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Wasn't quite sure how to word that subject line. I am curious, for those of you with adult children, how you make decisions on what responsibilities to give to your children (or other family members) when making your will.
I am the middle child-my sister is the oldest & my brother is the youngest. My mother informed me yesterday that she & my dad updated their will. She said if anything were to happen to both of them, my sister is in charge of the will (which makes sense since she's the oldest). She then said that if she (my mother) is no longer with us & my father is on life support, my sister also has the final say over pulling the plug. If it's my mother on life support, and my father is gone, then that final say is given to my brother.
I pray that it never comes to that, but I was a little taken back by the fact that they didn't entrust any responsibility to me. I do feel like my mother holds a bit of a grudge over the fact that I moved away (an entire HOUR) while my sister lives 5 minutes away, and my brother still lives at home...so could it be that? I make it a point to come up almost every weekend for a family dinner. I could understand if I was like the family 'mess up' or something but I am the most independant & financially responsible out of the 3 of us. I guess I'm just trying to understand their thought process here. I'm afraid to ask them as I don't want to make them feel like I'm mad or anything...
Funny you should ask, given that my wife and I are working on our estate planning right now.
Simply put? Our daughter is the most responsible of our three children, and the one with the most financial acumen. Mind you, I'd never tell my two sons that, but with a sizable enough estate, she's the one I'd trust to do it. We have commercial property, investments, IRAs, 401(k)s, and other assets.
Mind you, we're finishing drafting our will, so we'll be able to spell out in pretty clear terms what needs to be done. That way, if MrsCPG and I die at the same time, our daughter only has to manage the paperwork with the help of a good CPA and attorney. There would be plenty of cash to pay their fees. And because the distribution terms have been spelled out in the will, the potential for argument is minimized.
So while you might be the most dutiful child on the planet, you might not have quite the knowledge needed to navigate the complexity of handling an estate. If you are dealing with an estate with any complexity at all, it is a bear to handle. In that sense, especially if your sister is trustworthy and competent, you might thank your lucky stars that it's not your job to do.
I'm co-executor, along with my oldest brother. My sister, who works as a geriatric social worker, was initially given the responsibility for medical decisions, but she lives several states away from my mother, so, as the closest child (4 hours away), that has also been designated to me.
We haven't named any one of our three sons to those roles, and we do need to. I think my husband and I would both lean towards our youngest son. He is very responsible, and doesn't have the responsibilities of his own family yet.
OP, you should encourage your parents to put their medical desires in writing, to spare the offspring the burden of making that type of decision.
I will also say, it wouldn't bother me at all if I had no responsibilities in regard to my parents' deaths. I saw how much work was involved when my husband had to settle his father's estate.
Wasn't quite sure how to word that subject line. I am curious, for those of you with adult children, how you make decisions on what responsibilities to give to your children (or other family members) when making your will.
I am the middle child-my sister is the oldest & my brother is the youngest. My mother informed me yesterday that she & my dad updated their will. She said if anything were to happen to both of them, my sister is in charge of the will (which makes sense since she's the oldest). She then said that if she (my mother) is no longer with us & my father is on life support, my sister also has the final say over pulling the plug. If it's my mother on life support, and my father is gone, then that final say is given to my brother.
I pray that it never comes to that, but I was a little taken back by the fact that they didn't entrust any responsibility to me. I do feel like my mother holds a bit of a grudge over the fact that I moved away (an entire HOUR) while my sister lives 5 minutes away, and my brother still lives at home...so could it be that? I make it a point to come up almost every weekend for a family dinner. I could understand if I was like the family 'mess up' or something but I am the most independant & financially responsible out of the 3 of us. I guess I'm just trying to understand their thought process here. I'm afraid to ask them as I don't want to make them feel like I'm mad or anything...
I am talking about me. For me I don't need any responsibilities such as pulling the plug for my parents because I know I cannot do that. you are lucky if your mother kept the grudges, it is never easy to pull the plug for a parents. Leave it be happy that you are out of that. Just enjoy your life with your partner or kids or who ever you are with.
My parents named me for POA, Healthcare POA, and executrix of their wills. They did that even though my sister had returned to live with them. I was in another state. I was the one who understood their wishes and agreed with them (healthcare). I was /am the most responsible and level-headed of the 3 children. Think about these points and you may find your answer
Last edited by SouthernBelleInUtah; 10-27-2014 at 12:37 PM..
Thank you. To be honest I don't want to have to make the decision to 'pull the plug,' I'm just more concerned as to why they wouldn't want me to. I suppose it could be something as simple as that I live the farthest away. My brother certainly is not very responsible (I mean he still lives at home for gods sake).
I will not mention it to them & will just accept it. I guess I just take things too personally sometimes.
It might well be the parent's views are more aligned with one child. As an example. I doubt my daughter would ever pull the plug on anyone including a pet. My son would pull the plug. My wife and I would want the plug pulled so guess which one we would name as controller of the plug?
Wasn't quite sure how to word that subject line. I am curious, for those of you with adult children, how you make decisions on what responsibilities to give to your children (or other family members) when making your will.
I am the middle child-my sister is the oldest & my brother is the youngest. My mother informed me yesterday that she & my dad updated their will. She said if anything were to happen to both of them, my sister is in charge of the will (which makes sense since she's the oldest). She then said that if she (my mother) is no longer with us & my father is on life support, my sister also has the final say over pulling the plug. If it's my mother on life support, and my father is gone, then that final say is given to my brother.
I pray that it never comes to that, but I was a little taken back by the fact that they didn't entrust any responsibility to me. I do feel like my mother holds a bit of a grudge over the fact that I moved away (an entire HOUR) while my sister lives 5 minutes away, and my brother still lives at home...so could it be that? I make it a point to come up almost every weekend for a family dinner. I could understand if I was like the family 'mess up' or something but I am the most independant & financially responsible out of the 3 of us. I guess I'm just trying to understand their thought process here. I'm afraid to ask them as I don't want to make them feel like I'm mad or anything...
The only way to know for sure what they are thinking is to ask!
Personally, I was relieved when my mom chose my younger sister. I know it was no slight against me and I'm glad to know I won't have that job when the time comes
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