U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-05-2014, 06:56 AM
 
14 posts, read 11,310 times
Reputation: 11

Advertisements

I became friends with this girl my freshman year at college. She always had a boyfriend, but it didn't stop us from being friends. Whether it was school work, needing a hug, or someone to talk to, she was always there and I made sure to be there for her. When her died dad, I was one of ylrhe folks who contacted her and tried to be there for her. But when I came back from summer break for my junior year, everything changed. When I tried talking to her, all I got were one word responses and she would tell me "hold on" and walk away. I thought she was having a bad day, but when I tried to talk to her again at a football game, she just started walking away when I was talking to her. "She replies, " I will talk to you later" with a smile and continues her own way and not paying any mind to what I was saying. It seemed a lot had changed in her life since her fathers death. She had recently found a new boyfriend and joined FCA(fellowship of Christian athletes). I guess she had rededicated her life to Christ, but I was still happy for her. However I was still confused by how distant she was acting so I just backed off.

I thought things would change this senior year, but she was even more colder. The last time I tried to talk to her, I tried to say "it's so good to see you", but before I can finish that sentence, she replies, "it was good talking to you too" and walks away. I felt so embarrassed, hurt, and angry. What the heck was that all about? Of all the people to make a 180 on me, she was the last person I expected to do that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-05-2014, 07:20 AM
 
342 posts, read 348,820 times
Reputation: 338
Do you keep in touch with her over the summers? Maybe she has forgotten that you were close at one point, bcs of the time apart.

SOunds like she is being kind of rude, with the walking away, etc etc, but camouflaging it with just enough friendliness.

Maybe her boyfriend is the jealous type? Or maybe she's just so busy that her priorities have shifted.

Hard to know what is going on. Friendships do evolve and shift. Sometimes not for the positive. People do fade out of each other's lives.

Don't take it too personally…sounds like you invested more into the friendship than she did maybe. Which makes you a good person and a good friend. If she can't appreciate that, it's her loss
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-05-2014, 08:14 AM
 
16,720 posts, read 14,735,339 times
Reputation: 41134
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedRaider24 View Post
I became friends with this girl my freshman year at college. She always had a boyfriend, but it didn't stop us from being friends. Whether it was school work, needing a hug, or someone to talk to, she was always there and I made sure to be there for her. When her died dad, I was one of ylrhe folks who contacted her and tried to be there for her. But when I came back from summer break for my junior year, everything changed. When I tried talking to her, all I got were one word responses and she would tell me "hold on" and walk away. I thought she was having a bad day, but when I tried to talk to her again at a football game, she just started walking away when I was talking to her. "She replies, " I will talk to you later" with a smile and continues her own way and not paying any mind to what I was saying. It seemed a lot had changed in her life since her fathers death. She had recently found a new boyfriend and joined FCA(fellowship of Christian athletes). I guess she had rededicated her life to Christ, but I was still happy for her. However I was still confused by how distant she was acting so I just backed off.

I thought things would change this senior year, but she was even more colder. The last time I tried to talk to her, I tried to say "it's so good to see you", but before I can finish that sentence, she replies, "it was good talking to you too" and walks away. I felt so embarrassed, hurt, and angry. What the heck was that all about? Of all the people to make a 180 on me, she was the last person I expected to do that.
She is devastated over her father's death. Let me tell you, for a girl, that shiit is bad. I am 47 and lost my father two years ago August, and I am just now getting out of my funk. For a much younger woman, it could take a very long time, since she still depended on her dad to be there for her.

Just let it go. Maybe some day she will apologize. I cut off my entire family except my brother, since both of our parents are dead now, and it's just he and I left in our core family. I am contemplating sending some letters out to extended family but haven't committed to it yet.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-05-2014, 08:17 AM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,325,166 times
Reputation: 62062
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedRaider24 View Post
I became friends with this girl my freshman year at college. She always had a boyfriend, but it didn't stop us from being friends. Whether it was school work, needing a hug, or someone to talk to, she was always there and I made sure to be there for her. When her died dad, I was one of ylrhe folks who contacted her and tried to be there for her. But when I came back from summer break for my junior year, everything changed. When I tried talking to her, all I got were one word responses and she would tell me "hold on" and walk away. I thought she was having a bad day, but when I tried to talk to her again at a football game, she just started walking away when I was talking to her. "She replies, " I will talk to you later" with a smile and continues her own way and not paying any mind to what I was saying. It seemed a lot had changed in her life since her fathers death. She had recently found a new boyfriend and joined FCA(fellowship of Christian athletes). I guess she had rededicated her life to Christ, but I was still happy for her. However I was still confused by how distant she was acting so I just backed off.

I thought things would change this senior year, but she was even more colder. The last time I tried to talk to her, I tried to say "it's so good to see you", but before I can finish that sentence, she replies, "it was good talking to you too" and walks away. I felt so embarrassed, hurt, and angry. What the heck was that all about? Of all the people to make a 180 on me, she was the last person I expected to do that.

Apparently she has tried to make it clear that she does not want to talk to you so why are you continuing to try and force her to be friendly with you?

Leave the girl alone and move on and the only one who knows why she is acting this way is her but since she doesn't want to talk to you this is information you will more than likely never find out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-05-2014, 08:23 AM
 
342 posts, read 348,820 times
Reputation: 338
FWIW I agree that losing a parent can affect people in deep and profound ways. It is an enormous shift in their universe. I too lost my dad about two years ago (I am 44), and like convextech, Im only now starting to feel normal...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-05-2014, 09:28 AM
 
13,331 posts, read 17,827,087 times
Reputation: 20036
Loosing a parent is a live changing event especially if you were close. You were a friend. You may become a friend again.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-05-2014, 09:43 AM
 
14 posts, read 11,310 times
Reputation: 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Apparently she has tried to make it clear that she does not want to talk to you so why are you continuing to try and force her to be friendly with you?

Leave the girl alone and move on and the only one who knows why she is acting this way is her but since she doesn't want to talk to you this is information you will more than likely never find out.
I have left her alone. I gave her a lot of space. I barely tried talking to her during junior year. I thought our schedules caused us to drift apart. She has a whole new group of friends and I used to think I was one of them. This senior year, those were the only times I tried. I have left her alone and I have been very respectful of her space.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-05-2014, 10:53 AM
 
4,777 posts, read 6,628,767 times
Reputation: 6785
She may have felt (rightly or not) that you were trying to be more than friends after a while and decided to just cool it off with you, especially now that she has a new boyfriend. You are right, he may be the jealous type.

So, don't let it make you feel bad about yourself, it's probably about her, not you. Just let it go and stop trying to talk to her at all.

(It does sound like she was rather rude, and I understand your feelings of hurt and embarrassment, but she probably just didn't have the social skills to let you down in a kind, polite manner.)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-05-2014, 12:01 PM
 
Location: CO/UT/AZ/NM Catch me if you can!
4,743 posts, read 4,382,264 times
Reputation: 10403
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedRaider24 View Post
I became friends with this girl my freshman year at college. She always had a boyfriend, but it didn't stop us from being friends. Whether it was school work, needing a hug, or someone to talk to, she was always there and I made sure to be there for her. When her died dad, I was one of ylrhe folks who contacted her and tried to be there for her. But when I came back from summer break for my junior year, everything changed. When I tried talking to her, all I got were one word responses and she would tell me "hold on" and walk away. I thought she was having a bad day, but when I tried to talk to her again at a football game, she just started walking away when I was talking to her. "She replies, " I will talk to you later" with a smile and continues her own way and not paying any mind to what I was saying. It seemed a lot had changed in her life since her fathers death. She had recently found a new boyfriend and joined FCA(fellowship of Christian athletes). I guess she had rededicated her life to Christ, but I was still happy for her. However I was still confused by how distant she was acting so I just backed off.

I thought things would change this senior year, but she was even more colder. The last time I tried to talk to her, I tried to say "it's so good to see you", but before I can finish that sentence, she replies, "it was good talking to you too" and walks away. I felt so embarrassed, hurt, and angry. What the heck was that all about? Of all the people to make a 180 on me, she was the last person I expected to do that.
It happens. At your age many people are still trying to figure out who they are, and it's not unusual for someone to do a complete 180. Off hand I'd say her BF may be the jealous type or maybe she feels she should put her energy into making and keeping friends of her new faith. It's too bad that forever reason she is choosing to end the friendship, but I strongly suspect that this is more about her than it is about you. I understand your disappointment, but don't blame yourself - just let it go and move on.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-05-2014, 12:29 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,319,627 times
Reputation: 7524
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
She is devastated over her father's death. Let me tell you, for a girl, that shiit is bad. I am 47 and lost my father two years ago August, and I am just now getting out of my funk. For a much younger woman, it could take a very long time, since she still depended on her dad to be there for her.

Just let it go. Maybe some day she will apologize. I cut off my entire family except my brother, since both of our parents are dead now, and it's just he and I left in our core family. I am contemplating sending some letters out to extended family but haven't committed to it yet.
^^^THIS. It took me almost two years for me to get down to normal. I was blown away, shattered.

Don't press her, you will push her further away. If she needs you she will let you know.

When you see her, big smile and how're you doing? Don't wait for an answer, just keep moving unless she speaks. When she stops if there is no reply to be given just say, "Well, if you need me you know where to find me.' And BIG smile. Trust me, that smile will be a beacon to her darkness.

If she doesn't come back to you, then be thankful for the good times and go forward. When one door closes, suddenly a window opens........<3

JM2C
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:14 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top