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Old 11-09-2014, 09:03 PM
 
9,686 posts, read 15,871,097 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I just had a flashback that it is still 1955. It is just so odd that the OP, who is only 24, thinks that "getting a home together" and "taking care of" her fiancé (whatever that means) is a full time job.

She says that "her purpose in life is to be a mom". I wonder what will happen if there are fertility problems, or if her fiancé/husband loses his job, or if one of them develops serious health problems or anything else "less than absolute perfection" happens in her life?

The more that I think about it, the more that I suspect that her future in-laws are more concerned about the marriage and long-term situation of their son/brother than the Disney wedding itself.

OP, please be sure to update this thread after the wedding to let us know how it went. It would also be great to update in a couple of years to see if the Disney magic is still alive and well in your marriage. I truly hope that you will be able to tell all the nay-sayers that everything is rosy and bright and your wedding and marriage really was and continues to be a fairy tale dream.

All of these happened to us. We experienced fertility problems, so, we adopted two wonderful kids

I developed rheumatoid which became so bad I had multiple joint replacements, so, I work from home

DH was laid off from a 6-figure job shortly after we adopted the kids, but we survived quite nicely on the savings we had, the home which was paid off, my life-long habit of saving, our work ethics, tenacity, and....not being in debt from the get-go for a big wedding


Like I said in another post, a wedding and a marriage aren't the same thing
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Old 11-09-2014, 11:53 PM
 
5,467 posts, read 2,927,038 times
Reputation: 24553
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShellNic View Post

What's important is for each of us to decide. Yes, some things seem very important but we all get to decide for ourselves. I think the OP hasn't responded to some of the posts about what she envisions her marriage to be like because she's run into so much negativity from posters here that I'm sure she's wondering WHY she would share...it's NONE of our business.
I am sorry---that made me laugh out loud. NONE of our business?

If you post on a public forum for the reasons to get people's opinions, get ready you are going to get feedback Be prepared, it might not be what you wanted
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Old 11-10-2014, 01:27 AM
 
10,818 posts, read 8,067,156 times
Reputation: 17029
Quote:
Originally Posted by GiGi603 View Post
If you post on a public forum for the reasons to get people's opinions, get ready you are going to get feedback
Especially when it's the OP's first and only post on a forum.
It's that more than anything that makes me question her veracity.
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Old 11-10-2014, 06:18 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,884 posts, read 36,203,761 times
Reputation: 63544
I think that over the top weddings are gauche. Theme weddings are just as bad. The two combined nearly make me writhe with revulsion.

If either of my sons was marrying a woman who wanted one or both, I'd be absolutely aghast. Honestly - I wouldn't do much in the way of supporting it either. I'd suit up and show up and pay what I'd originally considered to be sufficient (I top out at about $5000 when it comes to weddings) and that would be the extent of my involvement.

But hey, that's just me.
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Old 11-10-2014, 06:26 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,884 posts, read 36,203,761 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theoldnorthstate View Post
I didn't take jealousy from it at all. It seemed like a clash of values wrapped up in socio-economic differences.

It reminded me of a friend/boss and his daughter's wedding and marriage. My friend's daughter married into a wealthy family where culturally it was expected to have large weddings. Which they did to the tune of $160K. My friend paid $40 K; the groom paid $40K and the FIL paid $80K but was considered fair in that it was meeting his social obligations.

Not many in my friend's family could attend to destination wedding so it was 99% the groom's family and guests.

Fast forward 2 years and my friend's daughter and SIL have a baby and Mom would go visit daughter in their LA mansion. My friends wife was having to shop to buy new clothes so not to embarrass their daughter. Neiman Marcus type clothes and that was considered poor grade to the new social status. She was tired, exhausted, and discouraged at the financial cost required of her to satisfy the social needs of her daughter and SIL. And my friend was working years past retirement to pay off his portion of the wedding costs.

If I hadn't seen this happen, I wouldn't believe it.

So maybe the less wealthy in laws are envisioning the future and see the difference in beliefs.
I think your friends have missed the boat when it comes to common sense. If I were in their shoes, I would have just stood my ground within my socioeconomic class. I would not have paid the 40K - there's no shame in letting people know that's not my budget and there is NO WAY ON THIS EARTH that I'd alter my retirement budget or plans to pay for anyone's wedding. I would not buy clothes I couldn't afford "so not to embarrass my daughter" or just to go see MY GRANDCHILD - I'd wear clean, comfortable clothes of my own choosing and that were appropriate when it comes to the occasion (riding on a plane and then visiting my daughter in her own house would entail, oh, maybe jeans and a cute top to the tune of about $150 max - probably less).

I've got news flash for your friends - their SIL and his family already know that there's a significant difference socioeconomically between the two families. Why try to act as if there's not? Who cares? Not anyone with a shred of decency, that's for sure.
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Old 11-10-2014, 06:58 AM
 
1,097 posts, read 716,852 times
Reputation: 1720
When I was a really young kid, my father used to tell me he'd pay me $100 to go elope. I easily managed to get him to up it to $1000 when I realized he was really screwing me over.

Even though my parents like the $1000 deal, my girlfriends haven't been too keen about it.
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Old 11-10-2014, 08:25 AM
 
15,254 posts, read 16,839,861 times
Reputation: 25432
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhotoProIP View Post


This is your wedding, not theirs, and frankly, it is your choice as to who's coming. Record moments of nastiness on video or audio, so you have proof that they are being miserable, and show your future hubby...he is marrying you not them...and he should be mature enough to understand that not all brides and inlaws will become BFF's and respect that. It is what it is.

One thing you should NEVER do, is show them their behavior bothers you. Act indifferent, and cool!

Almost forgot; what you spend on your wedding is none of their business, it's not their money, unless it is. If they are paying, you might have a problem.
Just the kind of wedding I like to attend--where the bride is so ready to be upset by her guests that she videotapes moments of nastiness so she'll have proof of their misery to show her new husband.

"Uh, I don't think we'll be able to make it that day because we're scheduled to clean out the septic system. You know how it goes. But thanks for the invite!"
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Old 11-10-2014, 08:45 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,884 posts, read 36,203,761 times
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Do we even know who's paying for this extravaganza? Whoever is paying calls the shots. Period.
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Old 11-10-2014, 09:55 AM
 
9,686 posts, read 15,871,097 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
Do we even know who's paying for this extravaganza? Whoever is paying calls the shots. Period.
I beg to differ...........

What about the guests? Is the bride paying their expenses, travel, hotel, etc? Not to mention an "appropriate" gift? It appears the bride is not especially rich, as most of us are not. It imposes a burden financially on invited guests to attend such an affair......not to mention time off work. At least 2 days are probably involved, unless one lives on top of Disneyland
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Old 11-10-2014, 10:32 AM
 
13,170 posts, read 20,804,608 times
Reputation: 35478
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
Do we even know who's paying for this extravaganza? Whoever is paying calls the shots. Period.
Technically correct. However, that's not the best attitude to have for future interactions with the groom's family.
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