figure out how to do this without causing needless pain, but I don't think she can get the message unless I do cause her pain. I gather that her siblings have already pushed her out of their lives for the most part due to stress in their lives.

Writing this has been very therapeutic for me, and I feel stronger to do what needs to be done.
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