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Why does she deserve respect? She would just come back with another nasty reply. My recommendation just ignore her. She will get the hint.
She doesn't deserve it. But the OP is more likely to make her go away by being kind than by being short or harsh. I don't think blocking is the answer right away either. OP should give her a fair chance to move on.
lilyflower, that's what I keep thinking... "I've never even met this person..." I appreciate the responses. I don't know why I'm vacillating on how to handle this. My gut really is telling me to just let it go.
You feel bad because she is a real person and you don't want to hurt her feelings. It's tough to end something the other person wants so much but you have to for her as much as you.
msplove - i think that is a very good and doable response. thank you
joyithejourney - believe it or not she wants to collaborate in a business venture...can you believe that?
Atalanta - It definitely was mutual and that's why I feel responsible for how it ends I guess.
rlrl - thanks for sharing the other side of the coin. contrary to her comment that "i get over myself" i do think she'll get over my ending communcation pretty quickly...lol
longnecker - giving her approach lately, I tend to think she doesn't deserve closure either. Although, as mag32gie says, it's true I don't want to hurt her feelings
I hope I've responded to everyone... I'm very grateful for the responses.
msplove - i think that is a very good and doable response. thank you
joyithejourney - believe it or not she wants to collaborate in a business venture...can you believe that?
Atalanta - It definitely was mutual and that's why I feel responsible for how it ends I guess.
rlrl - thanks for sharing the other side of the coin. contrary to her comment that "i get over myself" i do think she'll get over my ending communcation pretty quickly...lol
[B]longnecker[/b] - giving her approach lately, I tend to think she doesn't deserve closure either. Although, as mag32gie says, it's true I don't want to hurt her feelings
I hope I've responded to everyone... I'm very grateful for the responses.
winterbird, you come across as a kind and caring person. I've been thinking about this thread, and tend to agree with most of the responses, even some that say that closure is needful.
I think what might answer all your concerns is a somewhat proactive email, a sort of "it's not you, it's me" breakup. :-)
Dear ____
I've taken a few days to think about your email, in which you referred to me as "numbnuts", and offered a few other off-the-cuff insults. Frankly, I was taken aback and wanted to think carefully about how I wanted to respond. It's true that we have had a nice email relationship, and I've enjoyed our cyberconversations. But with the memory of those insults in the background, I won't be able to enjoy emailing with you any longer.
dblackga - I like the way you worded that. If I go the explanation route, I will definitely use the substance of your and MSPLove's letters. Very succinct.
For now, I'm leaning towards just leaving it as is. longnecker is right. She hasn't bothered to respond asking why I haven't responded. Which imo, would be a logical thing to do. At this point it seems I'm really worried about nothing.
Thanks again all. I really needed to get that out. My husband kept telling me to just cut off communication but he's pretty cut and dry so I was figuring "what does he know?" I've shared you guys' responses with him and he's saying "see? at least 50% of the posters agree with me."
For now, I'm leaning towards just leaving it as is. longnecker is right. She hasn't bothered to respond asking why I haven't responded. Which imo, would be a logical thing to do. At this point it seems I'm really worried about nothing.
Thanks again all. I really needed to get that out. My husband kept telling me to just cut off communication but he's pretty cut and dry so I was figuring "what does he know?" I've shared you guys' responses with him and he's saying "see? at least 50% of the posters agree with me."
^
From “Say This, Not That: A Foolproof Guide To Effective Interpersonal Communication” by Carl Alasko (2013):
Quote:
“Once you’re an adult, there’s no reason to tolerate ongoing and persistent emotional abuse in any relationship.
Self-care requires that you protect yourself from anyone who doesn’t respect you, your tastes or your lifestyle.”
This is the author's version of a "healthy" (non-blaming, non-critical, etc.) relationship-ending message, you could tailor it to an acquaintanceship instead:
Quote:
“I’m sorry, but I have to tell you that it’s not working for me and I don’t want to continue seeing you.
I hate to hurt your feelings this way, but I wanted you to know.”
I hadn't thought of calling her out and still ending the friendship...lol. I was thinking if I called her out and she apologized I'd have to continue responding to her emails and the occasional phone call. thanks for offering that as an option.
Sounds like she already ended the friendship, since she told you you are not a real friend. Tell her you agree and wish her well, then do not respond again.
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