Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Who said they were invited? If they live out of the area or state, what does it matter if it's Disney or Texas if they live in Maine? I've been invited to weddings out of state for friends and family. I have attended some and some I have not. Depended on what was going on in my life. The world didn't end because I didn't attend those weddings. We're still friends and family.
The problem with your argument. With a wedding that has some connection to the family, then some people have to travel. But if you have a destination wedding, then everybody has to travel. And the further you ask them to travel the more hardship you inflict. Make them fly to some place like the Dominican Republic, then you are not just making them travel longer distances at greater expense. You are essentially telling them where to spend their vacation, because it's no longer a three-day weekend.
Look, I realize you are of the Its-my-wedding-so-I'm-the-center-of-the-universe camp, but it's not all about you. A wedding is about family as much as the couple getting hitched. What's more, it doesn't seem to occur to you that people actually care enough about the people getting married to come.
For our wedding: Disney World equipped with carriage ride, Disney characters and basically everything they offer lol. Disney has packages and while we are taking advantage of one but also adding our own flavoring. We are also going to do a themed photo shoot and all that jazz.
Once we were engaged we bought a house in the saw city as my husband's family. I had only met them a handful of times but was looking forward to getting close. His sister-in-law had expressed interest in being in the wedding so I made are her a bridesmaid. But now I'm getting all kinds of criticism from them because of a handful of reasons:
1.) His sister-in-law (his brother's wife), his mother and two sister all hate the Disney idea as soon as it was announced. They laughed at first but they all think it's "immature". Also they don't like it's a destination wedding and they will actually have to leave the state. The SIL and one of the sisters have both gotten married at the same venue and mentioned it as a possibility for us. It's a beautiful place but I find it boring and wouldn't go with our theme. It's been a pain to get them to show up for fittings even though everyone is close by! All my bridesmaids (six) have made the time to get their dresses fitted and see mine and all of the are in different states! Anyway, I can't get his family on board.
I'm just tired of the judgment and negativity. I want to love them because we're all about to be family but it's hard for me. Plus, we all just have such separate interests. They are all sarcastic. They all love the outdoors and his SIL is all "eco friendly" and it's been hard for me to get along with them. I'm trying the best I can but it's all been so awful. I don't want SIL in the wedding anymore because she's been a buzzkill and if she's not taking it seriously it's going to ruin a beautiful day I'm scared his sisters and mom will do the same.
1) I think destination weddings are a bit selfish. Unless you can afford to pay for every guest's travel and hotel, it will cost them a lot of money just to attend your wedding. Not everyone has the money to spend a weekend in Disney World. Not everyone would choose to take time off work to travel to your wedding. In another post, I think you refer to your in-laws as "lazy" for not wanting to travel out of state to your wedding. It probably has nothing to do with being lazy and everything to do with the things I just mentioned.
2) The cost is really none of their business, but, ya, you are spending too much. They probably see it as an indication of your priorities, and are worried about their brother. I don't know what your fiance does or how much he makes, but they are looking at you and seeing you not working, not really planning to work, but spending money right and left on an over-the-top wedding and fixing up a house.
"Everything Disney offers" is a big chunk of cash. Disney has been doing weddings for a long time and they have it down to a science. Adding your own touches is like ordering four desserts after a big meal. With premium prices for each Mickey-shaped cake. The money you spend in add-on's could probably pay for the meals and lodging of his family.
I've attended Disney weddings. You'll have "Princess" coming out of your white, veiled Minnie ears without the extras. Be smart and don't alienate family.
The problem with your argument. With a wedding that has some connection to the family, then some people have to travel. But if you have a destination wedding, then everybody has to travel. And the further you ask them to travel the more hardship you inflict. Make them fly to some place like the Dominican Republic, then you are not just making them travel longer distances at greater expense. You are essentially telling them where to spend their vacation, because it's no longer a three-day weekend.
Look, I realize you are of the Its-my-wedding-so-I'm-the-center-of-the-universe camp, but it's not all about you. A wedding is about family as much as the couple getting hitched. What's more, it doesn't seem to occur to you that people actually care enough about the people getting married to come.
If you don't want to attend a destination wedding, then don't. Many of us don't have a problem with it. Either we're able to attend or we're not. No biggie. It's not the end of the world either way.
I said the bride and groom are the center of the wedding. It's not about a family. It's about the bride and groom. It's called Bride magazine. It's not called Bride, In-Laws, Parents, Siblings, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Friends from 500 miles away Magazine.
I've been married for 18 years and I honestly would have not cared if no one showed up! Considering all the drama along the way, I wish I had eloped. I completely understand why people elope and have very small weddings. The drama can make Days of Our Lives look like Sesame Street.
My niece got married in Mexico at a destination wedding. We went because we felt we HAD to, being very close to her and her parents. It took us more than 12 hours and 4 planes to get down there, 5 planes to get back home. Simply ridiculous!
It was extremely costly between the flights and the 5* resort, and it was so HOT down there, we were all miserable in our gowns and suits on her wedding day. Their wedding took place under a cabana while the guests sat out in the full sun, roasting alive. The meal was on a terrace with NO shade. I thought I was going to melt. Funny thing was, the food was cold and wasn't good at all.
I wouldn't recommend a destination wedding, EVER! EVER~! They are just plain selfish on the bride and groom's behalf, because of costs and inconveniences of travelling for their guests IMO.
You didn't have to go if you didn't want to. I am sure the bride and groom wouldn't have minded you staying home and just sending well wishes.
I had one and it was very very small. (About 20) most people were going to travel anyways, so we figured why not. I called each person to make sure they knew we wanted them to come, but we would understand if they couldn't. The ones who came were very pleased, as we got them a really great rate they couldn't ordinarily get. Everyone returned in subsequent years because they had so much fun. It was like a vacation with a wedding.
OP- there will be hard feelings for so e people about weddings no matter where you have it or how much you spend. Everyone has an opinion, but the only ones that truly matter are you and your husband. Maybe you should talk with your bridesmaids and get cheaper dresses or let them wear something less formal. I only had one bridesmaid, and i recycled a dress from another wedding to cut down the cost. I also said there were to be no gifts.
I think the Disney wedding idea is immature, and if I had a future SIL who wanted me to travel to Florida (I'm in Texas) at my own expense to attend a Disney-themed wedding, I'd talk about her behind her back. A lot.
I'd also try to come up with any excuse to avoid going. Just being honest.
It sounds to me that you are just as judgmental about them as they are about you. You also come off as defensive.
As someone who is outdoorsy, "eco-friendly," and loathes Disney-themed anything...you'd probably call me a "buzzkill" too. And I'd be civil and polite to you, but we wouldn't be BFFs.
Why not just say you can't come to the wedding? Why the underhanded snark?
If you don't want to attend a destination wedding, then don't. Many of us don't have a problem with it. Either we're able to attend or we're not. No biggie. It's not the end of the world either way.
I said the bride and groom are the center of the wedding. It's not about a family. It's about the bride and groom. It's called Bride magazine. It's not called Bride, In-Laws, Parents, Siblings, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Friends from 500 miles away Magazine.
I've been married for 18 years and I honestly would have not cared if no one showed up! Considering all the drama along the way, I wish I had eloped. I completely understand why people elope and have very small weddings. The drama can make Days of Our Lives look like Sesame Street.
Now you're talking out of both sides of your mouth, and also ignoring the point of this post to boot. You're more interested in projecting your own wedding experiences into the thread than reading carefully what the OP is saying. Hey, if you wanted to elope, then that's what you should have done. The problem is that the OP wants the big, bodacious wedding and can't understand why nobody is particularly enthusiastic about schlepping it down to Orlando to see it done with Cinderella and Mickey in attendance.
The OP wants a fairy tale wedding held at Disney World and she wants people to come. To be perfectly honest, myself and most of humanity would much rather see a loved family member get married under less elaborate circumstances and then have a great time with family than travel to any destination, especially Disney, and have fewer people show up. Because a wedding isn't just an event in the life of two people. It's an event in the life of two families. And when a frail grandmother cannot see her beloved granddaughter get married because of a daunting plane ride, or because a rather close first cousin has to rack up a couple of thousand bucks in credit card debt just to attend, then it means that the bride-to-be values the performance aspect of the thing most of all. It certainly is a priority over all those people who love her and want nothing better than to be witnesses to the most important day in her life. That's where the priorities should be, rather than staging a version of the Ziegfeld Follies in some overpriced tourist trap.
And, to be honest, if I am her future husband and she's wanting to shell out tens of thousands of dollars with the intention of not working after the honeymoon and immediately popping out kids, I'm really wondering if I am marrying someone with the financial prudence to be a life partner. No, your wedding shouldn't be paper plates and chicken fingers at the VFW hall, but it's sounding as if this marriage is going to be one of those over-the-top deals that might tap them out financially.
Last edited by cpg35223; 11-04-2014 at 10:22 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm scared his sisters and mom will do the same. 
