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Old 11-06-2014, 09:51 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,105,065 times
Reputation: 32406

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Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
So?? I don't get this. If one set of grandparents have the ability and will to do nice things for their children and grandchildren, they shouldn't just because it's going to make the other side feel bad?? What did those people make their money for, if they can't use it to pamper their loved ones if they so desire?

I know a family where the wife's father is very rich, the husband's family is middle class. The wife's parents have given the couple's kids, their grandkids, a multitude of fantastic experiences that neither the couple alone or the husband's parents could've afforded otherwise. Trips, parties, a Disney cruise, paying for expensive activities (the daughter was into performing, singing, pageants, all pricey). They can afford it, it makes them happy, and the kids benefit. If it makes the other set of grandparents feel inadequate - well, too bad. I mean I get that feeling, but I still think people should put that aside when it comes to their kids and grandkids. If it were me, I'd rather see my family happy and enjoying things and experiences, even if I wasn't the one able to gift it to them, than have them go without just so my feelings aren't offended.

In the case of the OP, she should have the wedding she and her groom want. It's up to the rest of the family if they want to attend. She's said several times that paying for the tickets is not part of the relatives' concern, it's simply the whole concept of her "spending too much". And whether that's true or not, that should not be their business - that is between the OP and her husband, only. One of my pet peeves is people who can't keep from counting others' money and judge what other people spend. Keep track of your own finances, and let others do the same.
Why should everything be the bride's way? Maybe the groom was raised with simple family birthday celebrations. His opinion and traditions mean just as much as the brides. You are very naive if you think this doesn't matter. My family and my in-laws actually have very similar financial situations, but one makes spending on gifts a big priority. The other doesn't. Don't think my kids haven't noticed.

I have to question home much the kids really benefit. Spoiling kids is not to their benefit.
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Old 11-06-2014, 09:58 PM
 
10,818 posts, read 8,069,111 times
Reputation: 17029
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Why should everything be the bride's way? Maybe the groom was raised with simple family birthday celebrations. His opinion and traditions mean just as much as the brides. You are very naive if you think this doesn't matter.
If the OP is to be believed (and that's a huge IF), the groom's family and feelings are irrelevant.
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Old 11-06-2014, 10:05 PM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,860 posts, read 6,875,725 times
Reputation: 7348
I just think the whole thing is sad. The wedding sets a tone for the marriage. Starting out with conflict just doesn't bode well.
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Old 11-06-2014, 10:07 PM
 
1,458 posts, read 1,209,190 times
Reputation: 2148
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohhwanderlust View Post
If your SIL is thinking that the $16,000 she spent on her wedding is relatively little compared to what you're planning on, I just wonder if it's something extreme like $30,000+...
I tend to agree. That's an absurd amount of money for a wedding. $30k for one day?????? Really????? We paid that much for our 1st rental property.

Quote:
Originally Posted by joyinthejourney View Post
you may deeply regret spending so much for your wedding. there are tons of people who regret spending so much on a wedding, but very few people who regret underspending on their wedding.
Especially when the divorce rate in this country is what.....40%? If the OP and her fiancé end up divorced she will feel horrible about spending that much.
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Old 11-06-2014, 10:07 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,476,773 times
Reputation: 5570
Quote:
Originally Posted by photobuff42 View Post
I just think the whole thing is sad. The wedding sets a tone for the marriage. Starting out with conflict just doesn't bode well.
who started the conflict though? Seems like the groom's family was the one looking for a fight.
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Old 11-06-2014, 10:11 PM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,860 posts, read 6,875,725 times
Reputation: 7348
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
who started the conflict though? Seems like the groom's family was the one looking for a fight.
I think she probably barreled in without any consideration of her future family. Hopefully they will treat her kindly.
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Old 11-06-2014, 10:11 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,476,773 times
Reputation: 5570
Quote:
Originally Posted by HTY483 View Post
I tend to agree. That's an absurd amount of money for a wedding. $30k for one day?????? Really????? We paid that much for our rental property.
Again though, why should that be anyone's business but the couple's??
What's next - the family is going to judge whether the house they want is too expensive, the furniture, the baby stuff, the OP's wardrobe?? Unless the OP is asking the relatives for a handout, that should NOT be any of their business - regardless of how differently they were raised or how their priorities differ. You can live with different values - the key is RESPECT, respecting the other side enough to keep your mouth shut even if you disagree with their decisions, as long as it doesn't impact you personally.

My pet peeve - meddlers and know-it-alls who like to stick their noses in others' business. Hate hate hate that quality in people. Live and let live.
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Old 11-06-2014, 10:12 PM
 
10,818 posts, read 8,069,111 times
Reputation: 17029
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
who started the conflict though? Seems like the groom's family was the one looking for a fight.
Really? Based upon what?
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Old 11-06-2014, 10:16 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,105,065 times
Reputation: 32406
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
who started the conflict though? Seems like the groom's family was the one looking for a fight.
I don't know about that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
Again though, why should that be anyone's business but the couple's??
What's next - the family is going to judge whether the house they want is too expensive, the furniture, the baby stuff, the OP's wardrobe?? Unless the OP is asking the relatives for a handout, that should NOT be any of their business - regardless of how differently they were raised or how their priorities differ. You can live with different values - the key is RESPECT, respecting the other side enough to keep your mouth shut even if you disagree with their decisions, as long as it doesn't impact you personally.

My pet peeve - meddlers and know-it-alls who like to stick their noses in others' business. Hate hate hate that quality in people. Live and let live.

I do agree how much they spend is no one's business. I think it is more the inconvenience of the whole thing. The bride sounds pretty self centered to me. She hasn't got a clue why anyone is upset when most of us see it clearly.

If spending a lot of money on big extravagant parties is a cultural thing as she says, it may be that her priorities don't mesh with the groom's and his family's. Maybe they have a reason to be concerned.
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Old 11-06-2014, 10:18 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,476,773 times
Reputation: 5570
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Why should everything be the bride's way? Maybe the groom was raised with simple family birthday celebrations. His opinion and traditions mean just as much as the brides. You are very naive if you think this doesn't matter. My family and my in-laws actually have very similar financial situations, but one makes spending on gifts a big priority. The other doesn't. Don't think my kids haven't noticed.

I have to question home much the kids really benefit. Spoiling kids is not to their benefit.
Okay, at that rate, why should the groom's opinion be more important?
So their families have different priorities - is the 'simple' one automatically better? Sure you could work out some sort of compromise system (go fancy one year, simple the next or something), but that's troublesome and could just lead to more disagreements. Why not just let each set of grandparents do what they're comfortable with, let the kids have fun and the adults keep their mouths shut? As long as it's done out of genuine love and caring for the grandkids, I don't think it should be seen as some sort of evil.
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