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Yes. I cut out an entire religious congregation. It was an easy decision once I realized what a drain these people had been in my life. I no longer allow myself to be used and abused under the guise of christian responsibility.
We all have to accept the weight of our personal decisions and burdens. And while others can help lighten the load, it is very unfair to burden others with our problems.
Yup. I went through a divorce and I was living in my ex-husband's hometown. Everyone was his family, friends, co-workers, etc. I cut everybody out and started a new life in a new city.
Yes, for me it was family, when I did it deliberately. There was a final crisis and I stopped responding to their drama.
Otherwise, most every time I moved, the people from the old town faded out pretty fast. And I've done this with the random acquaintance or friend who is toxic or draining. I just stopped responding to their emails or phone calls.
I have this visual with regard to people who are "draining." I picture that I have a cup of patience/strength/kindness whatever. If the person in question only drains my cup and never puts anything back into it, I can't afford to have them in my life.
If someone calls me, and every time I hang up I am a wreck, then I need to not answer that person's calls anymore. It sounds like you have a bunch of people like this, and it would be healthy for you to cut them off.
By the way, I don't know if you're from a small town, but my experience of living in a small town, after growing up in a big urban area, is that small towns quickly categorize a person, and then they never want to change that opinion. I don't know if this is part of what you are dealing with, but for instance, if your hometown classified you as one thing, and you don't want to be that one thing anymore, they may not allow you to change. And they may put pressure on you to be what they want you to be. Kind of like a dysfunctional family. You got your role, and they all want you to stay in it.
Not sure if you're dealing with that or not, but thought I'd mention it. This can be true for just a group of people, too. Though, I found small town mentality to be especially severe this way. It's just such a big group of people who all gossip about each other, that you have a very large group of people who all want you to stay in your "role" or your "category."
When people from back home talk to me, it's often to vent their sorrows and frustrations. Outside of my immediate family, I am thinking of telling these folks I no longer want to hear it and quit talking to me. Have you ever just cut out a large amount of people from your life and moved on?
I grew up in a small town atmosphere where everybody knew each other. I spent a bit of time at college for IT but unfortunately there just wasn't a real market for IT jobs in the area, and if you didn't move away you were pretty much stuck in a constant rut. The last few years I lived there I often thought to myself, "Is anybody in my circle ever going to get tired of this same old fast-food, factory job boring life and move on? Because I'm certainly tired of it."
Three years later and I've had little to no contact with anyone from said area. I've been furthering my career and when I do run into anyone from my hometown, they seem to all be up to the same thing as they were when I lived there...drinking, partying, holding jobs meant for high-schoolers, etc. Nobody really grew up. I miss the people but when I think of it I'm happy to have moved on.
I grew up in a small town atmosphere where everybody knew each other. I spent a bit of time at college for IT but unfortunately there just wasn't a real market for IT jobs in the area, and if you didn't move away you were pretty much stuck in a constant rut. The last few years I lived there I often thought to myself, "Is anybody in my circle ever going to get tired of this same old fast-food, factory job boring life and move on? Because I'm certainly tired of it."
Three years later and I've had little to no contact with anyone from said area. I've been furthering my career and when I do run into anyone from my hometown, they seem to all be up to the same thing as they were when I lived there...drinking, partying, holding jobs meant for high-schoolers, etc. Nobody really grew up. I miss the people but when I think of it I'm happy to have moved on.
This really makes me think of my daughter. When I spoke of living in a small town, it was a small town I moved to from the SF Bay Area right out of high school. I got married and my daughter grew up in that town. Her graduating class was 12 kids. Yep, 12.
She is now a business systems analyst for the CA university system. Her old high school friends who stayed in that small town are loggers who are on unemployment half of the year. The young women have lots of kids and work in waitress jobs or stay at home. Nothing wrong with the blue collar lifestyle at all, but they just really have nothing in common anymore.
When people from back home talk to me, it's often to vent their sorrows and frustrations. Outside of my immediate family, I am thinking of telling these folks I no longer want to hear it and quit talking to me. Have you ever just cut out a large amount of people from your life and moved on?
I've had to do that several times in my life. I don't miss them at all, but then I did it for very different reasons than you mention in your post. I expect I shall have to do it again, perhaps soon.
Just did this myself. Moved from Long Island, NY to Hendersonville, TN.
I'm happy to have done this. I'm a giver and it's taken me most of my life to realize I attract takers/energy vampires, including my bestfriend of 40+ years. I cut all ties.
As one poster stated, every time I got off the phone or was with this people I felt drained, cranky, and not well. That was a sure sign I didn't need these people in my life.
This time around I will be very selective who I allow in my life. Maybe it sounds like I'm damaged goods, and maybe I do shut myself off more often than not, but the change is what I, my husband, and my boys needed, and it seems to be working.
When people from back home talk to me, it's often to vent their sorrows and frustrations. Outside of my immediate family, I am thinking of telling these folks I no longer want to hear it and quit talking to me. Have you ever just cut out a large amount of people from your life and moved on?
No, I haven't. Perhaps they consider you a friend. Obviously they are wrong.
Yes I did this but at the time it was unintentional. It took place before the advent of cell phones, email and the internet. My parents moved away from my hometown about one year after my high school graduation. I had no idea what my new address or land-line phone number was going to be so I shared no contact information with anyone I knew from that town. I guess the similarity with your situation is that I could reconnect with people if I wanted to but I have no desire to do such a thing. Effectively I have cut them out of my life, only without any forethought.
They didn't move, so you would have had their addresses and phone numbers. You could have called or written after you got settled.
Yes, I guess you could say that I have. When I first got on Facebook about 8 years ago, I was excited at reconnecting with people I went to school with because, lets face it, these are the people you saw day in and day out for 13 years and you may never have such prolonged contact with the same people in any other circumstance in life. It took awhile, but I gradually realized that many of them were the complete opposite of myself in opinions and values. When I got my own life in order, I quietly ceased all contact with all but a handful of them.
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