U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-24-2014, 01:51 PM
 
Location: Candy Kingdom
3,228 posts, read 2,840,971 times
Reputation: 5187

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
so If "Oh, I'd love to, but .." Actually means "hell no!" how would you express it if you REALLY wanted to go but for some reason couldn't?

Guys, say what you mean and don't confuse people and then complain that they don't go away. I don't find him creepy or stalkerish at all. You always say YES, BUT ... instead of just NO.
I say the same thing if I really want to go, but can't. Actually, I told him flat out no the first time and he asked me why. So I said, "I have work." and it snowballed from there, so that's why I said, "I'd love to go, but I really can't because..." It's like he can't comprehend a simple no. That's very scary in my book, very scary. I wanted to be friends with him, but he's too clingy... way too clingy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-24-2014, 01:59 PM
 
4,772 posts, read 6,567,260 times
Reputation: 6763
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessxwrites89 View Post
I say the same thing if I really want to go, but can't. Actually, I told him flat out no the first time and he asked me why. So I said, "I have work." and it snowballed from there, so that's why I said, "I'd love to go, but I really can't because..." It's like he can't comprehend a simple no. That's very scary in my book, very scary. I wanted to be friends with him, but he's too clingy... way too clingy.
Yeah, those kind of people make it very hard for you to just say no and be done with it. They have no concept of social boundaries. The story about his sister having to tell him to get out of the girl's space is creepy.

Is it possible he's mentally challenged in some way?

No matter, your decision to block him is the right one. Let's hope he doesn't have enough funds to be able to make trips to where you are and bother you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Candy Kingdom
3,228 posts, read 2,840,971 times
Reputation: 5187
Quote:
Originally Posted by Luvvarkansas View Post
Yeah, those kind of people make it very hard for you to just say no and be done with it. They have no concept of social boundaries. The story about his sister having to tell him to get out of the girl's space is creepy.

Is it possible he's mentally challenged in some way?

No matter, your decision to block him is the right one. Let's hope he doesn't have enough funds to be able to make trips to where you are and bother you.
I'm not sure... he didn't seem like he did... but he rambled that night. I wasn't paying attention, honestly... I was on cloud 9 from meeting the group I have loved since I was a teen. It's been my dream since I was 14 to meet that group and I did. So the fact he said, "we had something going that night" was entirely false. I did talk to him a bit, but I wasn't really paying attention to him at all. I was too engrossed on the concert and I liked talking to the girl (at the time, I thought it was his girlfriend... so I didn't bother with him... he said it was his sister) and I talked to other people around me at the intermission... not so much him. Maybe he is.

I hope not, I really hope not. He told me he had two jobs, but everyday he'd text me around 5 pm and said he just got up, then he was heading to work. I remember him yelling at me when I had to go to bed. He said, "Why? It's so dang early! It's 10 pm!" I replied, "Dude, I have a life. Bye." It's bizarre. He doesn't know exactly where I live, thank goodness and I never post my last name on the web, so I don't think he can find me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 03:28 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
15,941 posts, read 12,715,779 times
Reputation: 31126
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessxwrites89 View Post
I say the same thing if I really want to go, but can't. Actually, I told him flat out no the first time and he asked me why. So I said, "I have work." and it snowballed from there, so that's why I said, "I'd love to go, but I really can't because..." It's like he can't comprehend a simple no. That's very scary in my book, very scary. I wanted to be friends with him, but he's too clingy... way too clingy.



Where I come from, people say NO and mean it. And and no YES, BUT's and mean the same as NO AND YES. THat just doesn't make sense.

If a guy is really interested nowadays, he gets accused of being scary (so what exactly was so scary?) and stalkerish (did he hang out in front of your house at night??) and creepy.

I find it a shame that guys don't fight for women anymore. And I guess people like you are the reason.

I miss the times where guys were more stubborn and tried to wow me. Now they need to go away to seem normal if you say "I would LOVE to, but ..".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 03:30 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
15,941 posts, read 12,715,779 times
Reputation: 31126
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessxwrites89 View Post
I'm not sure... he didn't seem like he did... but he rambled that night. I wasn't paying attention, honestly... I was on cloud 9 from meeting the group I have loved since I was a teen. It's been my dream since I was 14 to meet that group and I did. So the fact he said, "we had something going that night" was entirely false. I did talk to him a bit, but I wasn't really paying attention to him at all. I was too engrossed on the concert and I liked talking to the girl (at the time, I thought it was his girlfriend... so I didn't bother with him... he said it was his sister) and I talked to other people around me at the intermission... not so much him. Maybe he is.

I hope not, I really hope not. He told me he had two jobs, but everyday he'd text me around 5 pm and said he just got up, then he was heading to work. I remember him yelling at me when I had to go to bed. He said, "Why? It's so dang early! It's 10 pm!" I replied, "Dude, I have a life. Bye." It's bizarre. He doesn't know exactly where I live, thank goodness and I never post my last name on the web, so I don't think he can find me.
He called you and yelled at you or he just sent a text?

I think you are making a big thing out of nothing, overanalyzing and showing a not very nice personality..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 03:33 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
15,941 posts, read 12,715,779 times
Reputation: 31126
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessxwrites89 View Post
Hi y'all,

Last Saturday I went to a concert and had a great time. I met some wonderful people and we all exchanged numbers. I'm finding this one person is a little clingy. He says, "I think you're really pretty and I thought we totally had a thing going on Saturday." Uh, no... I thought he was nice, but I wasn't romantically attracted. Well, on Tuesday he wanted me to take a train three hours away to visit him so he could take me to dinner and I said absolutely not. I wasn't traveling to be alone with someone I hardly know. He understood, but now he's saying, "Me and my sister are most likely seeing the band on Monday in Buffalo! You should take off work and come!" I said, "I'd love to, but I just can't take off work. I sorta need the money... I sorta have bills to pay and I just can't take off work to travel 8 hours, on Amtrak which is expensive, to see a band, even though I love that band." He said, "Aww, you can do it! Dang, even for them, though?! You're so lame!" I just said, "Look, stop it. I love that band, but my school loan comes first. I don't want to fall behind and ruin my credit. Besides, I'm saving to move. Once I get a second job, if they aren't in Philly, but closer than Buffalo, I will see them but right now I can't." He hasn't replied. I think I'm just going to ignore him... I hate being guilted into things and I hate it seeming like I'm a fake fan. I'm not, I just have other things going on right now... but I think that's true for most people... most don't have the funds to travel everywhere to see things they like. He can't also seem to get through his head that I'm not interested in him. I would prefer friendship, but right now it seems like he's not a person to even be friends with. Would ignoring be best?
You should have said right there "NO, we didn't". Over and out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Candy Kingdom
3,228 posts, read 2,840,971 times
Reputation: 5187
oh-eve, he's creepy because I had a very traumatic experience with a guy like him who wouldn't take no for an answer. It didn't start out as "yes, but" I told him flatly "NO, I AM NOT GOING" and he asked why and I told him and he pushed and pushed until I finally said, "I would love to go, but I can't" and gave him the reasons. I told him no, I would love to go, but no. He asked why and I told him, he told me to skip work without calling, I told him I couldn't and he asked me why. Then he said, "so you wouldn't go for the band?" That's when I said, "Yes, I would love to, but I can't." I didn't start out saying, "Yes, but" it started out as "No." Just like everything else he's asked me. He's too clingy way too soon and it's creepy to me, especially when I told him I wasn't interested in him and I'm not interested in a relationship with anyone.

He didn't call, but his texts revealed anger of "Why are you going to bed?" Why, I'm tired. Like I said, I had a very traumatic experience with a person like him. I avoid those types of personalities.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 03:36 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
15,941 posts, read 12,715,779 times
Reputation: 31126
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessxwrites89 View Post
oh-eve, he's creepy because I had a very traumatic experience with a guy like him who wouldn't take no for an answer. It didn't start out as "yes, but" I told him flatly "NO, I AM NOT GOING" and he asked why and I told him and he pushed and pushed until I finally said, "I would love to go, but I can't" and gave him the reasons. I told him no, I would love to go, but no. He asked why and I told him, he told me to skip work without calling, I told him I couldn't and he asked me why. Then he said, "so you wouldn't go for the band?" That's when I said, "Yes, I would love to, but I can't." I didn't start out saying, "Yes, but" it started out as "No." Just like everything else he's asked me. He's too clingy way too soon and it's creepy to me, especially when I told him I wasn't interested in him and I'm not interested in a relationship with anyone.
It's not his fault that you had this experience. And you wouldn't keep having these experiences if you would just say " NO. BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO". Maybe you should practicing NO in front of a mirror.

When he didn't take no for an answer (I bet he just wanted to know a reason) you could have just said "I don't want to go out with you" or "I have a bf" or "I just met somebody ...".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 03:37 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
15,941 posts, read 12,715,779 times
Reputation: 31126
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessxwrites89 View Post
oh-eve, he's creepy because I had a very traumatic experience with a guy like him who wouldn't take no for an answer. It didn't start out as "yes, but" I told him flatly "NO, I AM NOT GOING" and he asked why and I told him and he pushed and pushed until I finally said, "I would love to go, but I can't" and gave him the reasons. I told him no, I would love to go, but no. He asked why and I told him, he told me to skip work without calling, I told him I couldn't and he asked me why. Then he said, "so you wouldn't go for the band?" That's when I said, "Yes, I would love to, but I can't." I didn't start out saying, "Yes, but" it started out as "No." Just like everything else he's asked me. He's too clingy way too soon and it's creepy to me, especially when I told him I wasn't interested in him and I'm not interested in a relationship with anyone.

He didn't call, but his texts revealed anger of "Why are you going to bed?" Why, I'm tired. Like I said, I had a very traumatic experience with a person like him. I avoid those types of personalities.
I get those texts all the time. Thats normal.

If you avoid these kinds of people, maybe you shouldn't give them your number.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 05:55 PM
 
Location: Candy Kingdom
3,228 posts, read 2,840,971 times
Reputation: 5187
Well, he thought this other guy at the concert (I thought he was cute) was my bf, but I stupidly said no. Thes only reason he got my number was to pay me back because he said he needed a number for that. I have never used Western Union and well, I wanted him to pay me back. Looks like that will not happen.

I told him to back off and he still would not listen. He is blocked now. I know what happened to me is not his fault, when red flags are presented to me, I back away. Moving too fast is a red flag and neither is listening to me.

Sorry for the typos. I forgot my laptop and on my phone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top