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Old 10-31-2014, 03:06 PM
 
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My husband isn't on the best of terms with his family and keeps his distance. No regular phone calls, pictures, etc. And we live out of state. We have 2 kids, ages 1 and 2. I don't particularly care for them, especially my father in law. Do I have an obligation to promote a grandparent/grandchild relationship between them if my husband can't be bothered by it?
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Old 10-31-2014, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,232,593 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mysteriousjane View Post
My husband isn't on the best of terms with his family and keeps his distance. No regular phone calls, pictures, etc. And we live out of state. We have 2 kids, ages 1 and 2. I don't particularly care for them, especially my father in law. Do I have an obligation to promote a grandparent/grandchild relationship between them if my husband can't be bothered by it?
It depends.

Does your husband have a justified reason for keeping his distance from his family, or is this just some overblown ego issues between folks who couldn't get along?
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Old 10-31-2014, 03:18 PM
 
210 posts, read 188,206 times
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Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
It depends.

Does your husband have a justified reason for keeping his distance from his family, or is this just some overblown ego issues between folks who couldn't get along?
They weren't the best most attentive parents, not bad, but grudges are held on everyone's parts. I have tried restoring the relationship between them, but 30 years of damage has been done, only so much a wife can do.
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Old 10-31-2014, 03:20 PM
 
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I wouldnt. Its liable to be a toxic relationship. No relationship is better than a bad one.
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Old 10-31-2014, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
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Originally Posted by mysteriousjane View Post
They weren't the best most attentive parents, not bad, but grudges are held on everyone's parts. I have tried restoring the relationship between them, but 30 years of damage has been done, only so much a wife can do.
In that case, then yes, do what you can to encourage some kind of relationship between your kids and their grandparents.

It's a funny thing, but some folks who were lousy parents can become really good grandparents sometimes.

Give them a chance. You never know, your kids could be the thing that help repair the relationship between your in-laws and your husband.
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Old 10-31-2014, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Hampstead NC
5,487 posts, read 5,018,651 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mysteriousjane View Post
My husband isn't on the best of terms with his family and keeps his distance. No regular phone calls, pictures, etc. And we live out of state. We have 2 kids, ages 1 and 2. I don't particularly care for them, especially my father in law. Do I have an obligation to promote a grandparent/grandchild relationship between them if my husband can't be bothered by it?
Nope, you don't. Leave well enough alone.
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Old 10-31-2014, 04:06 PM
 
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I wouldn't go so far as to call it an obligation, that falls on the adults involved, your husband and his parents.

But, it would certainly be a kindness, and the world needs more of it.

My husband and his mother were not close after his parents divorced. We didn't see her often. But I sent her school pictures and the boys made cards for holidays and I sent them on too. When she died, we found every one of them had been saved.
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Old 10-31-2014, 08:07 PM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
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Have your in-laws made any effort to show that they want to be a part of their grandchildren's lives? I don't think you have an obligation to promote a relationship between them if they don't even seem interested. But if they've made it clear they do want a relationship with their grandchildren, I think it's only fair to allow it, as long as your husband is okay with it.
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Old 10-31-2014, 08:43 PM
 
Location: here
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Do your in-laws try to have a relationship with the kids? If they do, you should let them, as long as they aren't abusive or anything. If they don't try, I don't know that I'd feel obligated to push it.
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Old 10-31-2014, 08:48 PM
 
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Yes. Do it for the kids. Send pictures and such. And be receptive to their interest in your children, unless there is a real reason not to.

I think the more people that love and care for our children, the better they are for it.

And, at 30, your hubby's age.....many people are holding onto to childhood issues, ...that they won't consider such a big deal after they mature and parent teens themselves.
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