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Old 10-29-2014, 06:27 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,090 posts, read 45,584,713 times
Reputation: 61691

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bmachina View Post
Wow, I'm surprised to see so many hateful comments here directed at the guests.

I was raised to treat guests in your home with great hospitality. I would NEVER expect them to buy their own food, do chores, or pick up kids from school. They can lounge on the couch eating bon bons for a week for all I care; it's their vacation/trip/visit.

When my in laws or other guests are here, I wait on them hand and foot to make sure they enjoy their stay. This includes, grocery shopping for extra special foods, cooking gourmet meals, making sure they have an extra comfortable guest room, always refilling their drinks, etc. I cook all the meals, clean all the dishes and cater to them. I even buy locally made gifts for them to take home - things that are special to my area that they cannot find back home, as a parting gift/care package. I even do their laundry the night before they leave, so they don't have to return home tired with bags of dirty clothes.

To each his own I guess /shrug.
I am like you, bmachina. I like to pamper my guests. The OP is a man who feels put out, so I guess there might be other issues at play.

It makes me wonder, though, does the Op's family ever visit the parents? It would be pretty funny if the family decided to visit the parents for a week, and just sit around and be waited on.
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Old 10-29-2014, 06:45 AM
 
13,219 posts, read 17,758,482 times
Reputation: 19874
Quote:
Originally Posted by scottrod View Post
Ha ha, good idea!



I believe my wife tries, but her mom gives her a guilt trip that she is an elder and that I should just deal with how her mom behaves. When my wife has had issues with my parents, I talk to my parents and resolve it. My parents understand and change the behavior. I don't understand why some people think older people are untouchable either. I definitely treat older people with more respect out of general courtesy (I have an old woman who was a complete stranger a ride home from a doctor's office after she was waiting for a cab for over 45 minutes. She wanted to pay me, but I refused). This woman wanted to pay me for my kindness and for helping her out. I respected that and was happy to help her because she wanted to repay me for my kindness. My relationship with my in laws is different. I will give and give and they will only take. When they do give back it is a whole to do.

When my in laws are at my house I try to avoid them because my MIL will want to talk my ear off and the conversation tends to focus about money or how much something costs and because she likes to get close to me (close talker) I try to avoid it. My FIL is a generally nice person and if it were not for my MIL I would have an excellent relationship with him. I just have a hard time understanding why he puts up with being a door mat.
You talk to your parents when your wife has an issue with them. ???
You do not give. You expect payment in return.
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Old 10-29-2014, 07:14 AM
 
10 posts, read 17,364 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bmachina View Post
Wow, I'm surprised to see so many hateful comments here directed at the guests.

I was raised to treat guests in your home with great hospitality. I would NEVER expect them to buy their own food, do chores, or pick up kids from school. They can lounge on the couch eating bon bons for a week for all I care; it's their vacation/trip/visit.

When my in laws or other guests are here, I wait on them hand and foot to make sure they enjoy their stay. This includes, grocery shopping for extra special foods, cooking gourmet meals, making sure they have an extra comfortable guest room, always refilling their drinks, etc. I cook all the meals, clean all the dishes and cater to them. I even buy locally made gifts for them to take home - things that are special to my area that they cannot find back home, as a parting gift/care package. I even do their laundry the night before they leave, so they don't have to return home tired with bags of dirty clothes.

To each his own I guess /shrug.
I was raised that way too. I used to do so many nice things for them when they would stay at my house. I would buy special food for my FIL because he has food allergies, I would make a nice breakfast on the weekend for them, and do whatever I could to make them feel at home. However, when I stayed at their house I did not receive the same treatment. Time after time the same thing would happen and we stopped going up there because of the lack of hospitality on their part. My in laws do whatever they want in my house which is fine with me to a point.

Quote:
Originally Posted by joyinthejourney View Post
i agree w/ a poster that this seems like cultural differences may be adding to the tension. by any chance is your family and our wife's family from two different cultural or ethnic backgrounds?
Nope same backgrounds/cultures. My MIL's mom was the same way. She wanted to be treated like a princess and her husband would do everything for her and she would not lift a finger.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluesmama View Post
Well, I sure don't expect guests to act like they live here. I wouldn't even want them to, really, because I'm a bit territorial. I had my two brothers here last year and all I wanted was for them to relax and enjoy a good visit. If I needed help with something like take out the garbage or lift/move something then they were more than willing. But I would never expect them to partake of all the tasks we do in our home. They're guests. And if I spend time visiting someone, I'll help with a little bit but, quite frankly, do not try to pretend that I'm living there.

However, families are raised differently in how they do things.
My FIL is very helpful. He helps out with everything. If I am working on a house project, he will lend a hand. If I am doing the dishes, he will help dry them. My MIL is totally different, if something is an inconvenience she won't do it. She gets up from the dinner table and doesn't help do anything. On the flip side, when I stayed at their house, I always helped clear the table, wash dishes, put stuff away. My in laws do their laundry at my house, but throw a fit if we try and do any at their house. Everything is very one sided with them.
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Old 10-29-2014, 07:27 AM
 
Location: DFW - Coppell / Las Colinas
31,968 posts, read 36,594,800 times
Reputation: 38542
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I am like you, bmachina. I like to pamper my guests. The OP is a man who feels put out, so I guess there might be other issues at play.
It is nice to have quests but anything beyond about 5 days gets difficult for and strains most families.

Guest should be aware and considerate enough to know when they have overstayed their welcome.
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Old 10-29-2014, 08:14 AM
 
6,040 posts, read 4,430,447 times
Reputation: 16753
I modify my radical suggestion as follows:

I suggest taking the FIL out with you as much as possible, with or without the kids.

Go out to eat, to a park, to a ballgame, to the mall, mini-golf, anything.

Sounds like the poor guy would love some time away from the battleaxe.
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Old 10-29-2014, 09:00 AM
 
10 posts, read 17,364 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by elhelmete View Post
I modify my radical suggestion as follows:

I suggest taking the FIL out with you as much as possible, with or without the kids.

Go out to eat, to a park, to a ballgame, to the mall, mini-golf, anything.

Sounds like the poor guy would love some time away from the battleaxe.
You should have seen the fit my MIL threw when we wanted to grab a bit to eat on our way home from a long drive. It wasn't even expensive food (McDonald's). He is very reluctant to spend money because of the ramifications that occur because of it(MIL throws a fit).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakin View Post
It is nice to have quests but anything beyond about 5 days gets difficult for and strains most families.

Guest should be aware and considerate enough to know when they have overstayed their welcome.
They are oblivious and would stay an indefinite amount time despite whether they were welcome or not. They were here for two weeks one time!
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Old 10-29-2014, 10:54 AM
 
4,776 posts, read 6,601,633 times
Reputation: 6785
I would visit the in-laws again just to get on MIL's nerves and give her a taste of her own medicine. Be sure to use a LOT of towels and never wash a one. Cook dinner, but only stuff that you like. See if you can get wife in on the game and convince her not to wash any dishes. haha

AND I would take poor old FIL out to eat a lot! JUST him. LOL

Sorry....it's just that clueless, thoughtless, inconsiderate people (especially when they are in my castle!) get on my last nerve.
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Old 10-29-2014, 09:09 PM
 
4,363 posts, read 3,235,061 times
Reputation: 7374
OP, I think it's a bad idea for you to create bad blood between you and your in-laws. Let your wife speak to them if need be. I think it's better for you to keep you thoughts to yourself in this case. They don't visit that often so it's not like their behavior is a major problem.

Use wisdom in picking your battles. This is not something to start a battle over. All you will do is cause problems in your marriage.
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Old 10-29-2014, 09:49 PM
 
6,040 posts, read 4,430,447 times
Reputation: 16753
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sage 80 View Post
OP, I think it's a bad idea for you to create bad blood between you and your in-laws. Let your wife speak to them if need be. I think it's better for you to keep you thoughts to yourself in this case. They don't visit that often so it's not like their behavior is a major problem.

Use wisdom in picking your battles. This is not something to start a battle over. All you will do is cause problems in your marriage.
All due respect, but have you read this entire thread?
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Old 10-30-2014, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Chicago
3,275 posts, read 4,764,240 times
Reputation: 4036
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bmachina View Post
Wow, I'm surprised to see so many hateful comments here directed at the guests.

I was raised to treat guests in your home with great hospitality. I would NEVER expect them to buy their own food, do chores, or pick up kids from school. They can lounge on the couch eating bon bons for a week for all I care; it's their vacation/trip/visit.

When my in laws or other guests are here, I wait on them hand and foot to make sure they enjoy their stay. This includes, grocery shopping for extra special foods, cooking gourmet meals, making sure they have an extra comfortable guest room, always refilling their drinks, etc. I cook all the meals, clean all the dishes and cater to them. I even buy locally made gifts for them to take home - things that are special to my area that they cannot find back home, as a parting gift/care package. I even do their laundry the night before they leave, so they don't have to return home tired with bags of dirty clothes.

To each his own I guess /shrug.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I am like you, bmachina. I like to pamper my guests. The OP is a man who feels put out, so I guess there might be other issues at play.

It makes me wonder, though, does the Op's family ever visit the parents? It would be pretty funny if the family decided to visit the parents for a week, and just sit around and be waited on.
I don't expect guests to work either, but that's the thing, they are GUESTS. I invite them over at a specific time for a specific purpose. It sounds like the OP has no real say in whether or not his in-laws visit and can't even dictate how long they are in his house. That's no longer a guest, it's an imposition.
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