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Old 11-06-2014, 09:19 AM
 
10,171 posts, read 7,043,832 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
If this is true, then I think your husband needs a nice warm cup of Grow The F*** Up.

Every single parent on the planet has made mistakes, myself included. If the parents weren't awful people who just made mistakes while parenting, perhaps it's time they saw their grandchildren.
I would imagine there is much more to the situation that is left unsaid. As the OP, I would be interested in finding that out
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Old 11-06-2014, 08:35 PM
 
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There is a reason why there is the saying...

A daughter's your daughter all of her life. A son is your son until he takes a wife.

Sometimes men separate themselves from their families after they grow up. It doesn't mean they wereabusive jerks as parents. It's just something that may occur for various reasons.

I would encourage some contact at least. Facetime chats, phone calls, letters, photos, and facebook posts are all ways to have limited contact.

More intimate interactions should be worked out through your husband.
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Old 11-10-2014, 01:22 PM
 
3,646 posts, read 9,603,496 times
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I spent years trying to build a relationship between my kids and in laws - we lived far, husband didn't really care.

Long story short, eventually the kids got old enough to realize their grandparents didn't care. My daughter, at the age of 12, still gets upset that she doesn't really "have" grandparents (though she technically has 4 sets). One set does try - sort of, once or twice a year, but make her promises they never deliver on, don't answer her calls and texts regularly.

Last summer, my daughter BEGGED to go see them. They asked for my son (two years older) to come out, but he has ZERO interest in them now (too little, too late). I asked them if they'd like to see her instead, letting them know she'd LOVE to go see them, but they ignored the message (I communicate with that MIL via FB - and so am notified when a message is read/seen). Dd texted grandma twice - and no response.

A family wedding just passed, and we got begged to come - husband didn't want to, kids freaked (they had plans with friends that weekend). My MIL sent me a message that she felt so saddened that I have poisoned my children's minds against her. lol - Lady, if it weren't for me and my efforts, they wouldn't even realize you exist.

Which may have been an easier path for them, but I also have watched other families and know that if I hadn't made the efforts I did, then my kids would be erroneously blaming ME for the lack of a relationship with their grandparents. I say despite the pain coming, do what you can, send pictures, but don't do anything you're not comfortable with
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Old 11-10-2014, 01:40 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,614,596 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
I spent years trying to build a relationship between my kids and in laws - we lived far, husband didn't really care.

Long story short, eventually the kids got old enough to realize their grandparents didn't care. My daughter, at the age of 12, still gets upset that she doesn't really "have" grandparents (though she technically has 4 sets). One set does try - sort of, once or twice a year, but make her promises they never deliver on, don't answer her calls and texts regularly.

Last summer, my daughter BEGGED to go see them. They asked for my son (two years older) to come out, but he has ZERO interest in them now (too little, too late). I asked them if they'd like to see her instead, letting them know she'd LOVE to go see them, but they ignored the message (I communicate with that MIL via FB - and so am notified when a message is read/seen). Dd texted grandma twice - and no response.

A family wedding just passed, and we got begged to come - husband didn't want to, kids freaked (they had plans with friends that weekend). My MIL sent me a message that she felt so saddened that I have poisoned my children's minds against her. lol - Lady, if it weren't for me and my efforts, they wouldn't even realize you exist.

Which may have been an easier path for them, but I also have watched other families and know that if I hadn't made the efforts I did, then my kids would be erroneously blaming ME for the lack of a relationship with their grandparents. I say despite the pain coming, do what you can, send pictures, but don't do anything you're not comfortable with
You've said a mouthful here. My thoughts.

If one is estranged from one's parents, it should be for exceptional reasons such as child abuse or abandonment. For, like it or not, one's family is part of who one is. And if a child has no clue about his grandparents or aunts and uncles or cousins, then it really is breaking a link with his heritage.

Has the OP returned to this thread? To me, if it's a case of outright abuse, then okay. But if the parents were just being parents, God only knows what kind of self-pitying nonsense he's allowed to fester over the decades, the "Mom wouldn't let me get a pony" kind of stuff. I just don't have any patience for that.
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Old 11-10-2014, 01:42 PM
 
6,461 posts, read 6,455,765 times
Reputation: 9799
Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
I spent years trying to build a relationship between my kids and in laws - we lived far, husband didn't really care.

Long story short, eventually the kids got old enough to realize their grandparents didn't care. My daughter, at the age of 12, still gets upset that she doesn't really "have" grandparents (though she technically has 4 sets). One set does try - sort of, once or twice a year, but make her promises they never deliver on, don't answer her calls and texts regularly.

Last summer, my daughter BEGGED to go see them. They asked for my son (two years older) to come out, but he has ZERO interest in them now (too little, too late). I asked them if they'd like to see her instead, letting them know she'd LOVE to go see them, but they ignored the message (I communicate with that MIL via FB - and so am notified when a message is read/seen). Dd texted grandma twice - and no response.

A family wedding just passed, and we got begged to come - husband didn't want to, kids freaked (they had plans with friends that weekend). My MIL sent me a message that she felt so saddened that I have poisoned my children's minds against her. lol - Lady, if it weren't for me and my efforts, they wouldn't even realize you exist.

Which may have been an easier path for them, but I also have watched other families and know that if I hadn't made the efforts I did, then my kids would be erroneously blaming ME for the lack of a relationship with their grandparents. I say despite the pain coming, do what you can, send pictures, but don't do anything you're not comfortable with
I feel your pain. I am the one pushing for visits, phone calls, gifts, etc....

I want a close relationship with my in laws for all of our sakes. I do feel bad that my child is so very close with my parents and less so with my in laws.

It still irks me if they make a comment about me.
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Old 11-10-2014, 02:20 PM
 
3,646 posts, read 9,603,496 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meyerland View Post
I feel your pain. I am the one pushing for visits, phone calls, gifts, etc....

I want a close relationship with my in laws for all of our sakes. I do feel bad that my child is so very close with my parents and less so with my in laws.

It still irks me if they make a comment about me.
Yes, I get that. Irks me too sometimes. Tired of being the 'bad guy', but at least now that the kids are older, no one I really care about buys the in-laws act.
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Old 11-10-2014, 03:23 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,614,596 times
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You know, my father died when I was in my early twenties. And I, along with my brothers and sister, have a lot of issues with the man. But my kids still ask about him. So had he lived long enough to see his grandchildren, I would have certainly not kept him from them or vice versa.
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Old 11-10-2014, 06:52 PM
 
4,341 posts, read 6,034,258 times
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My son is divorced and I see my grandkids through my ex daughter-in-law who has a kind and gracious heart. She is in a new relationship of her own but she finds the time to keep me and my husband up to date with pictures and phone calls and we're always welcomed to drop by and take the kids to lunch or to a movie. She has invited us to spend Christmas Eve with her and the kids. My son has a new fiancée who says they don't have time for us because they go camping (or skiing in the winter) every other weekend when they have the kids. I won't get into his fiancee's insecurities here but I am forever grateful to my lovely ex dil. No, it's not her responsibility, she has a mother of her own and she has her boyfriend's mother but in her words... "I love grandparents! " And we love her!
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