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She's been dreaming and planning her wedding all her life... but it seems she has given zero thought to the marriage and family.
Maybe the groom, marriage and family is immaterial? I have been thinking about what another poster said about big weddings versus length of marriage - and it is true in the cases I have known. I have been to some lovely weddings that were normal - and some giant "show" weddings. I can't think of a one of the extravaganzas where the actual marriage lasted very long. Two lasted less than a year (one for 3 months). I think the groom starts out the marriage indulging the princess bride - and the reality of a princess wife never turns out well.
She's been dreaming and planning her wedding all her life... but it seems she has given zero thought to the marriage and family.
Look like while dreaming she dropped the post and still dreaming. Seems went to wedding shopping with mickey and Minnie and Goofy might be carrying the bags and Catherine might be beauty consultant. I feel so sorry for that guy.
So who is paying for it? I mean , aside from the fact that they have to travel (not sure how far...) for the wedding. That is a bit of a pain, but often distant cousins travel far for weddings too.
Last edited by joe moving; 11-04-2014 at 12:59 PM..
I'm back! No I didn't abandon the thread- I'm a new member so it takes a while for my responses to post? It took six hours for someone to approve my main post and by then I had logged off!
A lot of you are asking who's paying for the wedding. My parents are paying half and my husband and I are paying the other half. My parents also bought my dress and any other additional costs that come up, they said they would take care of but so far we're good to go! With the Honeymoon my Fiance's mom offered to pay for the plane tickets to where we decide to go. So that's how that's all being split up
We won't have any debt. Actually the only thing we planned to put on credit cards are vendors that don't accept other forms of payment and some of our trip. But that's all been taken care of.
I do love my fiance. I could marry him in city hall in a paper bag if he wanted to. In my family, we all have semi-large weddings and we all go a bit crazy. My mom has planned my wedding almost as long as I have (though she likes plantation type weddings the best). We're Tennessee people so maybe that's why? Of course it's important to me and he knows that. Before I even mentioned wedding planning he'd told me he'd do whatever I wanted to make it the day I dreamed about. I have a lot of family and friends so to have them all there, watching me get married is exciting Anyway, big weddings aren't always for the "entitled" it depends on the culture. In my family we have big weddings and celebrations (my older sister would agree that I am spoiled though!)
On the destination travel issue: No matter where I marry this would be an issue as the family is spread out. No one else has a problem with the costs. We're having an open bar and a breakfast in addition to a dinner so we're trying to provide as much as we can for our guests. We paid for my SIL's bridesmaid dress and my family offered to buy plane tickets for F's family. They have no excuse to not get their lazy butts up and come. I'm frustrated feeling like I have bent over backwards for people who don't like me. It's stressful and that's why I asked for advice here.
My money says that your Disney extravaganza is going to be nothing compared to the circus your married life is going to be with your in-laws. You clearly are the splashy, throw-it-all-around type and they are not. You already do not like them, and it seems they are learning not to like you.
I would predict a Disney divorce in your future. Save up for it because your boyfriend-now-husband will probably be much less inclined to be agreeable for a Disney style unravelling.
Well this was just mean-spirited. We love each other and are very happy. I don't know why that's so hard to believe. Weddings may not be important to you but they are in my family and we spend a lot of money on them. We're not bad people, and we're actually fun to party with!
This is only the first issue you will need to learn how to handle with in laws. Everyone has to learn these lessons. Basically, talk to your husband to be and let him handle it. If he cannot, you now know what the future holds.
My husband told his parents that if they ever nagged us about having kids, it would cause us to avoid them and we were serious about it. He did this without telling me and it was a great present.
He needs to be your support and protector. But!! you need to understand his issues also and be always concious of compromises.
I have been married 42 years and the most important thing is the relationship, not the wedding.
Thank you! I definitely needed to be reminded about this. I need to learn to handle the now or I never will. I'm sweet and I can be a pushover... which is a problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by joe from dayton
Destination weddings are inconsiderate of everyone else involved.
We don't know how much money you are talking about, but if you can actually afford to **** away 30K on a wedding, I guess it is your money to do with as you please. I would do something more practical with the money.
Tell you SIL that she can back out of the wedding if it is a hardship or inconvenience for her.
Have you considered a modest, local wedding, followed by you and your husband jetting off somewhere to **** away the rest of the money in another ceremony, or whatever you want to do?
I will ask SIL if that's what she wants. Thanks!
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND
Show him this page.....I personally think he should not have told anyone anything..Perhaps he didn't realize she was getting a dig at you??..That was his bad, and I hope he learned from it....He has the power to put a stop to this BS behavior, they are his family!. IMO it is a form of Bullying and disrespect trying to make you feel bad. Thy are totally jealous!.......And how rude for her to even ask!
I think you sound like a very sweet person, and those in-laws are not used to someone who goes against the grain....Oh, Well! This is setting the tone for their relationship with you....You'll have to take the bull by the horns, do what you and your fiance want....and turn a blind eye and ears to their nay saying...Do not give them the power by even acknowledging their negativity....
You be yourself, and you and your fiance be your best together selves. Those cranky, secretly envious (to be) in-laws will either go along, or not. But, that is on them. Don't take their negativity on yourself. Do not let them ruin your special day, and your relationship.
You just have a wonderful memory making wedding. If you truly feel the way you do about the one being in your wedding, tell her now.....if you don't think you can just ignore her.
Thank you for the post! I'm thinking ignoring them may be my best bet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeachSalsa
A wedding 1 day.
A marriage is (hopefully) for life.
Focus more on the marriage than on the wedding.
We did Disney for our honeymoon, but would never have considered it for the actual wedding. There is NO WAY we would have made elderly relatives travel and incur an expense they could not afford.
You sound young...early 20s?
I am 24! And the elderly's are excited! Grandpop's fave movie is Toy Story.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
I'll be blunt. You don't sound mature enough to get married.
You don't say what your income is, but you don't have a job, you have a new home and you plan on getting pregnant right away. Unless your husband is making an awful lot of money, you will be starting your life out with a tremendous amount of debt.
And destination weddings are by their very nature exclusionary. They place a huge burden upon the guests.
You want it to be your special day - I get that. But do you want it to be a day when your every whim is indulged or do you want it to be a day that represents the joining of two families?
We have no debt. I had a job but I quit to move. Yes, I want us to come together but I don't know HOW. Lol. That's why I posted here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeurich
Was the OP showed up at all after drop this post?
No offense, and I get this place is popular but I can see why people don't come back. I came looking for advice, not judgement or hostility. There's a difference between being honest and just plain rude. I have gotten helpful responses but jeez...
I'm frustrated feeling like I have bent over backwards for people who don't like me. It's stressful and that's why I asked for advice here.
May I ask why are you bending over so far backwards for people who don't like you? And why would you have/want such people at your wedding? And yes, doing that will create stress as you are again in the game of trying to change people to like you/like a situation when they obviously don't. And won't like you. I'd quit that.....yesterday. Consider it their loss they are acting like that and move on.
And I don't care if they are family or not. Some family members just don't get along, won't get along, and that's the way life is. Family is a thing that happens by chance, not by choice. Some people get along great with their family. Many have one or 2 they just don't get along with and do what I think is the smart thing and ignore them/don't associate with them. Trying to make someone like you who obviously doesn't is a losing game.
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Anyway, big weddings aren't always for the "entitled" it depends on the culture. In my family we have big weddings and celebrations (my older sister would agree that I am spoiled though!) 
