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How I think of someone as having the characteristic of being a "Low Maintenance" friend (not partner):
- Not easily offended if you've been out of touch with them for years and contact them out of the blue to ask how they've been (not to ask for a favor.)
- Can hang out or chill with you pretty much anywhere (your/their place, a park, a bar, some restaurant, etc.) and doesn't need to constantly be engaged in some activity whenever you're with them (i.e. hiking, shopping, video games, sports, etc.)
- When you call/email/message/etc. them, minimal time is spent on the usual pleasantries (they like to get straight to the point) and the conversation rarely veers off into extraneous gossip. You might make some small talk and discuss a thing or two with them about their family, job, recent vacation, etc. but the vast majority of the conversation remains on topic.
- It also seems Low Maintenance friends tend to have fewer # of friends but they are close to them all rather than a large # of superficial relationships.
It seems like the vast majority of friends from high school and college that I continue to be in touch now are "Low Maintenance". I'm a guy, but from my observation, the vast majority of "High Maintenance" friends and acquaintances I've known have been females although I also knew a couple of guys who were that way too.
I had a 'friend' who said to me that she was 'high-maintenance'. Silly me, I didn't ask her what she meant by that, but I sure found out later. All phone calls and interactions were about her, all the time. If I was able to get a few words in edgewise, they were either met with silence or she would turn the conversation back to herself. Basically it was a one-way friendship. I realized that I was her friend but she was not my friend.
I too prefer low-maintenance friends much more than high-maintenance.
For reason stated by the OP low maintenance friends are so much easier to be friends with! It's easy, it's pleasant, it's nice, it's an all-around good experience.
High maintenance friends on the other hand quickly wear me out. They can be exhausting! Borderline annoying and I must limit my time with them or else they drive me cray.
I wouldn't classify someone I haven't spoken to in years as a friend.
To me the difference in low maintenance and high maintenance is if a friendship is easy and balanced, versus one-sided and demanding, and at this stage of my life, I don't have high maintenance friends. I grew out of needing that type of person in my life when I was around 30.
Low maintenance are preferable. Having a drink this week with someone who lives here in town - but I haven't seen in over a year physically, due to busy lifestyles. Easy and comfortable catch-up coming.
We see examples on CD all the time of high-maintenance people:
"Why is this person not texting me for hours later after I have texted?" "Why hasn't she returned my phone call - it has been 2 days!" Drama, drama, drama. Life has enough drama on its own - who needs manufactured stuff by people who want their own reality show?
This is why I don't have many close friends right now. I don't have the patience for 'high maintenance' and yet that's the only type of people I end up friends with lol.
Right now I only have 1 friend who I consider close. I'm not sure if she's 'high maintencance,' or just a flake. When I talk to her about a problem, she is there for me, but one way or another the convo will end up about her & her problems. Trouble follows her. She always ends up super late, or doesn't show up, with some outlandish excuse. My husband thinks the excuses are lies (like not showing up at the bar until half an hour before closing, because she accidentally went the wrong way & drove to work instead?)
I have distanced myself from her because it's just too much work. When she's actually there...I mean actually shows up, most of the time she's fun and great to talk to. It's just too much damn work to get her there.
How I think of someone as having the characteristic of being a "Low Maintenance" friend (not partner):
It seems like the vast majority of friends from high school and college that I continue to be in touch now are "Low Maintenance". I'm a guy, but from my observation, the vast majority of "High Maintenance" friends and acquaintances I've known have been females although I also knew a couple of guys who were that way too.
Thoughts?
Wow, a post I totally agree with. As they say: ^^^^This.
I think a lot of men are as you describe. The vast majority, in-fact. (Some) women, in-particular, handle it differently. Too, I've met a few high-maintenance men.
In addition: other "low maintenance" behaviors include someone who has ideas of things to do, places to go, but can compromise on the details. And not throw a hissy-fit if everything doesn't go per "the plan."
I am a low maintenance pal. Two pals have been divorced this year, one being an 11 year common-law breakup that was very similar to an actual divorce minus the legal mess.
In the above, my DUTY as a low-maintenance pal was, and is, to:
- Reach out to those guys, make sure they're OK and have things to do (distractions), and listen to their problems
- Ask little of them in terms of favors or other boons, this year
- Give whatever time they need to vent about what went wrong. Ask questions, stay positive and respectful to the spouse who left them as-well (spouses in the above are not "bad" people, in my view: the relationships just ended, for various reasons).
- Understand what "duty" to a friend in need means. That "dutiful" is not synonymous with "pushover."
To OP's point, ALL my remaining guy pals are like the above. Stand-up guys. Low maintanance. Winners. Not quitters. Do what they say they will. Everyone falls down, it's how we get up again that defines us as men.
I had a high-maintenance female pal, some years back. It lasted a while, then frankly I'd had enough. Lost touch with her two times, for a couple years, then the final time permanently because she went waaaaaay off the rails (mental illness). I'm not into that, nor was I professionally equipped to counsel, provide therapy for, or otherwise effectively interact with serious, serious emotional problems.
I won't tolerate that, if I'm not having sex with it. Even then, it gets really old really fast.
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