U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-28-2014, 03:03 PM
 
Location: Woodinville
3,185 posts, read 4,030,692 times
Reputation: 6267

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by weirdout1212 View Post
People always gave me a hard time about being overprotective of my privacy, but as you can see, the day has come where my caution has saved my ass.
I wouldn't claim victory until you search for yourself on a public records aggregator. Spokeo.com is a popular one. I haven't been on the site for a while so it might be different now, but a few years ago I found myself on there. It somehow found my phone number, list of past addresses (whether there was any true record of me staying there or not), even photos that had been put on facebook that I wasn't tagged in. It's amazing how all this information was public record somehow.

I looked up my Dad once and it knew I was his son, as well as 3 out of my 4 siblings, found how much he paid for his house, estimated his income, credit score, and age accurately, and a whole slew of other things. The scary thing is none of us has any significant presence on facebook, or ever posted any personal details. We're not much of a social media family.

I realize that some of the features on the site were solely based on demographics, but I had no idea that the hard data they had on us (Addresses, phone numbers, etc) was public knowledge. It was a real wake up call. Who knows how they got that info? They got it though, and I'd bet they have some info on you too. It's there for the taking.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-28-2014, 03:30 PM
 
15,254 posts, read 16,767,035 times
Reputation: 25416
Quote:
Originally Posted by weirdout1212 View Post

He then moved to his home country, overseas.

Ever since, he'd been writing me love letters and spending months building sculptures for me (without me even realizing it). He'd been gone for over a year, and it seemed like he accepted that we'd just be friends. But suddenly, he returned. And he said that he came back just for me. He keeps calling and calling and texting nonstop, and gets more and more unreasonable about it.

Zack tells me all about how he only went to his home country to amass lots of wealth, buy a house, bribing and stepping on so many people along the way ... and he says he did all that for me, so he could come back to the US and marry me. I tell him that I'd be getting married to DH -- in a week (which I did), and Zack flips out. He begs me to not marry DH, to marry him instead. He talks about how wealthy and powerful he is, and how he got into perfect physical shape just for me. He absolutely refused to date other women, despite my encouragement. He kept insisting that he would wait for me forever, that he'd never lose hope, etc.

When I tell him that this is not OK, that he needs to respect my boundaries, he tells me he doesn't care if I can't handle his undying love for me.. And apparently he'd been sobbing to all of his friends and family, and having them refer to me as Mr. ZacksLastName, and it's a complete mess. My DH was getting agitated with him, especially since we were about to get married and he was doing this.



For a month after, he did not contact me. But now he's starting up again -- this time ranting about how I'm a sociopath, and attaching screenshots of snippets of our past conversations.

I really don't want to take legal action, esp since he used to be a friend for years. Is he likely to chill out and back off again for good, or do I potentially have a big headache on my hands?

Thanks -- and sorry this was so long!
Quote:
Originally Posted by weirdout1212 View Post
He doesn't know my maiden name. Which is good, because he would definitely spare no expense. And he doesn't have any of my physical addresses.

All he has is my email address and phone number. Both of which are listed under pseudonyms.

People always gave me a hard time about being overprotective of my privacy, but as you can see, the day has come where my caution has saved my ass.
Quote:
Originally Posted by weirdout1212 View Post
There was never really any need for him to know. No occasion where he would naturally find out (traveling together, working together, etc). He was a casual friend I met on campus, not a co-worker or anyone I dated.
So this is a casual friend who doesn't even know your last name? Did he mail you the love letters? If so, he didn't include your last name?

He went back to China for a year where he managed to amass a lot of wealth, buy a house and get in perfect physical shape for you, all while building you sculptures, which he then transported back to the U.S. for you?

He's sobbing to his friends and family where? In China? Or the U.S? Do you have mutual friends? If so, do they know your last name?

I don't mean to be rude, but I am skeptical. Something about this tale sounds a little fishy and you wouldn't be the first new C-D poster to trot out what sounds like a book plot to a sympathetic crowd.

For now, I'll take a break from this thread and see how it plays out.

Wishing you a safe and happy ending to whatever is going on.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 03:53 PM
 
Location: southern kansas
8,414 posts, read 5,753,198 times
Reputation: 18644
I'm also a bit skeptical of this story. But if it is true, you need to take all of the good advice you've been given here, and do it now. You could be very close to being a crime statistic. Nothing you've described about 'Zack' is even remotely normal.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 04:15 PM
 
12 posts, read 9,992 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
So this is a casual friend who doesn't even know your last name? Did he mail you the love letters? If so, he didn't include your last name?

He went back to China for a year where he managed to amass a lot of wealth, buy a house and get in perfect physical shape for you, all while building you sculptures, which he then transported back to the U.S. for you?

He's sobbing to his friends and family where? In China? Or the U.S? Do you have mutual friends? If so, do they know your last name?

I don't mean to be rude, but I am skeptical. Something about this tale sounds a little fishy and you wouldn't be the first new C-D poster to trot out what sounds like a book plot to a sympathetic crowd.

For now, I'll take a break from this thread and see how it plays out.

Wishing you a safe and happy ending to whatever is going on.
He emailed me the letters. And I agree, the stuff he claims to have done sound far-fetched to me. But I don't need him to prove it -- even if he's lying, that alone is not normal behavior.

We don't really have mutual friends, maybe a few mutual acquaintances. But I don't think they know my last name either. Honestly, Zack and I were more email pen-pals than anything. We had a lot of in-depth conversations on philosophy, politics, spirituality, etc. That's why we ended up keeping in touch for so long.

Even on my Facebook, I never used my real name. The only way he might find me is my LinkedIn...even that would be hard to find though, since I don't have a picture on it.

I appreciate everyone's help though, thank you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 04:51 PM
 
122 posts, read 146,428 times
Reputation: 249
haha, it does sound like the plot to the Great Gatsby, except he's a stalker and Chinese.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 06:15 PM
 
2,702 posts, read 3,712,965 times
Reputation: 4519
Unfortunately a restraining order is just a piece of paper.. By the time the police arrive she could be dead and her DH also....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 07:19 PM
 
4,102 posts, read 3,745,223 times
Reputation: 11219
I think this thread is BS. But if it's true, the couple is screwed. Soon they're going to come home to find their pet rabbit stewing in a pot in the kitchen.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 07:31 PM
 
5,423 posts, read 2,892,270 times
Reputation: 24318
Quote:
Originally Posted by sayulita View Post
You knew him for YEARS and he never knew your last name? That's really odd.
I thought the same.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 08:57 PM
 
12,835 posts, read 6,160,236 times
Reputation: 10693
I also think that things just don't add up here.

A casual friend who doesn't even know your last name? Seriously?

Yet he has your email address and phone number? Do you normally give out your phone number to casual friends who don't know your last name? I can understand giving out an email address if you opened it up under a fictitious name...but I can't understand why you would give him your phone number.

If what you write about him not knowing your last name or your husband's name is true, then solving your problem is simple:

1) Shut down the email account you use to communicate with him.

2) Change your phone number.

If people who actually do know your real name have that email address that you use to communicate with Zack, just get in touch with them and tell them you are closing out that account (assuming that you want to keep in contact with them). Then give those people your new email address.

Same thing with your phone number. Only give it to those who you want or need to keep in touch.

See? It's that easy!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-28-2014, 09:22 PM
RVT
 
367 posts, read 639,343 times
Reputation: 393
Don't worry about any restraining orders. If you live in a state that respects your 2A rights, get a CWP, a handgun of at least 9MM or better caliber, get training, and carry at all times. This goes for your hubby as well.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top