U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-24-2014, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,957 posts, read 5,309,871 times
Reputation: 17991

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1986pacecar View Post
Sorry but I have to disagree with the power poster on this one. There is no way I'd lock my dog up so the whiny old bag with attitude can sit on her duff, eat my food and expect me to chauffeur them around town. I too have been married a long time and would not tolerate that behavior nor would I expect my wife to put up with my deadbeat relatives if they acted like that.

I would never lock up my dog. If they are allergic they can stay somewhere else.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-24-2014, 03:10 PM
 
6,323 posts, read 5,064,142 times
Reputation: 12848
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1986pacecar View Post
Sorry but I have to disagree with the power poster on this one. There is no way I'd lock my dog up so the whiny old bag with attitude can sit on her duff, eat my food and expect me to chauffeur them around town. I too have been married a long time and would not tolerate that behavior nor would I expect my wife to put up with my deadbeat relatives if they acted like that.
I agree. Poor dog. Maybe a nice kennel boarding place instead. Bill the MIL😄
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 04:00 PM
 
11,270 posts, read 8,439,906 times
Reputation: 20467
You lost me at in-laws. I hope they're good cooks!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 04:09 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,056 posts, read 17,376,569 times
Reputation: 41514
Quote:
Originally Posted by scottrod View Post
I am very appreciative and gracious of them cooking food for us.

There are other options for them too, staying at her sisters house which is 15 minutes away.
.
Quote:
Originally Posted by scottrod View Post

They have no problem driving. They just rather someone else drive them so they don't have to use their own gas $. They have tried to use other things that my wife and I pay for so they don't have to pay using their own money (amazon prime, our cable tv app).


They don't want to stay at her sisters house because they would have to drive (use their own car and not mine)



I have tried that route, my wife has tried to tell me that her mom isn't going to change and to get over it.


No dice. They won't spend the money. However, they spend money on themselves when they take multi week trips out of the country.



That is the plan She is also allergic to mold, dust, smoke, perfume, pollen. That makes it very hard for her to stay in our house because of my dog and my large fish tank. She makes snide comments or complains to my wife about how she can't sleep or has a headache because of how her allergies affect her when she is in my house.

They go see her sister when she is here, but prefer us to take them there.
.
I snipped a few comments, but man, oh man what cheapskates!

I really don't know what I would do with in-laws like that that.

You could be passive-aggressive and do things like take your car into the shop the week that they are visiting so that they can't use your car, or keep "accidently" letting the dog out of the bedroom, or schedule evening business meeting so you can't drive them places and things like that. (I wouldn't do those things but some people do).

Or, whenever your MIL makes snide comments about her allergies & problems sleeping your wife, her daughter, could give her brochures for local hotels or offer to board the dog. Of course, her parents would be expected to pay for the hotel and/or the dog boarding themselves.

BTW, it is not unusual for parents to rent hotel rooms when visiting their children. It cost almost $1,000 in hotel costs when my husband and I visited our son & DIL & new baby last year. They have a tiny apartment and no room even for a hide-a-bed. I still made many of the meals or purchased carry-out food even though we were not staying there. I even did a few loads of laundry that week.

My sister and her husband always stay in a hotel when they visit their daughter (BTW, they also babysit/provide child care, cook dinner every night -and grocery shop & buy the food with their own money, do the family laundry, drive the kids to activities, etc. etc. and basically go to the hotel in the evening just to sleep).

When my in-laws visited us they did lots of things around the house and were always delightful house guests. They usually bought the groceries for the week & cooked most of the meals (if we were working). I don't think that either one ever complained about anything.

But, I also have a girlfriend who mentioned that her in-laws expected to be treated like a king & queen whenever they visited. They did not lift a finger to do anything, did not pay for anything and expected their son & DIL to immediately fulfill every demand that they made. BTW, it was her ex-in-laws as she is now divorced - her husband also expected to be treated like a king at all times.

Obviously, families and family situations are different.

You and your wife have to decide what to do as a couple.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 04:22 PM
 
6,040 posts, read 4,439,805 times
Reputation: 16753
@scottrod: just curious, when you're all together...do your inlaws engage? Do they hold conversations? Do you play cards, or other games? Do things outside? Or do they sit and watch TV? Or...?

Just curious.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 04:44 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,105,065 times
Reputation: 32406
I sympathize on some things. Others, not so much.

My MIL came to our house with a cold then blamed it on being allergic to everything in our house, even the Christmas tree.

I don't understand why they would come stay for a week in a house with a dog they are allergic to, and refuse to pick the kids up, and have none of you take a day off work to hang out with them. What are they getting out of this?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 04:48 PM
 
6,040 posts, read 4,439,805 times
Reputation: 16753
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
I don't understand why they would come stay for a week in a house with a dog they are allergic to, and refuse to pick the kids up, and have none of you take a day off work to hang out with them. What are they getting out of this?
I don't understand either. It seems a little suspect.

As far as the OP and wife taking time off...why wouldn't the inlaws negotiate a visit time when the OP/wife could take a couple days off work? Or maybe the OP/wife like to work when inlaws are present?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 05:08 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,742 posts, read 9,040,831 times
Reputation: 11143
Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmyhoss View Post
I'm with your wife. Deal with it; its only two weeks.
It's also just as much his house as it hers. Not sure the best way to deal with this situation but these inlaws sound like leeches, especially with not driving due to cost. If you're that broke then you can't afford a vacation.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 05:15 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,105,065 times
Reputation: 32406
Quote:
Originally Posted by elhelmete View Post
I don't understand either. It seems a little suspect.

As far as the OP and wife taking time off...why wouldn't the inlaws negotiate a visit time when the OP/wife could take a couple days off work? Or maybe the OP/wife like to work when inlaws are present?
Could be either. There are times when I refuse to take time off when the in-laws visit but that's because they tend to plan very last minute. If they plan ahead, we'll take time off to do something fun, or at the very least, they can watch the kids if there is no school.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2014, 05:18 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,917 posts, read 36,220,301 times
Reputation: 63557
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
I sympathize on some things. Others, not so much.

My MIL came to our house with a cold then blamed it on being allergic to everything in our house, even the Christmas tree.

I don't understand why they would come stay for a week in a house with a dog they are allergic to, and refuse to pick the kids up, and have none of you take a day off work to hang out with them. What are they getting out of this?
My thoughts exactly.

I don't get the whole thing - parents coming for a week, but no one taking off work. Dog in the bedroom (by the way, who is letting the dog out during the day?). What vehicle should they be driving - are they driving their own vehicle there or flying? How old are these people? Can they use a GPS? Heck, my 75 year old dad can manage that! What do they do all day while they wait for the husband and wife to get off work and for the kids to be picked up?

Now - granted - this sounds like an irritating scenario - but for EVERYONE, not just the OP. Personally, I just wouldn't come for a week long visit if no one was able or willing to take off work.

And they're five hours away - not fifteen. Why do they have to stay a week? Why can't they just come for the occasional weekend?

Yeah, let's start with that one right there. Here's what I'd do - I'd man up (even though I am a woman - LOL) and I'd take this bull by the horns. I'd say this:

"Let's try a new routine. You guys come down on Friday afternoon and stay till Sunday afternoon. We will board the dog for the weekend. We can all spend time together - cook meals together, run over to Costco together and then maybe go out for ice cream as a big family, etc."

This way, there's less resentment, even if you foot the bill for EVERYTHING. After all, it's just a few groceries and one or two trips into town - so what? Plus you can keep an eye on them so they don't charge things on your Amazon account! LOL
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:08 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top