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Old 11-06-2014, 06:41 PM
 
Location: The #1 sunshine state, Arizona.
12,172 posts, read 15,467,226 times
Reputation: 64033

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I wouldn't want a big wedding hanging over my head for the next 2 years, especially if it is already causing dissidence. The OP and her BF are already living together. I'd say get married and be done with it, so you can focus on things that matter, instead of just sitting home planning for one day that is off in the distance.
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Old 11-06-2014, 07:25 PM
 
10,819 posts, read 8,077,208 times
Reputation: 17034
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeachSalsaLover2 View Post
It would be a destination wedding no matter what. Family and friends are spread out.
This statement seems a little disingenuous and defensive, since you live in the same town as your in-laws.
That's not a reason to avoid planning a destination wedding but it helps clarify why they're less excited than you are about it. Just something to keep in mind when you're discussing plans with them.

You've labelled your husband's family as "rude", "lazy", and "sourpusses". Keep in mind they'll soon be your family as well, living nearby, and a judgmental attitude will hurt you as much as them.
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Old 11-06-2014, 07:36 PM
 
245 posts, read 314,700 times
Reputation: 368
I never understood spending a ton of money on a wedding that only last a few hours, why not have an inexpensive wedding? Since you just bought a house, you should be saving as much as possible, what if one you gets sick and need money for bills and such?



You will have spent money on something that you will have NOTHING to show for in the end. Having a destination wedding is selfish, friends and family are supposed take off work, pack, find someone to watch pets if they have them, make plans for a hotel, fly there to share your ďspecial dayĒ I HATE to travel ANYWHERE! I would laugh and say your card will be in the mail. Itís not what you spend on the wedding, itís what you put into your relationship that matters.
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Old 11-06-2014, 07:38 PM
 
Location: it depends
6,074 posts, read 5,340,136 times
Reputation: 5771
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeachSalsaLover2 View Post
.........................For our wedding: Disney World equipped with carriage ride, Disney characters and basically everything they offer lol. Disney has packages and while we are taking advantage of one but also adding our own flavoring. We are also going to do a themed photo shoot and all that jazz.......................
Disney World! Oh, Peach, do not let anyone rain on your parade. The Wedding Pavilion at Disney World is beautiful. WDW is the most magical place on Earth. Go for it!

I can't tell you how happy I am about your plans, speaking as a Disney shareholder. Spare no expense!
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Old 11-06-2014, 07:59 PM
 
10,819 posts, read 8,077,208 times
Reputation: 17034
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcopolo View Post
I can't tell you how happy I am about your plans, speaking as a Disney shareholder. Spare no expense!
Just remembered that Disney is in our portfolio also. OP, s_crew the in-laws and go for broke!
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Old 11-06-2014, 08:02 PM
 
Location: NYC
1,723 posts, read 3,379,754 times
Reputation: 2884
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcopolo View Post
Disney World! Oh, Peach, do not let anyone rain on your parade. The Wedding Pavilion at Disney World is beautiful. WDW is the most magical place on Earth. Go for it!

I can't tell you how happy I am about your plans, speaking as a Disney shareholder. Spare no expense!
hmmm, good point. It may be time to buy some Disney stock. When did she say she was getting married?
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Old 11-06-2014, 09:10 PM
 
6,653 posts, read 3,764,565 times
Reputation: 13753
Disney World? Are you serious? You think that's romantic and a fitting place to row off the shore to start a new life with your soul mate? Disney World?

Let me understand this. You have now had numerous people you know, many of whom are much older and more experienced than you, telling you that your wedding plans are out of control, out of a reasonable budget range, and juvenile. They happen to be your in-laws. And your response is not to listen to what they are advising, but to take offense that they would dare question your plans at all, no matter what they are.

You've now had a number of posts in this forum advise you the same as your in-laws have: your Disney dream is juvenile, your budget is out of a reasonable range, and your plans are out of control, esp. having a destination wedding.

But you are persistent in your "dream." I suggest you sit down and plan out how YOU are going to pay for half of it, and your fiancee will pay for the other half (regardless of who is paying in reality). Work out how many hours you would have to work to pay for it, over and above living expenses.

You will have many dreams in your life. You will have many goals to attain. What are they? When you have that baby, are you going to want a "dream" nursery? A "dream" house for your family? In a "dream" neighborhood? Are you going to want "dream" fashion clothes in the years ahead? "Dream" vacations with your husband and children? Are you going to want a "dream" washer and dryer? A "dream" kitchen? A "dream" retirement account? A "dream" retirement so that you and hubby can travel, have money to spare, get a nice retirement home? All those dreams will cost a lot of money. Yet you are pushing off from shore with debt hanging around your neck, which will interfere with all your future dreams.

If you put $10,000 in an investment account, you would have possibly $1 million dollars when you retire.

Is Disney World worth $1,000,000 to you?

Disney World is juvenile. It's time to grow up. Maybe a little concentration on a "dream" wedding dress, and that "dream" husband is more in order than a child's fairy tale. It's all about priorities and recognizing the real importance of the wedding day.
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Old 11-06-2014, 09:24 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,072 posts, read 17,400,726 times
Reputation: 41608
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeachSalsaLover2 View Post
Not to be that person (and I didn't want to say this) but our guests don't have problems with money and don't care. My family lives for events like this. Feedback has been positive, plane tickets bought and everything is good. If it wasn't, someone would have to face my mama and she can be one scary lady. Lol. (snip)

One last note, in my family we spend a lot of money on events. It's a culture thing. Big birthday parties, weddings, reunions, etc. We like to party and we like to spend money. Nothing wrong with that.
I keep wondering if the bride, and her family, are so self centered and wealthy that they do not realize that other people truly may not have the money to spend on events.

Imagine the embarrassment of the grooms relatives if they can't afford to take off of work. Not all jobs have "vacation days" sometimes it is simply you do not work and you do not get paid. There may be expenses that the family has but does not want to share, such as medical bills. The brides family may not have problems with money but should they expect their guests to get a part time job for the next year just to be able to save enough money to go to their wedding?

And, once the two families are joined what will happen at future birthday parties and holidays? As an example, will the brides parents expect & demand that their grandchildren always have amazing birthday celebrations and give the grandchildren expensive gifts? Will the grooms family always look poor in comparison?


To the OP, I'll share a story from a different wedding, imagine that you are in this grooms family. The son of someone I know married a woman from an extremely, extremely wealthy family. The brides relatives flew to the US resort city from all over America and Australia and a few relatives came from Europe. The complete wedding festivities lasted two weeks (yes, two full weeks). The brides relatives were independently wealthy and enjoyed "spending money on events" (probably just like your family).

Just imagine the expense of flying from Australia to a ski resort and renting a hotel room & buying food, etc, etc for two weeks! Unfortunately, the grooms family were just normal, regular people who had jobs and budgets and certainly couldn't take two weeks off of work and stay in expensive resort hotels for that long. Most flew into town just for the rehearsal dinner & the actual wedding and stayed only one or two nights.

A friend who attended the wedding was telling me how awkward and embarrassing it was for the "poor relations" (the grooms family & friends) at the wedding. Everyone from the brides family was talking about all the adventures & skiing & activities that they did for the two weeks before the wedding (all the things that the grooms family couldn't afford to do).

OP, all of your comments about spending money reminded me about this wedding. Perhaps the difference between your family and the grooms family is not as dramatic as in this case, but perhaps it is. Just something to think about.
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Old 11-06-2014, 09:35 PM
 
Location: I am right here.
4,915 posts, read 4,075,796 times
Reputation: 15540
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcopolo View Post
Disney World! Oh, Peach, do not let anyone rain on your parade. The Wedding Pavilion at Disney World is beautiful. WDW is the most magical place on Earth. Go for it!

I can't tell you how happy I am about your plans, speaking as a Disney shareholder. Spare no expense!


Might have to make some investment changes soon....
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Old 11-06-2014, 09:45 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,479,443 times
Reputation: 5570
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I keep wondering if the bride, and her family, are so self centered and wealthy that they do not realize that other people truly may not have the money to spend on events.

Imagine the embarrassment of the grooms relatives if they can't afford to take off of work. Not all jobs have "vacation days" sometimes it is simply you do not work and you do not get paid. There may be expenses that the family has but does not want to share, such as medical bills. The brides family may not have problems with money but should they expect their guests to get a part time job for the next year just to be able to save enough money to go to their wedding?

And, once the two families are joined what will happen at future birthday parties and holidays? As an example, will the brides parents expect & demand that their grandchildren always have amazing birthday celebrations and give the grandchildren expensive gifts? Will the grooms family always look poor in comparison?
So?? I don't get this. If one set of grandparents have the ability and will to do nice things for their children and grandchildren, they shouldn't just because it's going to make the other side feel bad?? What did those people make their money for, if they can't use it to pamper their loved ones if they so desire?

I know a family where the wife's father is very rich, the husband's family is middle class. The wife's parents have given the couple's kids, their grandkids, a multitude of fantastic experiences that neither the couple alone or the husband's parents could've afforded otherwise. Trips, parties, a Disney cruise, paying for expensive activities (the daughter was into performing, singing, pageants, all pricey). They can afford it, it makes them happy, and the kids benefit. If it makes the other set of grandparents feel inadequate - well, too bad. I mean I get that feeling, but I still think people should put that aside when it comes to their kids and grandkids. If it were me, I'd rather see my family happy and enjoying things and experiences, even if I wasn't the one able to gift it to them, than have them go without just so my feelings aren't offended.

In the case of the OP, she should have the wedding she and her groom want. It's up to the rest of the family if they want to attend. She's said several times that paying for the tickets is not part of the relatives' concern, it's simply the whole concept of her "spending too much". And whether that's true or not, that should not be their business - that is between the OP and her husband, only. One of my pet peeves is people who can't keep from counting others' money and judge what other people spend. Keep track of your own finances, and let others do the same.
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