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That's what the OP stated down the thread a ways in another post.
She says she has bent over backwards, but doesn't show any of it and she writes with so much detail when complaining about others why not about where she has conceded anything?
Just getting on the level of others who are yelling at others. Jeeze.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliforniaGal1
Wow, aside from this being untrue^^... please take your own advice and stop being a control freak here in ordering me how to post. Thanks
Please see your own post above who was doing the "yelling" in bold also. Just getting on your level CG to make a point. You even had bold with an underline. Ultra yelling?
When I see posts like this telling people how/what a wedding is in concrete terms and how others should follow their concrete advice, I now realize why many people elope.
Again.....it is their wedding/their choice on what they want, not yours. What is important to you is different to what's important to others. Turn off the control freak button. Please!!!
I notice you're using phrases in the third person plural, like "their choice on what they want" when we haven't heard from the prospective groom or that he has had any input other than her characterization as "yes, dear." Just curious, Steve, are you in the wedding planning or a related business, by chance?
I understand where most people are coming from on the destination wedding being an inconvenience, but for lots of couples, its an inconvenience to half the family anyway. The destination wedding makes everyone equally miserable. If I were to marry a girl here in NC, there is a good chance her family would have to travel in from the Northeast and mine from the Midwest, demographically. Also, for many couples, it cuts down on the people that want to travel for it so it keeps their costs down as well without hurting feelings with a short guest list, although that's not the issue here.
We don't know your financial situation, but since it isn't urgent that you work, and you say you have no debt, it sounds like your quite secure and the money is a non issue. I think its really sour grapes on your SIL's side, and she sounds petty, jealous and resentful. It reminds me of people that say "No one should spend that much money on a house." Nunya Bizness if they want to spend a lot of money on it. It only becomes someone else's business if you had to then go hat in hand to your in laws for money.
I notice you're using phrases in the third person plural, like "their choice on what they want" when we haven't heard from the prospective groom or that he has had any input other than her characterization as "yes, dear." Just curious, Steve, are you in the wedding planning or a related business, by chance?
I used to work in the business for many years as a side job, yes.
Well, since in my view it's really the brides day and I think most grooms agree(I stayed far out of the way for our wedding and whatever my wife wanted was fine by me), I probably should be using the 1st person, the bride.
Just getting on the level of others who are yelling at others. Jeeze.
Please see your own post above who was doing the "yelling" in bold also. Just getting on your level CG to make a point. You even had bold with an underline. Ultra yelling?
Take a breather. In and out.
The Bolded was to make a point, not to yell. If I wanted to yell, I'd type in all caps. Bolding, underlining is for emphasis. As caps can be alsoso reading the posts gives the context. The only one here with a bone to pick, who appears possibly ready to yell, is you. Again, relax. Allow everyone to reply equally.
My brother had one of those in Carmel. Neither he nor his fiancee lived anywhere close to there. They just liked the idea. So everybody in my family was given the choice of either missing his wedding or ponying up airfare, hotel, rental cars, and restaurants. Mind you, my wife and I have three children. So, the cost of my family attending the wedding would have added up to about $4,500. Not an insurmountable cost, but a major outlay for my recently-divorced sister (Who had three kids of her own) and my elderly mother.
So I went, my sister went, my other brother went with his wife, and all of us chipped in for my mother. My wife, my three children, my sister's three children, and my brother's two children all missed out. My wife was stuck taking care of the kids, and my sister and brother both had to find someone who stay with their kids for four days. And that's the immediate family. Lots of family couldn't make it at all.
I guess what I'm saying here is that people who dream about destination weddings are really saying that the backdrop is way more important than friends and family. You know, the people who want nothing more than to share in the most important day of the couple's life. By flinging additional obstacles in the path of those who want nothing more than to be there, it is the valuation of things over people. This is what the destination wedding crowd never seems to get.
Of course we are both prejudiced by our experiences. Everyone is.
I can see your point, but I doubt you can see mine. Yes, it's a hassle to attend a wedding in another city. Yes, it costs money. Yes, some people might not attend. A destination wedding is not for everyone.
My point was...why stew about this. Go or not. It's not about you. Your brother would rather have good feelings than have you attend and resent it.
If most of your guest list is already traveling then moving the location fom one city to another is not a big deal.
I doubt most destination weddings cost that amount to attend. I have been to five and we just used it in place of our annual vacation. i just priced the hotel we married at and it was 2000$ for a week all inclusive. It is 600$ for three nights all inclusive. Kids are free. We paid airfare for those who needed it. The OP is paying for airfare anyways.
We have driven cross country and camped out to attend a wedding before. Since we wanted to go, we made it work. Maybe you didn't want to do that. That's fine, but why stew about its? Why resent it?i just don't get that part of it.
Orlando has cheap airfare and hotels.nothing will cost 4500$ there.
Take a breather. In and out.
The Bolded was to make a point, not to yell. If I wanted to yell, you would read all caps. And even then, you'd need to read the post as all caps can sometimes be used to make a point. Reading the posts gives the context.The only one here with a bone to pick, who appears ready to yell is you.
The OP has a choice, and she'll make it based on all of the replies. Allow everyone to reply equally.
I agree with your last line.
And may I ask you do the same for my posts and don't post things like this to me or others:
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliforniaGal1
Wow, aside from this being untrue^^... please take your own advice and stop being a control freak here in ordering me how to post. Thanks
And calling me a "control freak" and that my opinion view is "untrue" after I simply posted my view on this matter?
May I suggest you look in the mirror before you accuse others of being controlling. And may I suggest the same to you. Take a breather.
I used to work in the business for many years as a side job, yes.
Well, since in my view it's really the brides day and I think most grooms agree(I stayed far out of the way for our wedding and whatever my wife wanted was fine by me), I probably should be using the 1st person, the bride.
Two people are getting married, so it's not "one persons day". With that common sense, it's doubtful you're going to get many to agree it is the Brides Day, or the Grooms Day only.
And the marriage celebration is for adopting someone into the family. Two people to be exact, two families. I would hope all effort is made so everyone in the family which is accepting the new person into their family, is actually able to be present to accomplish this task. Our loved ones are the most important
And that's a thumbs up^^ it means nothing more than a thumbs up
I live in one of the most expensive places in the world. Our grocery costs, property taxes, housing, is through the roof. We pay more for water & groceries than San Francisco
Yet we have plenty of beautiful places here to get married at very little cost. To the Op, I would never expect to be presumptious enough to make my guests travel, and foot the bill for a motel room, just for me.My loved ones are THE more important to me, in my life then and now, than any fantasy in my head. If they mostly live in this area, that works out great. 0theriwse if travel is involved, I'll make sure it's economical. I want all of them there. Why? because my marriage is important to them too, just as I am important to their lives. No I didn't milk my future inlaws for extravagant gifts as this OP has, of plane tickets to anywhere I want to travel. Nor would I have accepted them if offered. I am not that great. I don't need an extravagent wedding, nor was I, at age 18, so immature to have some kind of child like fantasy marriage still happening.
Marriage is about commitment and love, it's about family. That includes extended family which is now being adopted into the OP's, or actually vice versa
One of our best wedding venuse here is a Methordist Church which is absolutely stunning, very old, huge and beautiful. They take donations from anyone who wants to use their facility. We also have VFW Halls which rent for more $$ and that with a BBQ would be far less than $35,000. I can't imagine how many guests that would include though, wow. Even with a glass of wine, decorations, rentals of chairs & tables, that's alot of money. The crux is...No one should need to travel far for the ceremony to adopt another person into their own family if it can be avoided.To expect guests, family, to fork over out of pocket costs -and- a wedding gift is beyond pale. It's unfair and shows a very irresponsible, spoiled person. OR couple.
And the OP's Mother, that terrible lady who loves the outdoors, well she is is paying for airfare for the couple. Poor soul doesn't realize how unappreciative the OP is, it was mentioned just on the sly. This extravagant gift was not focused on, this poor woman is getting hell in return. The negativity already created in the Op's head about her to be family is disconcerting
Umm..most of my guest list was already spending money on airfare anyways. I didn't have an extravagant wedding. I spent about 6000$ fifteen years ago, which included airfare for the few who couldn't pay. We had a nice wedding with nice memories, and everyone had a lovely time. In fact a large group went back for an anniversary trip. It was sweet.
I didn't get gifts, except from some who insisted.
Some of the posters are getting really riled about this. Attend or not. It's not that big of a deal.
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